finding yourself

Balance

I'm drowning into nothing 

I don't know how to make it right

I just wish I had something 

to intervene my life

Because I'm tired of the hardship 

Of the struggle 

of the night

Im hurting from the failure 

and the loss of my light.

I stay strong for the babies 

But my mind is screaming in its plight 

To be more for my family 

And do everything that's right

I feel guilty when I want something just for me

A little ounce of dignity 

But my goals are far from sight

I just want to be more of myself,

of a mom, and of a wife.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just having a conflicted day.  Wanting to be with my babies and accomplish other goals.

Hourglass

The hourglass stands

Bits of sand fall

Turn it on its side

My being is split

Between what once was

And what will be

Each grain reflects a choice, a trait, a memory

What happens now? 

Wasting time again and again

Where does it begin and end

What is my foundation?

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Twisted Reversal

Twisted consequences spin chaos in a tornado,

Pulling sideways and upside down,

Feel the weight of the sudden drop,

Unexpectedly falling calmly into place,

Death wears a joker mask; such a morbid sense of joy.

 

Rushing between the traffic of the cattle,

The human market is open for business; ripe for the selling,

Heading to the mountains to breathe fresh air again,

Reclaiming the sense of self,

As pieces of me float like snowflakes into place.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The sudden realisation that things are actually ok... not as bad. A continuation on my poem "Unmapped Decision"

Who Am I?

Who am I?

 

It's something

I need to know.

 

Who am I?

 

And what makes me

into me?

 

Who am I?

 

I am not quite sure,

but I want to find out.

 

Who am I?

 

That is my question.

A question that I will

answer someday, somehow.

 

Who am I?

 

Do you know?

 

Who am I?

 

I don't know...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I wrote about finding myself.

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Getting Up Again

When someone close to your heart leaves for awhile,
you don't wanna smile.
never wanting to say goodbye,
all you wanna do is cry.
When they leave,
you can't breathe.
Beneath the trees,
you feel a breeze.
It lifts you up into a dance.
Then you wanna go to France and give it a chance.
You dance where ever you are,
even if its far or in a car.
You could dance on a train,
even in the rain.
You can dance in the street,
great everyone you meet,
feel the earth beneath your feet,
and feel the beat.
Then you take a seat
and feel complete.
You can dance with no end.
No one can ever stop you.
Then you wonder why you were so blue.
Whats wrong with being you?
YOU is who you wanna be.
YOU is what makes you so free.
YOU is who you are the best at being.
Whats the point of disagreeing?

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Life.

Coming into this post I was gonna put some big ol’ philosophical mumbo jumbo, some reason why we’re all hear blahblahblah. But there is no one reason why. Everyone is here on their own terms to do their own damn thing. I’ve just come to realize that not everyone does that. Not a lot of people do that anymore. Everybody just conforms into the mold society gives to us. I do that too. Anyway this is just a post, if anyone has read it, or finds it suitable enough to read, or has wandered upon it through their meaningless scrolling through Tumblr to find something awesome we’d all like to emulate, this is just a post, to say go out in your own life and live it. Every single person ever deserves to be happy. I feel like throughout this “civilized” lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to not being happy. That being miserable and living life in your own corner-room office space is what is supposed to go on. But just think about it. Take one giant ass step away from yourself and look at yourself. Is this where you want to be? Are you doing what you want to do? If the answer is “Fuck no!”, well you and me both buddy. You need to say fuck them. Fuck all of those punk-ass oppressors, whoever they may be. Fuck you school, or, fuck you grades. Fuck you standards. Fuck you expectations. Fuck you random ass people, though even though you merely walk in and out of my existence I worry about how you think of me just because. We need to go out and live. Fuck society, fuck humanity, fuck all these predetermined ideas on how everyone is suppose to live. Just fuck it all, even if we go down to the very basics of, not even people, any living thing, what is their natural purpose of existence? Do you think wild animals care what anyone thinks? Well if they could speak I bet they’d say, “What?”, because they don’t even care about the question enough to even answer it correctly. The animals are out there living to do their best, to make the most out of their mortal experience here on this place we call “Earth”. One simply does not live and freely choose to be miserable.

Live your own goddamn life and fuck anyone in your way who tries to stop you from being your own version of happy.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

lsd.

The Snake and The Lamb: A poetic prose

As I sit here in my room listening to The Doors, I meditate and trip.
I've been over ten million places in a minute and "let me tell you
something...I am tired! I am also wired!

I have a confession in my heart and it's ready to come out. I've been
dazed and confused, I no longer care what to do. I know I'm doing
wrong, but I keep hearing the same song in my head and it says,

"Brake on through to the other side."

Every individual is like a shut door; you never know what or who is
on the other side until you open it.

Jim Morrison described himself as "A Lunatic that fell from a tree in the
night." I believe he meant, he was the snake that came down from
the forbidden tree that was in the Garden of Eden.

At times I am a lunatic or a snake, today I am a lost lamb. A lamb that
was in the middle of the Pasture, but soon fell behind and got lost,
all because of the beautiful snake that crossed my path.

The lamb stopped to talk to the beautiful snake, and he liked what the
snake said. The snake told him, "Travel with me and you will go places
you never been too, you will see things you cannot imagine, and all
the beautiful female sheep you want will be at your feet.

The young lamb thought about the proposal and told himself, "Yeah,
it'll be nice to travel to different places, meet new lambs and sheep."
Then the lamb thought about it some more, this time he asked
himself, "If I travel, will I ever return home? worst if I get lost."
There's where he realized the rest of the lambs were gone and so
was his Pastor.

The lamb started getting worried and afraid, because he stayed
behind and how was he ever going to get back home. He didn't know
the roads. Now, what was he going to do?

The snake saw that the lamb was scared and frightened. So the snake
offered his help and said, "Come on young one, I'll help you find home,
but first won't you do some traveling with me?"

The lamb thought about it again, then he said, "Sure, why not, it
wouldn't hurt, besides I am already lost and I'll need some guidance."
So the snake and the lamb take off on their journey to different places.

Years and days have past-by and the snake along with the lamb are
still traveling.

Lately, the lamb has been noticing that the snake is not as friendly
anymore, and all the things he has done with the other lambs and sheep's
in different places are starting to affect him. He feels very tired, about to
pass-out; it's weird, because he is still very young, but feels very old and
cold.

The lamb has realize that the snake is not going to help him find home.
He wants to leave the snake and search for his home alone. The lamb is
scared. He is afraid that he might get lost again and never find home.
He hopes that one day he will meet a Pastor, if not his, that could guide
him back home; where he could be safe and happy along with the rest
of the Pasture. He misses them!

Until that day arrives, the lamb is still traveling with "the snake that fell
from the tree in the night."

More time has passed, the lamb has grown into a sheep, a black sheep.
All alone away from home, with a snake that still looks the same, but acts
different. With a snake that is not going to take him home and he knows.
The journey still continues....

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Know your enemies, yet keep them close!

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going thru life !

waiting for the right time
Waiting to press my luck
waiting for that one time when i am the right one

goodbye, to the person 
I use to be
The person who let everyone
Walk all over me

goodbye, to the person 
I use to know
Who never said anything
And feelings didn't show

goodbye to the person
who always said yes
did nothing for himself 
But for everyone else

goodbye, to that sad little boy
who went thru life with his eyes closed
blinded bye lies he took the wrong road

just now starting to catch up
his actions are starting to progress
but with every move he makes
His heart pumps fast inside his chest

Scared of the motions
But on an adventurous ride
doing what he wants
And always keeping his pride

There's a light at the end of each tunnel
there's a faith for every heartbreak
There's a song after each sadnesss
and there's a chance after every mistake

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hope you enjoy it. Let me know how you feel about it :)

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Who Am I?

Folder: 
My thoughts

Who am I?
I know my name,
but really,
who I am
isn't in my name,
is it?

Who am I?
I know where
I live,
but really,
who I am
isn't in where I live,
is it?

Who am I?
I know what
things I like to do,
but really,
who I am,
isn't in
what I like to do,
is it?

I'm trying to
figure out
who I am,
and what it is
that makes me
me.

Who am I?
I know what
subjects I like in school,
but really,
does that
say who I am?

Who am I?
I'm questioning it,
and trying
to figure it out.
I want to know
who I am,
and
what makes me, me.

Who am I?
That's my question.
That's what
I want to know.
That's what
I'm trying to figure out.

Who am I?
Someday I
will get my answers,
and I'll figure out
who I am,
and what makes me
into me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Questions about myself, sort of. Please tell me what you think!