Being Loved

The Girl

She hands me a thin envelope.

“This is what I was saying I had to give you”

I thank her and take the bill for the meal we just shared

I shouldn’t have paid, I shouldn’t take on such a caring role.

It was pretty expensive, too.

I feel my wallet’s pain as I pull it out to cover the cost.

How I wish there had been money inside that envelope.

$20. $5. $1. Even a quarter. Anything but what I would face

I see the scribbled smiley face where it’s been sealed

The letters scrawled out that together make a holiday wish: Happy Hanukkah

Chanukkah can be spelled lots of ways, but this way it was alliterative.

Its perfection sickened me. I’d much rather have been sickened

by the alliteration rather than to read what truly lay before me.

I play with the flap of the envelope, easing the glue apart.

I see her scripted red ink that I have come to recognize

after all the stanzas she has asked me to read.

I see the same familiar poetic format. I begin to fret.

Cautiously, I turn the flap back down and place the letter in my purse.

“I’ll erm… get to this... uhh...  later” inwardly wondering when I would

She walks with me in the snow as we crunch the ice balls with our feet

Countless childhood memories are recalled as I listen to the crunching

It’s time for my therapist to see me. I bid her farewell.

We quickly hug, after she requests that we do.

I feel uncomfortable and at loss. I sense myself as an awkward middle schooler

I enter the building and sit down. As I wait, I question the envelope in my bag

I begin to read the letter, the poem, rather… the declaration.

I can’t recall the words that were written, for I have done the best I can

to remove the stanzas from my conscious memory.

What I do remember, is that there was no question … she had declared her love for me

She loved me, in a way that I certainly did not love her.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Prompt: Title "The Girl" by Marie Howe & line "the exact thing happens no matter what we say or do" by Marie Howe

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For Me and For Him

I want him to like me, for me.

Not because I hang out with Britney Spears,

Or have dangling things in my ears.

But, for me.

I will like him, for him.

Not because of his handsome looks,

Or because of the way he knows his books.

But, for him.

I want him to like me, for me.

Not because I star in hit movies,

Or because I win a lot of trophies.

But, for me.

I will like him, for him.

Not because he's a super hero,

Or because he's a great amigo.

But, for him.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

amigo means friend

February 3, 2000

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Don't Let Me Down

Please don't let me down

Don't make my smile turn into a frown

My heart still aches and is numb

In the past I have been hurt by some

Please don't you hurt me too

I have a lot of trust invested in you

Everyday I add some more

Don't do me wrong and make me close the door

Is my trustingness to much for you to take ?

Let me know and from you I will partially break

I'm sorry I sometimes get to carried away

All I want in my life is for you to stay

If I'm placing to much pressure on you

It's only cause I'm trying to see if you are true

I don't want to end up hurt any more

I'm tired and hurt clear to the core

Please don't let me down

Don't make my smile turn into a frown

Author's Notes/Comments: 

April 11, 2006

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my sins have been forgiven

and now I'm clean

because Jesus died

he died for me

so that I could live

and I could breathe

and when my time comes

I'll be granted eternity


cause now when God looks at me

he sees someone who is holy

he no longer sees my sin

they are on the floor of the ocean

and now I am holy in God's eyes

his grace has took me by surprise

and I am holy

God loves me no matter what

he calls me his child

and he holds me tight

and makes me smile

he has walked where I am

and he understands my pain

and he promises that he'll be there

when we call his name


my sins have been forgiven

and now I'm clean

because Jesus died

he died for me


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Fantasy of a young girl

Sarah was often alone

And out to all hours of the night

Spending most of her time outdoors

In the park under the oak tree where she rested her head

and never spoke to anyone

Her two sisters found her a bit silly

They didn’t understand her.

Sarah had skin of porcelain and eyes of brown

Her innocence shined through her long wavy blonde hair

At the tender age of 16, she should be socializing

But she only immersed herself in books filled with utopian fantasies

Her two sisters, Jane and Annie, were always the talk of the town

Jane, average height and with long curly brown hair was the eldest sister

and Annie with long straight red hair, was taller was the second eldest

Sarah also has two brothers who came right after them, Sarah was the baby of the family

Sarah was very honest and although she loved her sisters and

They were not the greatest influences on her

Sarah keeping herself to her books would eventually meet bystanders

In the park asking what she was reading

Local vendors would walk by and offering food or drink

Sarah declined each time.

She would not accept offers from anyone

Her parents always warned her to never appear to seem needy

Jane and Annie walked frequently by Sarah and asked her to join their walk around town

Sarah refused. Shy and quiet-- she didn’t like attention

One quiet and dark afternoon, Sarah sat beside her oak tree in the park

Reading another fantasy

When approached by a handsome young man

Dark black hair and crystal blue eyes

A smile so wide, Sarah couldn’t help herself to smile too

He asked why she was alone

It was too dangerous for a woman to be alone in the park in bad weather

Sarah replied that she was fine, she’s not scared of a storm

The mysterious man, who declined his name offered to bring her home

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Dare I say?

Loving/Being Loved

I remember being an innocent little girl,

Constantly dreaming of my grown up world.

I'd been planning my happy ever after long since,

I'd seen the gorgeous red-head marry the prince.

I was so niave, thinking others were the one,

Fake promises and false hopes before they'd run.

But on that one day, as my faith was running out,

You came so unannounced, shattering any of my doubt.

I now know what falling in love feels like,

And wow, dreams and reality are nothing alike.

You, you David, are my happily ever after,

Filling my life with warmth, strength and laughter.

I don't want to scare you, but I need to share,

However I don't know how much I dare...

I don't see a castle, any swans or a white dress,

Because all I want is for our friends to see us,

To see us happy, laughing, together one day,

This day being our day, for our chance to say,

I love you, always and forever, with all my heart,

Through thick, thin, sickness, health and your farts.

I can finally say I don't wish for a wedding day,

I wish for a marriage, to share my life everyday,

Maybe I'm dreaming again, maybe this is all wrong,

But this has never felt so right, so strong.

I can't accept these feelings without you,

And I'd never ask, until I knew yours were true.

Thanks to you, I am the happiest woman ever,

And nothing will change that whatsoever.

You may never ask, may never want, but that's okay,

For as long as you love me, I will always stay.

I'll be by your side, supporting you, loving you,

Everyday, because you love me too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I feel completely drained after that one!!

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Happy birthday chad

Happy birthday,

I know its you birthday soon,

I know this is not much,

But I just needed to say happy birthday,

I hope you have an amazing day,

And all your wishes come true,

Have a little fun,

And a little trouble is ok too,


Enjoy your day,

Love you,

Happy birthday sir.


Misty Yanish

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I saw the scars on your hands and feet


I saw the blood spill as you were beat


I watched you suffer and die in my place


I can't wait to meet you face to face

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Prayer of a schizophrenic


I am screaming save me as loud as I can

I see you far away reaching out your hand

and so I fall to my knees awed by your grace

and I let the tears fall from my face

and suddenly the scars I wore didn't matter anymore

and I couldn't remember why I cut myself for

everything changed the moment I saw you

and suddenly for the first time I knew


I need you to breathe

cause I am out of breath

I need you to live

so I'm not held down by death

I need you to wipe my tears away

and hold me tight when I'm scared

cause these voices in my head

are too much for me to bear

without you

I am screaming to be rescued from my pain

I scream in the darkness Jesus's name

Then I felt his presence surround me everywhere

and I knew right away that he actually cared

and when I felt him touch me tears of joy welled in my eyes

I finally felt alive instead of feeling so dead inside

and I was humbled before him at that moment in time

and I knew that salvation through Jesus was mine


he was beaten and tortured the bible said

and he wore a crown of thorns on his head

he was nailed to a cross for all to see

he was the subject of jokes and mockery

and he did this all for me

he did this all for me


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