There is a specific kind of loneliness when you lose someone you love

It is difficult to explain…

For some it’s like a hole in their heart…

For others…a permanent stain.


It’s specific for each person

We have our own joys…our own agonies

housed within our hearts…in specific memories


We spend our years making these memories…from every January to December….

after a person dies we spend the rest of our years

trying to remember….


We easily remember the big moments…momentous laugher…meaningful tears

But we find as our mind searches through its memories

It’s the little things we hold dear.


It’s a smile shared from across a room

It’s walks together in the sand

It’s seeing the sparkle in their eyes

It’s quietly holding hands.


It’s a hug for no reason whatsoever…just to show how much we care

It’s a kiss on the back of the neck…It’s those quiet moments that we shared…


When that specific loneliness enters our life…we have no choice but to face it…

But if we’re lucky for every moment of loneliness

we have a memory to replace it…


And when we stop and think it through…when into our memories we dig…

We wonder at what point in life…all our little things became so big? 


And though we know nothing will ever take away the ache

it is possible for the pain to be appeased

by filling up our specific loneliness


with specific memories…


It was a week before they found you

a week before anyone had known.

It took a week for them to realize

you had died alone…


150,000 people across the world die every day

most have friends and family they’ve known

but this poem does not go out to them

It goes out to those like you…who die alone.


Who have no friends or family

for whatever reason why

No one by your side at the end

No one with whom to say goodbye.


We did not know to think about you

not while you were living anyhow…

so we’d like to say we’re sorry

and we’re thinking of you now… 


It is our hope these thoughts will find their way to you

to let you know we care…

that you will feel their presence

and find some comfort there…


Perhaps if we all take a moment every day

to make thoughts like these known

even those who die by themselves


will never die alone. 

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A Shadow of Doubt

I try to be strong

To hold onto my belief

That soon I will be free

From all of this grief


Solid and true

Is my resolve and my will

But that unknowing dark force

Continues to follow me still


I know it’s a manifestation

I’ve created and given life

As it cuts through my defenses

Like the sharp blade of a knife


It threatens to do harm

To all I have built

By delivering that blade

All the way to the hilt


But I know in my heart

My skin is too thick

And my nerves are aware

My reactions to quick


So cautiously I move

Aware of its presence and threat

Creating this darkness

I will always regret


In my mind I try forgetting

Try shutting it out

But I guess there is no escaping

My shadow of doubt


When her Grandma was alive sometimes they’d sit in her backyard without saying a word.

They’d throw little pieces of bread upon the ground and silently feed the birds.


“Sometimes I get lonely.” Grandma would tell her in a sad and mournful tone.

“But as long as birds are visiting, I never feel alone.”


There were days they lost count of how many birds there were…

It’s just one of the wonderful memories her Grandma bequeathed to her.


She remembered this heading to the car for Grandma’s funeral

“Wait…I’ll only be a minute!” she said

Then she ran back into the house and came out with a loaf of bread.


At the cemetery when the service was completed…she gave Grandma a goodbye wave

then gently sprinkled little pieces of bread quietly upon her grave.


“What are you doing?” her mother whispered as her last little pieces were thrown…


“It’s to remind the birds where grandma is.” she said, “so she’ll never be alone.”

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She’s never told the people around her…

she dare not make her feelings known

how, even surrounded by those who loved her,


she sometimes feels alone.

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When her friend told her of her loneliness she answered, “Sometimes I am lonely too.

But when I’m feeling lonely this is what I do.”


“When I’m overcome with loneliness…when I feel marooned

when I’m feeling my darkest…I smile at the moon.”


“And I think of all the people…all the other people who…

are also looking up…and smiling at her too.”


“And I see upon her surface…all the people I have known…

and I think of all the people who love me 


and I know I’m not alone.”

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I have built so many walls around me

So much that now it blocked my sunlight

Each one built with every heart break

And the walls move toward me squeezing me tight


The walls are built real thick

That my inner screams stay unheard

While every time I try to muster strength

The walls laugh at me, challenging me to climb over


So I decided that it's high time

That I break down these walls

Which held me far and away from my dreams,

Away from the person I am dying to become


Here I am with a new resolve that 

No insult or hurt can bring me down

I have had well enough of it 

That now I am numb


When the walls collapsed, the sunlight comes

So intense that I narrow my eyes

I finally see the walls only withheld me 

Not from the world but from myself


I am everything I ever wanted to be

Everything I ever dreamt I would be

Just being true to my inner self gave me the world

And then there's nothing stopping me from anything.

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unkissed skin

There was a butterfly girl
She had a skin no one ever kissed
It made her dwell in endless grief
And all her heart ever missed
Was to be loved
To be touched
Even for a moment so brief


Like a bud of a flower
Waiting for the never coming morning
The moon climbed higher
For the sun she was yearning 


They say butterflies don't see their wings
They live their lives believing
They are

Nothing but grey and ugly things


There was a butterfly girl
She lived like a withdrawn flower
Waiting for the never coming morning
And as the moon climbed higher
The sorrows took their power


And so did the butterfly skin bleed
And for the sorrows there was no need
Because she finally saw the light of the morning
She lived and died believing

She was

Only one of the grey and ugly things
Never saw her



butterfly wings.


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This is

the feeling of

a schizophrenic

after the voices

in his head

have disappeared.



stillness of the

human mind.

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