Volume Two

Show me the path before my eyes

through this thick haze I never apologize

one day you all will realize

this is my life, my journy, my quest

I may not believe in god, or that this is a test

but when I die, my mind will finally rest

A million ideas, a million thoughts

it's not the drugs that cause my mind to rot

the twisted chaos never stops

that is until your mind numbs

Comatose is what I've become

outside the emotional drama

healing years of mental trauma

hiding years of pain and scars

getting lost staring at the stars

A million miles away

in a world my own, a thought I still have today

A god in the heavens

banished to serve eternity in prison

close your eyes and make a decision

careful not to let it become an obession

colors so vivid and bright

close your eyes and take flight

intoxicated by the rum

Comatose is what I've become

As tonight my mind will be numb

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Bleed into the water

Self Directed

Forced to live a lie,

I carry on into the water.

I won't look back,

I won't worry about my future.

My only concern is to bring relief to this bruised body.

Even now, I can not let it go.

If my weakness shows, then they will kill me.

My bite a hole into my lip as I now struggle to hold my legs steady.

To be pushed this far is inhuman.

They don't care.

They feed of the suffering of others.

This is what they want.

One of the demon-eyed fools calls out to me,

He says, "What hope could there have been for such a fat lard as you?"

I howl as another hole opens in my back.

I can't hold it in.

Though I must.

The fool see's that I still move toward my destination.

He becomes angered and decides to attack again.

This time he pulls me into the black waters of the swamp and hold me there.

I struggle for air,

I struggle for help,

I struggle for life.

I give up.

He releases me and allows my limp body to float down between two trees.

My eyes open.

The tree to my Right appears to be full of life, and glows with health.

The tree to my Left appears to be dead, cold and rotting as the days pass.

As I continue to stare at this tree, I see the horrors that I have been through.

I see the pain that many have caused me.

I look away in fear.

My eyes glance upon the life-filled tree.

I see what I have never had,

I see what I have always wanted,

I see what I have worked hard to try and achieve.

I turn my face forward, staring at the night sky.

The glow from the moon lands directly on me.

Suddenly I feel overwelmed with strength and began to stand.

Though I find that there is no ground beneath my feet and so I fall into the dark, cold chills of my emotions, as I splash around trying to find land.

My skin is tearing as I fight to hold it in still,

My lungs collapse and I stiffen as my muscles lose needed oxygen.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

~*Brittany Ann Beasley*~

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I walk below

                 The Pain.

A no-show.

It haunts me not.

      There is no thought

      No onslaught.

Emotion bridled, mastered



                          For what?

I’ve forgotten,

It’s somewhere here….



                          I walk alone.

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How can you really live

When you want to curl up and die

How can you pretend to be happy

When you're trying so hard not to cry

How can you face the world

When it gets blacker everyday

How can the sun really shine

When it's surrounded by so much pain

How can you say "I love you"

When you can't even love yourself

How can you get out of bed each day

When every moment is a living Hell

How can you move forward

When you're living in the past

How can anyone get to know you

If you're always chosen last

How can you tell the truth

When it's so much easier to lie

Wh go through another day

When it's so much easier to die...

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You come by to see me everyday

You make me laugh with the jokes you say

you hold me and give me such sweet kisses

This is top ten on my list of blisses

You told me you loved me and you always would

I didn't believe it, but maybe I should

Maybe I'll believe that you actually care

But you can't love me because your a player

A player can't stay in one place

He shows no love in his face

A player can't finish what he starts

He's always around to break someone's heart

You try to make promises, but can't you see?

A players life is your destiny

So don't say you love me, I know it's not true

Players can't love, this I learned from you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem dedicated to those who think they can play the game. but we caught on

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If Your Walls Could Speak

If your walls could speak,

Would they talk about us

And the things we've done,

As silent they've stood witness?

Would they tell of how

You've anxiously turned me to face them,

Impatiently shoving against,

As soon as I've stepped through your door...

Your left hand holding my neck firmly,

The right dropping my defenses to my ankles,

Fingers exploring realms,

Soaking in delight?

Would they express how you've made me squirm,

And burn with an uncontrollable desire;

How I've moaned for you to go deep inside,

With swelling lips begging to be hushed?

Would they disclose how you force me to the floor,

Down on all fours,

While I've whimpered and writhed,

Like a dog, begging for more?

And of how I've pleaded with you,

To drive in from behind,

As they've watched without a sound,

Us imitating two animals in a mating ritual?

Would they voice how you've raised me from the ground,

Thighs straddling your waist,

As you slipped inside, legs wrapped around,

For a ride to your bedroom,

Leaving them to wonder what comes next?

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Emotions? What are those?

What she once felt she can't feel anymore.

The sparks he once gave her have turned into ashes

and the field full of roses has shrunk to bare grasses.

At the slightest clue of anger within,

She feels it arise, then goes numb again.

At the vaguest hint of tears or of sorrow,

They start to arise, then they're quickly burrowed.

Sometimes he manages to make her heart melt,

She feels that certain emotion - what's it called again?

Oh yes, "elation."

But it's vanished before she even knew how it felt.

So she thanks him for helping her realize

That true happiness is not achieved through other people's eyes.

He can't force her to feel - that's up to her, you see...

No matter how tightly he ties her noose,

She will set herself loose.

She will set herself free.

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Can sorrow be life

Pain flesh or burning

Entering the world

In pain with life, death, love and hypocisy

I wish pain of sorrow could fly away

From my place of pain

To the nearest shadow

Sorrow grows in the darkest places

Creater of pain

The shadow of sorrow

This is the end of all other emotions

All because of sorrow

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Sometimes I get this feeling that I'm emotionless,

that I'm an outsider in a big world

I'm just an observer looking through empty eyes

I often feel helpless

The lies aren't comforting,

but the truth is even less so

I see only pain and I hear only crying

whatever I touch dissolves into dust

and I taste the bitterness that life has dealt me,

the smell of defeat engulfs me

that is how I know I'm alive.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I think I was one my period at that time lol...I was being overly dramatic. I wrote this a few years ago.

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