Using me
Abusing me
Binding me
Torturing me
Hating me
Killing me
IT'S OVER!
I'm breaking away
(it's over)
I'm taking back my life
(it's over)
I'm back in control
(it's over)
Your infectious reign over me
IS OVER!
No more will you hunt me
(it's over)
No more will you beat me down
Your incessant voice
No longer will it haunt me
Death comes to those who wait
And I'm here to end your wait.
I'm breaking away
(it's over)
I'm taking back my life
(it's over)
I'm back in control
(it's over)
Your infectious reign over me
IS OVER!
The glory of the love song is in the singing
Let the brief emotion be one of joy ringing
Such clarity of note, of tone!
The pleasure shared - you're not alone
For the duration of the song
When love expressed is never wrong.
Do not bother right now with harsh reality
Not while the song is sung -'til its finality-
Just live the moment of its air -
A time of living with no care.
Too soon bleak grimness shows its face
But for a time - it was erased
The girl despaired
They taunted and teased
Pulling at her skin
Grabbing the non-existent flesh
Every night,
She cried herself to sleep
Hoping they'd leave her alone
In the days to come.
Her hopes were never granted.
They mocked and crowed
Jeering at the bag of bones
Insulting her in any way they could.
They cried when they heard
Cried at the funeral
Offered condolences to her parents
Little did they know about her diary
Every word they'd ever uttered
Catalogued for everyone to see
A precise document
Telling of secrets and hurt.
Mortified faces
Thought their words had been forgotten
Never realised
How much pain they had caused.
Blank eyes that look in no direction,
The objects they fixate on knock me out,
I can’t remember what I swallowed,
How much, how long ago,
Nothing is clear,
All I know is nothing at all.
Such a pretty little box, to be unlocked,
And emptied out,
Why, what gain? Taken in vain,
Taken to pass out.
Left peaceful, but not even close to death,
But I must have known that from the very start.
I must have measured it up to make sure,
I’d still end up with a pulse inside my wrist,
And a beat inside my heart.
But why?
Why not take the twenty more, and end it all,
Instead of passing out limply on the bed,
Why not end the sorrow in my life,
And all the sad thoughts in my head.
Shivering little girl, with no courage to see it through,
I know what I could take, and I know what it could do,
So scared of the end of life, and whatever might happen next,
Its not what could happen that frightens me,
Its what might not happen,
Its the blankness I can’t face.
So I’m left here with a throbbing head,
A half empty bottle by my side,
For now I’ll just have to be satisfied,
With the tranquillity I owned,
Just for a few minutes,
Just this fear inside and an ache to die,
Until a day when I'm able to go through with it.
The walls are bare
The ceiling is low
Wherever I look
There is no place to go
The door is bolted
A thousand times
No corner to hide in
From the hurt and the lies
No jokes or fun
No laughter there
A misery to be in
The prisoners despair
No place to hide
No place to sleep
Nowhere to escape
The pain is too deep.
Drowning myself.
I forget what sorrows,
Or whether I need them anymore.
I left myself and went to a world
Where I no longer need to crawl,
I went to a place,
Where I don't need to hide my face.
I can live with the disgrace,
I probably won't recall my actions,
And maybe I won't be able to function,
But its all ok, if just for now.
Call me pathetic,
Call me whatever you like,
In my state I won't hear
your condescending advice.
Because I never claimed I could do this alone,
And I'm more alive than I've ever known.
recollections
weaving fiction
farewell letters
to the world
written on
scraps of paper
cautionary tales
tempting revenge
on each victim's behalf
retribution springs absolute
judgment from the mind's soul
clever wording
great sex to the ever reading eye
deep down
all of us are reading Lolita
in the closet of the nearest church
shocking though it is
still
grandma would not be so appalled today
the world has grown up far more than her
parasitic thinkers
yes that includes even me
well at least
on 'The Outskirts Of Believability'
(Dec 22, 2003 545pm)
'Undisguised'
the moon in silent shivery white
proud pale eye to the darkened earth
a whimpering wind
seems to scatter the stars
transfixed lungs
give breathless birth
to grief
I so want to be there
among my celestial friends
the moon is tender with me
but my body is heavy
and no wings could I ever live
to possess
no gasses make up my molecules
no meteor shall ever shower through
my mass
I remain a heartbeat
cloaked in flesh
ever eager for the eventual escape
so graphic is the world
to my way of thinking
my soul
the painter of scattered myths
can only reflect upon
the world through
words gathered from
my fragmented thoughts
(Dec 8,2003 545am)
The sounds echo boundlessly down the long hall
From that pitch I hope the sax never does fall
As I tap my feet as I sit at my desk
I'm suddenly swept away into jazz and burlesque
The inspired impulse I no longer resist
As I dance away from my desk in a twist
The beat does get faster as I twirl and swirl
The fantasy of it all begins to unfurl
Is this really happening while I skylark and spin?
I close my eyes as I take in the lovely din.
Well, it doesn't matter just as long as it lasts
Oh please don't let all this sweet music fade fast.