Soul Searching

Balance

I'm drowning into nothing 

I don't know how to make it right

I just wish I had something 

to intervene my life

Because I'm tired of the hardship 

Of the struggle 

of the night

Im hurting from the failure 

and the loss of my light.

I stay strong for the babies 

But my mind is screaming in its plight 

To be more for my family 

And do everything that's right

I feel guilty when I want something just for me

A little ounce of dignity 

But my goals are far from sight

I just want to be more of myself,

of a mom, and of a wife.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just having a conflicted day.  Wanting to be with my babies and accomplish other goals.

Unecclesiastical Rhapsody

It seems Im lost again.

Im looking through eyes reflected in the mirror

no windows there.

 

I called and there was no answer.

I cut deals with cheques I couldnt possibly cash.

a desperate act.

 

the darkness seems to fill up my hollow like smoke.

the white mist of creativity turned haphasard dust floating in swirls of pretty nothingness.

its not evil or sad.

 

its hovering close by and I can feel it,

and I wonder what it is that i have done to make it flee me again

I know what it is.

 

I asked for a way to go there, where it was.

is there no wrong healed by my right?

 

Sorry is a perfunctory word with a perfunctory action.

Its not enough.

it never was.

 

-----------------------------

 

its time to admit and move on,

my precious babe I did you wrong,

go peacfully into the light,

I dont deserve to have you near,

its selfish and horrid as it appears.

spread your soul and bring your wings to flight,

i kiss you good bye,

and love you so,

and hope one day we will make it so right

to meet again in a new light.

you are my biggest regret

I must let go.

go in peace my gentle soul,

I will always love you so.

 

 

-------------------------

 

 

dear love, who ive died a thousand deaths for,

I give you my word,

but my heart I will guard.

I have no understanding of this strange love.

to not want anything but our souls to touch.

I can not see you in my dreams anymore,

to do so drags my soul into darkness,

we have to pay the price of ultimate love.

I can not find the words,

let them be seen in my eyes,

felt across the ways,

I have a love so true oh how they love me I can never count the ways

the truth of proof is too much to bare.

I can not hurt anyone more with my love if it should be divided in two,

the most deserving of my soul,

has the purity of heart.

and your earthly incarnation is not fit for my soul.

the ache in my heart will ever grow as this love prospers

but I owe it to them to show,

that what we have made is real, in truth and wonderful goodness,

what we have made is a blemish.

a soul contract unsactioned

and it can no longer stand alone under the banner of true love.

I send you my warmth and pray that you will find

another love as pure and as gentle as mine.

that has seen you grow,

and understand that we are not of the physical kind,

and I can offer you nothing now

but good will and a friendship to stand till the end of this time,

and space to heal.

 

 

-------------------------------

 

 

I hope my soul has heard my call,

I miss it so much more than I took for granted.

if you are there, where can I reach you?

I have cut down every branch but yours

yet still you answer me not.

will I have to prove as I have in the past?

let me come home please

I beg you

to the last

tell me where I must come

so that I may reach you

and show you

you are welcome home?

 

I miss you most of all. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Nature v. Man

In nature [not men]
there is peace
comfort
age-old wisdom yet to be contradicted
In the skies [not war]
power to replenish [and destroy]
passion to feed [and starve]

Searching for in men that which I’ve always found in nature:
Little more than a sense of comfort, an air of peace, and an endearingly predictable metamorphosis that, while routine and necessary, never ceases to be beautiful in its rebirth.
The moment when the sun frees itself from the confines of the clouds, valiantly bursting through with a tender ferocity as if to say to all the milk’s way, “I am here, I am home, and I am yours;” – oh and the flutter of my heart at each day’s beginning for I know that whatever the meat of the day, this day too shall close with the magnificent song of sunshine painting its melodies across the sky for all those with soul’s custody of mind. My heart, how it shines! Each time my eyes take a drink of this holy grenadine I do best to let my jaw hang as it will, for the sweetness of the sky could ruin the sanctity of all else things to be savored.
The oaks stand tall and their nakedness reveals the contortion of their branches; there is a beauty in this life’s response to pain – only the strongest stand tall against the power of a storm. Mighty have fallen before and mightier there are still to fall, but where there are roots - there is life and where there is life - there is art, and where there is art - there is beauty, and where there is beauty - there also resides humility, strength, and dignity.
The rivers, for all their meandering, are truly a mystical force to be reckoned with. Constantly changing and being changed by its surroundings, it adapts its course with little regard for much apart from making it as far as it can towards its final destination. Though seemingly small and insignificant, a river can leave even the mightiest of mountains permanently changed by little more than its presence – talk about power.
Oh, nature… cannot you make man in thine image?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This piece sums up what my degree means to me; I'm a Geography/Anthropology student who seeks knowledge on the planet and its processes, people & their processes, and my personal thesis is lies in the interaction between the two.

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Soul Searching

I am on a search but I cannot find.
I try and crawl and I try and climb.
I look high and I look low, where else is there to go.
There are many stories that I have been told yet the path still runs cold.
I have found the four leaf clover and the pot of gold, but I am still on the search to find my soul.
I find a doorway but the ground leading to it soon gives way.
A leap of faith carved in stone now I have to make a choice all on my own.
I call out into the abyss; forgive me and I confess.
Now I continue to fall, what was I expecting after all?

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Wishing For Rain

 

Wishing For Rain

 

sleepless nights fade into reflective mornings
and I find myself there
gazing out of winter windows
searching dark horizons
for a glimpse of the rain
that teases my senses with hope
the aroma of things yet to come
lingers heavy upon the sill
and yet if feel no comfort
in the possibility


as dawn stretches and wakes
I slowly begin to realize
her presence is much more demanding
that I could have ever imagined
an overwhelming beauty that majestically
takes hold of everything she touches
turning hearts inside out
changing lives forever
writing and rewriting destiny
ah, such power she does wield


I find myself cringing as I watch the stars
disappear one by one
behind the brilliance of her hues
a faint light of what they use to be
lingering in wait somewhere
on the other side of today
praying for the birth of a whispered dream
to illuminate their presence
so they can be seen shining
within her beauty


but not all stars shine brightly
and not all dreams get dreamt
in that place beyond the slow
tick of time-where dreams die
and broken hearts stay broken
the colors of dawn are just a faint memory
and the stars that fade are soon forgotten


beyond the hush of day
there 'neath radiating skyscapes
I ponder what this revelation
truly means to me-
I'm not a star that shines so bright
I'm not dawn who swallows night
I'm but a girl
standing in a window
beneath fading starlight
wishing it would rain


©LadyRaine

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