Faith

My Angel behind the Glass

Have you seen my angel from behind the glass?
As she weeps her tears turn to liquid diamonds.
Amazing is that her sorrow can be seen by the blind.
I reach out and touch the cold surface of that glass,
Where our two hands would hopefully meet.
There seems to be another obstacle to block our love.
No words could describe the anguish felt.
To be so close, yet so far
and from the heavens my angel tripped and fell.

Welcome everyone to the freak show,
The mindless, psychotic horror show.
Where every nightmare is made real,
stepping into a reality only I knew,
stepping into the side show attraction.
The rejected, outcast of society.
Step through the curtain let your imagination take flight.
For there is a fallen angel behind the glass
and there before you is your better half.

The room grows quiet as hecklers make their remarks
judging those whom they do not even know.
I have shed my fair share of tears,
known pain, suffering and even sorrow.
I still look for that bright spot on what will become tomorrow.
As the lights come back on,
my angel behind the glass is now gone.
To the heavens, no one will know.
Just to be by her side is where I would go.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is actually a revised version of an older poem I had wrote yet never published. I've been feeling really depressed here lately (always do near my birthday) So I figured it was a good time to release this one. As you may notice its not usually my style. and does not rhyme (is there a name for poetry like that? hahaha)

The World Turned Upside Down

Folder: 
ThoughtShock


(From 'ThoughtShock; A manifesto' Chapter 13)

 

Chapter Thirteen

'The World turned Upside Down'

 

Epilogue “My oh my

              My oh my, look at what we've done.

Found ourselves a pretty little gun.

Towards the heavens we looked, as we squeezed the trigger.

 

          My oh my, barely holding onto what we have left.

Still searching for god during our dieing breath.

Picking up these pieces, of these shattered reasons

memories and dreams of that perfect season.

 

You only lose; surrender when it is then you chose not to stand.”

 

                 The king is dead, as we believe every word that's said

and through the fires we shall walk among the liars.

We seem to have forgotten what this life is really about,

and you wonder why, I want to call you all out.

We see no evil, but can't resist being deceitful.

 

              My oh my, there is so much more than what we see.

A universe within a universe is that really so hard to believe?

Courage can no longer be found in a world built in sin.

Cruelty feeds evil in this game I am determined to win.

The devil will kick me while I am down,

it will be my own doubts that will keep me bound.

Chained to failure it will become a trophy

Look deep and you shall see its my apathy.

Caged within a society, who has a depraved mentality.

Epilogue “The world turned upside down

 

Journal Entry;

November 16th 2012

 

                          Nothing seems to make sense anymore. As if chaos were knocking at our door and I want no part of your insanity, fueled by greed and vanity. Where corruption is often rewarded and somehow truth is abhorred. We live in a world where valor has been slain and conditioned at birth to not even use your brain.

As the tides have shifted, as the deceptions get more twisted and even more wicked. With so much that has already gone wrong. I often wonder if this is truly where I want to belong. Where are the angels, where are those saints? In an age of knowledge god is not the only one who creates. By our hands we have the ability for such beauty, and by our hands the blood soaks so much travesties.

 

                        The only creatures that can think outside of the box. The only creatures to seek peace by talks. Though we choose violence to convey sympathy. An eye for an eye mentality and still too blind to simply see. That through the madness, when the dust settles. We will find ourselves on the other side of the battles.

I find myself wanting to fade away, why survive when hope seems to have left this day. Left stranded out in the freezing rain, an entire world drowning in suffering and pain. Desperately struggling just to survive, just to remain. We become the storytellers to the children, unfortunate that the lessons taught is the result of our sin.

Cowards will always hide behind the lies, their trickery makes for a perfect disguise. This is the world that is being shaped. The world you helped create. It's a world built on greed and hate yet never forget that this life is and always will be what you make.

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was really starting to doubt myself again, until well this started brewing in my mind. I was really pleased with the way this came out, and I bet you all forgot about my book "ThoughtShock"

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Who Wins?

Maybe I should end it all tonight.
Just one shot and I could end it all tonight.
I've grown tired of people expecting me to fight,
I just want to lay back,
I want to see the light,
I want to walk off the earth, disappear from sight.
I want to let these words take action and make this the last night!

Or maybe... Maybe I should wait and see.
Wait and see what lies ahead of me.
After all, there is no destiny,
not to me,
In a world with no god we can be free to be whatever we want to be!

However, I fear there is a god.
With it's sick gaze set upon me,
steering my life into a blood red sea.
I fear there is a god trying to bring about an end to me.
So if I were to end this life tonight, who wins?
your god or me?

Through Death's Eyes

The Mighty Quin Presents.

Through
Death's
Eyes

Copyright © 2012 Matthew Wayne
'An M.D.Publication'.
All rights reserved.

Writing by:
Matthew Wayne

Illustrations by:
Eric D.

Chapter One;
“The Sickness”

His red ball rolled down the street as Quin froze in fear.
“Mom” the young boy shouted with all the force he could muster. He watched what appeared to be the grim reaper virtually glide down the middle of the road. To each side of him people and animals started dieing. Many of them went out gasping for air as if they could not breath. Some held their chest's over their hearts.
Death followed in the wake of this reaper as it moved closer and closer to the boy. Frozen in fear he felt his legs turn to lead as he so desperately wanted to run. The closer death grew near, more of his vision started fading. Just as the hooded figure was upon the boy he blacked out.
The reaper continued on, raising his arm as it passed by the child, his skeletal finger gently tapped the boy's forehead. He gracefully fell back onto the pavement. All was quiet as death continued on down the road. The boy laid there peacefully as cars veered off the roads when the reaper passed them. In all the chaos the young boy takes a shallow breath. The noise fades in and out before long bleeding into the backdrop of his own beating heart.

Quin awoke from his slumber. Laying in a hospital bed. Confused and scared. The last thing he had remembered was his ball rolling down the road, then a black shadow before he collapsed to the ground. His eyes slowly looked around the room. Attached to his body were wires that connected to various machines next to his bed, each buzzing as if they had been left unattended for some time now. Quin's voice was hoarse as he tried calling out to anyone who might hear him.

Gathering his strength, Quin managed to crawl from the bed, being dehydrated made him weak as his balance unstable. After removing all the various wires that were attached to him. He held his breath as he quickly pulled the needle from his hand that had been connected to the I.V. His eyes swelled with tears as he cried out to anyone who might hear him.
When nobody responded he carefully made his way to the door of his hospital room, opening it his eyes grew wide as his jaw slowly dropped. He let go of the door handle as it continued to open all the way.

The hallway was a mess, as if only moments ago there was a riot of some kind. Bed's flipped over, trash and medical supplies thrown everywhere. It was the dead bodies that scared Quin, his eyes glued to the chaos before him. They littered the floor as he carefully moved to dodge every corpse he managed to pass. Some were laying their heads down on their reception desks. There was no blood. No signs of any violence apart from the chaos of the room that managed to look as if a bunch of kids ram sacked it. Quin was frozen in shock at the insanity before him.

The lights above him flickered as he made his way to the large sliding glass doors of the hospital's entrance. Holding his breath as if not to disturb the dead. Quin took a step forward towards the doors as the motion sensor kicked on opening the sliding glass doors revealing the wilderness of the outside world.
What Quin saw however was completely different than what he was expecting. People were walking down the sidewalks. Cars pulling in and out of parking spaces. Walking a few feet, he felt the sun hit his face as he looked up feeling the warmth against his skin as he lowered his head he froze once more catching his breath as before him only a few feet away stood the reaper once more, towering over the boy.

The reaper was about to speak, but suddenly Quin felt a hand grab his arm quickly spinning him around and before him stood his mother, before she could say anything he quickly jumped into her arms holding her tight. He was afraid he had lost her.

“Well I have some good news” The doctor said as he walked up to Quin's mother who was standing at the window outside of his room. She took a deep breath as she wiped the tears from her eyes as she heard the doctor. “Oh.. I'm sorry I was just lost in thought.” She said as regained her composure. “Good news?” she asked hesitantly.
The doctor looked up from his files as he smiled towards her. “Yes, it seems our current treatment is working for Quin.” Her eyes drifted towards her son who was sitting on the bed in his hospital room. He was wearing a gown and a cap that covered his bald head. He sat at the foot the bed, staring straight ahead, as if catatonic. Sitting across from him was the reaper. Quin was focusing hard staring deep into the blackness of the hood. Trying to see if he could make out eyes or anything for that matter.

The room was quiet, until Quin broke the silence. “Am I dead?” his voice was soft but direct. The reaper slowly shook his head from side to side. Outside of his room the doctor was going over the technical aspect's of the boy's condition, “He seems so disconnected with reality doctor” His mother spoke her voice shaky and rattled. “He told me, he saw his reaper as in the robe and everything.” The doctor nodded his head. “You know, with the location of the tumor side effects such as hallucinations are bound to occur, Your job is to keep him grounded here.” The doctor trying to reassure Quin's mother put his hand on her shoulder.

“Am I dieing?” Quin spoke again to his reaper who sat across the room not even a few feet from him. This time the reaper nodded his head slowly. Without warning the reaper stood up. “It's time” a deep voice from out of no where as the reaper raised it's arm a skeletal finger reaches out touching Quin on the forehead. Quin's eyes rolled up into the back of his head as his body suddenly stiffened up before going into convulsions. His doctor and mother jumped into action rushing into the boy's room the doctor quickly starts yelling towards the wait staff for help as Quin flopped wildly on the bed from his seizure.

Chapter Two;
“The Quest Begins”

The room buzzed with beeps as the various machines attached to Quin monitored his condition. Quin's mother sat in a chair next to his bed gently holding his hand, as a nurse was checking his fluids hanging in bags on the other side of his bed. The door opened as the doctor came in. folding his arms over his chest. “It looks like we have him stabilized for now however, I'm afraid now.” He paused for a moment then walked over towards her looking down. “He has slipped into a coma, The only thing we can do now is watch and wait.” He hung his head as he left the room. She turned her attention back towards Quin this time squeezing his hand a little harder. “I'm here baby, Mommy is not going anywhere sweetie. Just wake up” She took a deep breath fighting back the tears wanting to rush out.

Quin opened his eyes, he was standing in the hallway of his old house. Buzzing with sounds from the television, kids running around the house. He remembered this, it was only a few months ago, weeks before he was diagnosed with his illness. His mother was entertaining a new friend as she called it but he was really her new boyfriend. She tried to soften the blow towards him and his younger brother after losing their dad.
Looking around the house Quin spotted his reaper standing by the door. Walking over to him he stopped, looking around the house again before speaking. “What is going on here? Why did you bring me here?”
“Kids!” Quin's mother shouted from the dinning room, her voice carried up the stairs to their room where they were playing. The past Quin pokes his head out of the room and yells in anger towards his mom “I DONT CARE I DONT WANT TO MEET YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND!” he waited a moment before adding on “AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!” His head disappeared back into the room slamming the door. That set off his mother as she quickly took off towards the stairs. Quin remembers this day, she not only had a long talk with him but he got punished as well for acting out as she put it.
“I did not bring you anywhere” The reaper spoke calmly towards Quin. “We are inside your head. All of this, is of your own creation.” When Quin blinked in that split second his entire surroundings had changed. No longer were they in the house, now they were standing in the middle of a field, on a hill. It was dark, over looking the stars and they even seemed a bit brighter than usual.
The reaper's deep voice broke the silence. “You have one chance to live, but it will cost you and you must prove yourself worthy.”

“Quin” A soft voice whispered directly into his ear caused him to quickly turn around in doing so once again his surroundings had changed, It was day time now. Standing in what appeared to be a desert full of odd shaped cacti. Each one representing a shape. Some even formed the shape of a number. In his hand he was holding what looked like a steel bar, no longer than four or five feet.

“What the hell” Was all he could find words for. He quickly closed his eyes and tapped his toes together three times while repeating “there is no place like home.” he slowly opened one eye. Hoping to be back with his mom, but when he opened his eyes he was staring at a cactus in the shape of a square. Looking around again, he noticed what looked to be a trail, that had previously been used a few times. Taking a deep breath he began walking. He did not even know which direction he was heading in.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I just couldnt resist myself!!!! What can I say, I have a bad habbit of sharing my work before I finish it. haha This is the first two chapters (obviously a vary rough cut) of my Kid's book "Through Death's Eyes" I've been using this project as a vent for my creative juices since I've been suffering from writersblock as well as working on various other projects. One of them being The Postpoems publication.

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Is god Blind In One Eye?

Do you cause the good or the bad?
Are you responsible for what makes me happy or sad?
I can't help but look up, tilt my head back,
And wonder if you cause me pain just to keep my life on track.

Now I'm not doubting you're there,

...ok, maybe I am,
But you have to understand,

I just think your methods are a little unfair.
After ten years of looking for redemption,
I guess I haven't done enough to catch your attention.

Or are you blind in the eye that looks above me?
Because I'm not sure if you can see,
But I kinda need a break here,
I need someone to steer me in the clear.

And if you're not willing to hear,
... Then the day I die, god will know fear.

-The Despair

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written at another low point. Probably didn't need me to tell you that though.

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God Took My Sister Away

God took my baby sister away,
He took her away too soon.

I was in kindergarten,
five years old at the time.

The day He took my sister away,
was a day I was not around.

I was at kindergarten,
and my mom and baby sister
were at the hospital.

My sister took her last breath
while she was in my mother's arms.

It's hard for me
to believe in God right now.

I keep thinking that
if God existed,
He wouldn't give a baby cancer
that would kill her slowly.

But something puzzles me,
something that happened
the night before.

The night before,
when I was helping out my mom,
out of nowhere,
I knew something.

I knew my baby sister
was going to die.

I told my mom,
but she told me,
"No honey,
the doctors say,
she'll be okay."

The very next day,
when I was in school,
my little baby sister
took her last breath.

Then she was gone.

She died in my mother's arms,
and I never got to say goodbye.

So, yes,
I understand people
believe in God,
even if they have no way
of truely knowing that he exists.

What happened the night before,
is something that is still
very fresh in my mind.

This little thing
is the only thing
that keeps me believeing

that there might
be a God up there.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about my baby sister Jessica who died of cancer. She left me too soon. It's hard for me to believe in a God who would let my baby sister die.

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ALLAH IS MY LORD

All praise to Allah,
All thanks to Him,
All glory is His:
Who makes me win;
Each clash, each fight,
And guides me straight,
On the path to Him.

I thank my Lord God,
The Ruler of all worlds,
For the strength He gives,
To defeat every odd,
And devilish fraud.

My one greatest wish,
Is to see Him as He is,
And weep in sheer joy,
For choosing me as His.

Most loving, most kind,
Most forgiving, The Clement,
And the best Protector,
One can ever find.

My faith in Almighty,
My reliance and hope,
And all my courage,
Are but His mercy.

From the time I came,
Into this world,
It is Allah whose Name,
Increased me in fame.

I dwell in full peace,
As I kneel and prostrate,
And relieve my stress,
Aches and agonies.

His angels greet me,
To my right and left,
How then, can anyone,
Ever defeat me?

Why should I fear men,
Or Satan and demons,
Why must I succumb,
To the guile of women?

Can anyone ever beat,
The one helped by God?
So I keep on winning,
And never retreat.

Allah is The Greatest,
The Source of my strength,
And this is the secret,
Which makes me pass the test.

I remain ever grateful,
And totally submissive,
To The Omnipotent One,
Whose equal there's none.

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tags:

Believe

We are the foundation of the truth,
the memories of old...
The desires of many, cosmic spirits
in an infinite universe...
We are the missing pieces in a
galactic puzzle, where heaven is
only a dream away, and hell on
earth...
We are dust, ashes, and grains of
sand, programmed to feel pain, cry,
and hurt...
We learn to love, care, and be
compassionate to mankind...
We are holy lies living for a purpose
unknown, the fear of God is only a
feeling!
We are galaxies exploding our lust
into supernovas, creating black holes
with the wicked...
We think we're the superior race,
when in reality we are the aliens of
space.
We are the enemies of the big bang,
created by a word...
Killing each other softly with smiles
and hello's....
We are the temptation of carnal sins,
We are the darkness in the light...
We kill for freedom, then freedom
rapes us, and shut us up...
Say what you will, We are all here to
live and die, rich or poor, the middle
class has it worst...
We are the disorder of man made
laws, abuse the rights of the
righteous...
We are the same, bleed the same...
We are life...
We are death...
We are the days to come...
We are here today, gone tomorrow...
If YOU think you're better than most,
you're fooling yourself....
Believe me...
We are only specs in the bifocals of
the Creator!?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

We are here only once...

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tags:

The Outlaw Gangster

Folder: 
Volume Three

The Outlaw Gangster;

Fear the rath of the reaper, The silver tongued viper.
While you're living on borrowed time, peace is your only crime.
What is it you see when you look into the mirror?
What is it you see when death draws near?

The story of the outlaw gangster, is a tale of tragedy.
An epic saga of heroes and villains dueling into history
and the rebel is the victim, forced into perdition.
Abandoning all hope, when suicide becomes the only method to cope
and the hallow man, finds solitude within the wasteland.

Finding all that is wrong with this world,
through the endlessness of empty faces staring back at me
As a coward who would fold, would bind these souls that don't wish to be free.
Walking among the insane, dining with the depraved.
Perhaps you could explain why we should even be saved?

The handsome man is the devil. Guiding you blind and ill.
Every mistake, every bad action could be pinned on him,
In a world of paradise, temptation will always lead to sin.
When we can't even figure out ourselves,
how can we possibly understand god.
In a world of right and wrong, where wrong is right
I simply walk the path of the outlaw.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just finished this piece up, so its still very much a rough draft... I might add this to one of my books later on, as a space filler.

Your thoughts?

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