lost faith

What Am I To Make (Of Who I Am?)

What am I to make of who I am?
I can't blame tomorrow for yesterday
Here I am, already fingering blame
Convicting something that has yet to happen

 

I'm charging the hands of time
That has still to be announced
With a list of thought crimes
Of having cursed us, having lied
From us, having stolen itself
Telling us we had more than was left

 

I'm charging the hands of time
With a list of thought crimes
I'm locking the future up
With those that I never forgave

 

What am I to make of who I am?
If I can only become this man
Here I am, all ready to ruin the day
Guaranteeing agar agar for Misery to breed

 

In rage,
I've kidnapped the charms of life
Blindly,
Somehow, I've ended up
With a knife in my hand
The knife to it's neck
Tomorrow's pleading eyes
Snapping me out of it
I was about to kill a kid
Because he could become a Hitler

 

I'm charging the hands of time
That has still to be announced
With a list of thought crimes
Of having cursed us, having lied
From us, having stolen itself
Telling us we had more than was left

 

I'm charging the hands of time
With a list of thought crimes
I'm locking the future up
With those that I never forgave

 

I'm sorry, Tomorrow
Forgive me, today
I should have forgiven you
Yesterday

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Looking down a road to bypass..

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Asking

 

Trying to make peace, where peace isn’t available.
Behind wet tears, everything’s intangible.
 
Unable to have a clear thought.
Unable to see what’s being sought.
 
I keep trying to hold on to faith
But been broken, faith is now my disgrace.
 
I keep searching for some relief,
They keep saying, hold on to your belief.
 
What do I believe?
In something that gives no relief.
 
I keep asking, and asking and asking,
But maybe he has a hard time multitasking.
 
Cause I’m still here, losing my mind.
Asking for the answers to the prayers that I’ve assigned.
 
They keep saying “all in his time”
Before to long, I wont be able to make this climb.
 
I know he’s there. I’ve seen his work.
All I ask is for a miracle invert.
 
Of my life.
And my pain and strife.
 
I know I’m having a detrimental influential dejection party,
But maybe he’ll send the celestial hierarchy.
 
A band of angels, to help me through
Something to help me feel renewed.
 
If not, maybe I’ll just give in…
To this quote, unquote, deadly sin.
 
All I ask is for a little mercy…
Maybe it’s not him, Maybe I’m just not worthy.
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I’ve never, in my 25 years of life, written a poem. I wrote this because I couldn’t find a poem or song that displayed how I feel. If you feel the need to critique my poem, by all means, do so. But just know that I’m not a writer. I just wanted to post my poem where I could keep it available for myself. 

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