# love # hope # relationships #alone #depression #sad #lonely #pain #tears #waiting


Band Lyrics


Track #1: California

Verse 1:
I’m ready to bury my secrets

If only for a chance on you.

This California weather

Has me falling for you.



Beaches in the winter,

Christmas in two mountains,

Snow on the mountains,

I want to kiss you tonight.


Verse 2:

Take my love,

Hold me tonight,

It’s not just the California weather

That has me falling for you.



It’s everything about you

That has me falling for you.

Yeah, it’s true love.

But, you got me singing

These songs of love to you.



When the time comes,

I’ll find you.

Did you go faraway

Because you did not like me anymore?

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long

To realize it’s more than

The California weather


That has me loving you. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

California weather symbolizes loving all sides to your significant other. Another "love" song that I started writing over a month ago but just finished today.

feeling lonely.

After being vulnerable,

Then congratulated with cheers and smiling faces,

and conversing with many others,

On her way to meet with more friends,

While walking under the stars,

The girl felt lonely.

She felt so happy,

But she had no one to share her happiness with.

As though she was walking beside an empty space, begging to be filled.

She had good friends.

Who she loved with all her heart.

And they loved her right back.

But they only could listen to so much, they could only understand so much.

They tried to make her feel happy, say all the right things

But they couldn't help but make her cry.

"You're special they say"

But in what way is "special" a compliment?  

They tried to make her feel happy, make her feel somehow better about herself.

But she couldn't see the beautiful in herself.

Her friends insisted they could see it I her, but she, the one who needed it most, couldn't find the angle to view it.

She was left believing she was ugly,

That all the happy people around her, we're not happy with her, but only tolerating people, stuck trying to comfort her,

A nag they couldn't quite shake.

They drifted in, and out of her life, because none could understand the lens in which she saw through.

She couldn't bear the weight of being a burden to so many,

And monsters began to crawl into her head.

Purely self induced terror.

They whispered terrible words into her pretty little head, and over time, she began to listen.

You'll never be good enough they beckoned, don't try to fit in, they don't like you anyway.

And aren't those terrible things to deal with alone?

If only she had someone by her side

Someone to fill that hole, or to at least be there to listen.

All she wants is that person, a person to love, after all, her friends all have one.

And no matter how much they insist that their relationship is special in some way, they are just like the rest.

Their time will come.

It will end.

They will move on,

But that pretty little girl will forever be left behind.

the girl tries to recognize that her time may come as well, that someone will come for her. But she has trouble believing it.

That maybe one day her "prince" will come.

But maybe she's not a princess, and maybe she'll never meet her prince.

And that little girl will be left behind.

She will never grow up.

Who Am I

Who am I

I lay awake and think why in this world does my mind sink

It slips into darkness and clouds my view

Of who am I and who i can be


This fear This sorrow

Is all i've know

Since i Forgot who I was so long ago

Everyday I see somone else in the mirror

Who is this person

Who looks like me

Cries like me Smiles like me

Who am I


I've tried to be strong

But it doesn't help when your soul is broken

I thought I knew who I was

But I've lost that map

To the part of my soul where I use to rest

My heart keeps breaking

Small pieces at a time but who am i

to know if this is my time

I wake up everyday and put on the suit of " i'm okay "

and walk alone down the road of life

But now that i've finaly fallen down

I know who am I and what i need todo to get back up

Not I need to be strong

I will be strong

Not I need to talk to someone

Find that one person who you can talk to

Its no longer who I am

But what can I now be

The Pain in Our Tears

The pain in your tears

In the night you sat alone
You wondered were did it all go wrong
through the tears and screams you saw
That this is my life after all

It has been tough i can say
Windering why she left me that day
I said " i love you "
more than i could coun't

But she still talked about the knife
She yelled and screamed and said i didn't know
but i did , but there was nothing i could do

Her pain was so deep , so far beyoned her scars
That her sould was trapped in bars
Bars of judgement and hate
All she knew was that fate

I tried and tried to break through
i'd always hoped that she would see it too
But she never did
She cried one night until she lost her voice

I said " love , please let me help"
She looked up and tried to scream
But i heard nothing but her soul breaking

She never woke up after that night
The doctor said she has lost her fight
I cried and screamed and ask why
Cause she never deserved that life

Its this world thats to blame
For being a chaos of fame
Were one is better than the next

Its a sad truth if life
But we all feel the pain in the tears we cry

002 (7/1/03) My Friend Tanya


My Friend Tanya

by Elizabeth Van Cleve (July 1, 2003)


When she couldn’t talk to him

She wrote him letters

letters in a notebook

on top of his dresser


When she felt happy

She wrote him letters

letters in a notebook

He never opened


When she felt sad

She wrote him letters

When she felt lonely 

or scared


When she was pregnant

he said he was busy

she got out the notebook

and wrote him letters


The notebook filled

She began another

She’d found a new friend

She told him in letters


He erased her phone messages

tore up her mail 

watched TV, read some books

but never letters


She wrote to him

prayed for him

told their son

his daddy loved him


In letters, she praised him

In letters, she dreamed

In letters, he never read

She never complained


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written July 1, 2003
I often think of Tanya and wonder where she is now.  I knew her such a short time.  She is someone I've never forgotten.  I met her in a laundermat.  We were both pregnant.  I'd left my husband who told me he didn't want our baby.  I tried not to get sick each time I thought of his words, "I don't love you like I once did," but I couldn't help it.  I thought I'd die of dehydration if I stayed, so I left for the baby's sake.  Tanya was my friend.  When my husband said, "Please come home," I did.  I wrote Tanya letters.  They were sent back with the words, Not Here.  I got letters from Tanya asking why I didn't write.  I tried again and again.  All came back. She stopped writing me letters.  I wondered if she kept writing to him.