self discovery

The Me I Want to Be

I'm trying to be the best me that I can be.
Thats really all that I can ask of me.
But sometimes I wish I could just say,
These fake smiles, they aren't me anyway.
Open your eyes, they are there to see.
Perhaps they will show you the me that I'm trying to be.
Or perhaps they will show me flying away.
I'll fly simply because I just can't stay.
If only Í could make you see,
The me that I'm trying to be.
Shanell Meek ©
March 3, 2013
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm not sure if this is truly complete yet, I just started it tonight. I guess I will keep thinking on it.... but it is somewhat deep just in the few lines that already exist.

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Magical journey

Sitting upon heavenly clouds,
Distracted by a million things.
Eyes darting across the room,
Marvelling what this night brings.
Any tensions that once were,
Will start to disappear.
It's time to let go of any dark thoughts,
Time to let go of any form of fear!
Pure bliss wandering up your body,
Formed as a tingly sensation.
Overwhelmed with happiness,
Taking form in a soft vibration.
Rules of perspective,
Don't stand a chance,
When your gazed upon distortions
Everytime you glance.
Contemplating the universe,
Even existence itself
Imagining life as a fairy tale,
Imagining life as an elf.
Fantasies can come alive,
Nightmares can too,
Wherever you let your mind wonder,
Is where you'll travel through.
The end of the voyage is near
Brains are somewhat scattered,
Forgotten all those discovered facts,
That felt like were all that mattered!
Next time this journey is taken,
Bring some things along,
A notebook and a pen,
A threefa and a bong!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just felt like writing something with a bit of, umm 'dark humor' I guess you could call it!

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Can You Hear Them?

Can You Hear Them?
My journey begins in peace, fading out of my reality at a quickening pace. I eased myself gently into the embrace of my euphoria, gladly accepting its bliss. Shadows were obliterated by my internal light, the light of existence I suppose. Possibly even the light of consciousness, though I cannot describe its light effectively. With continuous complacency, I follow the tunnel of glistening rays. Not even sure of my own safety, I throw myself willingly into the abyss. Though unexpected, the journey is welcome and humbles me. Shaking with excitement, fear, nausea, pain, and pure happiness, I wait silently. No death leads to no life, and vice versa. Who is there? I hear voices calling me, I hear them definitely. What are they saying? Nothing? Or are they warning me of my journey’s end. Regardless of my fear I push on, trudging and wading through the ever thickening flow of blood my feet are submerged in. But there is no blood; it is only in my mind. I am the creator of my journey, whether I choose to know it or not is my choice. Continuing down the corridor, I hear them again. Only this time they were more definite, clearer, and more intentional. ”Feed me”, they said. I was stunned by their forcefulness, oblivious of my own thought reaching out towards them. Who were they? My conscious thoughts? Or were they something much more sinister. I wade through the blood, as if it were molasses trying to keep me immobile. Upon reaching the end of the tunnel I see creatures. Not your normal creatures associated with our reality, our own humane dimension. No, these were frightening creatures, whose very existence caused me to question my reality. Glowing with a dark aura, illuminated only by their pure, sparkling white eyes, which were as piercing as a sun ray through glass. They had me stuck, scared of who or what they were. My demons? Or my evil intentions? I couldn’t figure out what they were. They searched me by sight, gazing into my eyes, and the doorway to the soul. Reaching into my depths they brought forth something which shouldn’t have been brought to light. A dark sphere, blood red intertwined with a black aura, sucking the very breathe out of me. I then knew my life was being taken from me, I knew it indefinitely. But the unexpected happened, or did I expect it all along? The sphere shrank in nature to a size comparable to a small fruit. The creatures said not a word, yet their intentions were somehow clear to me. “Eat it”, I heard. So I did, willingly and unwillingly. The sphere tasted of my own blood, my own feelings, and my own life. Its potency swept over me, nearly crushing me with its intensity. I faded from conscious thought, forever it seemed, never ending. But then, a light appeared as if out of space and time, gathering power from everything the light touched. I have a purpose, the sphere was my existence and I now understood it. With a blank expression I rose to my feet, thoughtless but thoughtful at the same time. The creatures had vanished, but had left one sign of their appearance. A small voice in my head was chanting, louder, louder, and louder, until my mind couldn’t handle it anymore. Then I was there, sitting in my chair, alone and changed forever. I had fought my inner demons and I assumed I have won the battle. But the war is not over, it seems.

What Cloth Am I Cut From

What Cloth Am I Cut From?

I have this ability,

Within my very being...

A Gift?..
A Skill, Yes...

Worthy of Honing.

This, my craft
I've come to love.

But it is so much more,
Much more,.

You may call my way
However you believe it to be...

But I hold it's secret.

See it for what it is,..
and it is Amazing,
It is Ancient, and Limitless...

To me, the one that wields it,
this blessing?.. I see, incredible things.
I alone, my inner eye,..

Then of nothing, shall I create something,..

Seen til this moment,...
By me, and me alone.

Now, made real by my magic,..

Physical, Real,..

Mysterious spells, and enchantments cast
upon, into, over and through it.

imagination, emotion, heart and soul,..

Do you see?... Gaze upon my artwork...

Inside of you, and you, and me...
Strings, and I manipulate, maneuver, Agitate,..
I Soothe, I sympathize, I celebrate,...

Surrendering myself, entirely,

I make each piece,..

These spells are made of every color.
Potions stirred into impossible textures.

Subject matters,..
Please Judge.
Please Critique,
Please, please, pretend
to know my reasons,..

I see the awe
See the hidden wonder...

what state of mind must mine be indeed.

See the cloth that made me,
Makes everything!

I am destined,
I have heard my calling...

Bottom, to Top,..
Roots, up,...

In love with my calling.

by: JRFehlmann.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Again, another rough draft, this one about who I am, what I love about myself, my uniqueness and my love of all arts. Reminding myself to be proud of what I love doing, and less afraid of other peoples criticisms.

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That Night

Soul Searching

The wind stood still for me that night

Letting my thoughts blow from end to end

Having the ability to let my conscience guide me

On my path to enlightenment.

The moon was full and shining on my pale white face

Letting me feel like I was being watched

Or helped in one form or another.

The darkness helped me that night

The tall trees envolping me into a shade of green

The tall grass covering my ankles, tickling

My toes in the cool mist of that night.

Nature was with me

Helping me through my mindless chatter

My uncontrollable need for reason and purpose

That night changed me

Helped me to figure IT out

To put a stamp on IT.

That night I realized IT didn't matter

IT was nothing

And I was everything.


Sherry B

Sept 3/09

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