# #life #suffering #sadness #pain #past #love #relationships

Ship Wreck

She had me open,

I wish I was still smoking,

Because maybe when the smoke clears,

Youll be everything that I thought you were,

I had dreams of us slow dancing,

In a long romance, 

Us being the only ones for each other but i had no chance,

You came back different,

The facade washed away,

You couldnt fake the love for me anymore,

I seen it all on your face,

It still hurts,

I look you in the eyes and I still see us,

But I know the truth,

My paranoia reminds me of the real you,

You could set me up, you could do damage,

And from the woman I once loved I cant handle it,

I want something different now,

Its been a long road,

But I know this love was never the same for you so its time to move on,

I hope you find that one that you dream of marrying,

Just like me, googling wedding rings,

I hope she doesnt smash your dreams like you did mine,

I hope she doesnt make you realize real love is hard to find,

I hope she doesnt make you regret never loving me.. 

Im lying,

Thats what Im hoping in time youll see,

In time one day youll miss me,

Years from now in a relationship full of illusion,

You find out her true intentions for you,

And then you remember how you treated me,

How I sat around, holding you down when you were out at sea,

How I rushed out to see you everytime you needed me,

How I believed in love and how you crushed my dreams,

Youll hit me up, and youll be hoping I still give a fuck,

I probably wont, but the nuturer in me wont be so blunt,

Ill converse and we'll have small talk, 

We might even send pictures if youre still charmed,

I say all this to say, after everything you put me through I dont know why I stayed,

Maybe it was really love or just my compulsive ways,

Either way, i wish you the best,

Please dont be hurt by this,

I needed to get it off my chest,

I hope you stay healthy and abreast,

I wouldnt want you letting your gaurd down and fall n love, get fucked over and become a wreck... 

Like me.

 

Pain Breeds Love

He was stuck in this rut for many a day,

had no clue what he was supposed to do,

what to say,

or how to feel.

"Are you okay? What's wrong," they would ask.

"I am fine. I am just tired."

He did not lie,

for he was tired, he just did not tell them what of.

Was he tired of being alone?

of being so numb?

Of what was he actually tired?

He moved to escape pain in a very dark place

just to get bullied by so called "friends" from said dark place.

He feared he would be alone,

not have any friends,

until this new guy came along.

He finally had a friend,

but still felt something was missing.

a few months go by,

they are dating.

A year or two later,

they are married.

It was a bumpy road the past few years,

but now they are both old and retired,

and happy that they found each other and helped each other to grow

and find some security and hope in each other's arms

and in each other's souls.

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Take a Look Inside

Verse 1:
Take a look inside:
What do you see?

A divergred road in two?

Or a new journey?

 

Chorus:
Take me into your arms

'Cause you're my safe haven, babe.

If I already knew

That you were mine to keep,

I wouldn't have wasted time.

 

Verse 2:
Take a look inside:
Will you choose the diverged road

Or a new journery

Of life's mysteries?

 

Bridge:
Now, things are collapsing

Onto my feet again.

Take a look inside:
What do you see?

 

Last-Chorus:
Now, the time has come for me

To put myself into your arms tonight.

Wrong or right,

I won't even try. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Song I wrote today about looking inside and asking the person you love to look inside themselves to see what they truly think about you two being in a relatoinship, etc. It's about unrequited love, basically.

Love again

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I look up at the sky

I talk to you everday 

Love again

Love again

 I know you what me to 

Be happy again but you 

was my first real boyfriend

You teach me with respect and 

Was kind and sweet you bought 

Me dinner and a movie ticket and

make me dinner when I was at you 

Dad house and none of my ex did that

For me so thank you Nick from being 

A real boyfriend to me and you are now

In heaven and what me to be happy and 

To love again I just do not know if I 

will find someone as nice as you and kind and

teach me with respect like you did

So if I walk by a guy and you know he 

is the one give me a sign Nick and thank you

for your loved and watching over me 

I am blessed to had you in my life and 

Show me all guys are not same there are 

some good and nice guys out there and

I am blessed to got to know you Nick 

© Amanda Kay Hill

12/18/16

 

 

 

 

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Loves Betrayal of One's Self

The fatal game illiminated the rare, young looking, narrow dreams. I want other means resembled in a manner you'd understand. His shadow casts motionless stones in a mirage of captivating light. As his ideas run against the moral state, leaving him rendered unconscious in the burning shadow, despite the path to abominable disaster with no provisions of a beautiful paradise. I laid in the wake of trivial homicide, without the desire to awaken the need of the unconscious monster within my hesitated mind.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this with the aid of an app called wordpallete to help with my writers block. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

ONE DAY

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poems

I hear it in your voice,
Without you saying a word,
I see it in your face,
Without you looking at me,
I feel it in your presence,
Without you being there,
Your vision is blinded by your past,
When you show love it will never last,
I'm always trying too hard,
Your always playing your trump card,
One day your gonna come around,
That day I won't be found,
Love is the strongest thing I have,
But without water a plant will surly die,
And without your love so will I.

Six years

6 years have passed and it still seems like a day before.

The sun which once gave warmth,now burns.

The wind which once embraced now pushes back.

The clouds which once poured out rain with love now hurts with each drop.

The time which is known as a healer is now hurting the most.

6 years have passed and  it still feels like a day before.

Final Goodbye

This pain is so intense
I never thought I would have to bear

This enormous feeling of emptiness
knowing you are no longer there

 

I try to ignore the dead silence 
that endlessly screams your name
 
but my efforts to shut it out
 
Is just a painful silly game

 

Your time with me has expired 
our journey has come to a close
to think you would be here forever
Was just selfish of me i suppose

 

But now i must accept 
and face the painful fact
 
that the knowledge of our fate
is never really exact

 

So now I must face my fear 
and say my final goodbye
Continue to be strong
 
and pretend not to cry

 

 

I know you are safe
and not suffering anymore
 
as you step across the threshold
 
of heavens golden front door
 

Pulling Out Teeth.

My jaw is aching. 
My teeth are wobbling though they are not babies, anymore. 
Adult and grown, they should be sturdy. 
But in fact they're soft and weak. 

I'll spit my blood out in the sink. 
I'll wash my mouth out with bleach. 
Then you never held me. 
Then you never touched me. 
Then I'll finally feel clean. 

I'm pulling my teeth out. 
And all my nightmares lie underneath. 
In the wounds of where my teeth should be. 
Now lies clarity. 
You're not hidden there anymore. 
I'm only left with bleeding sores. 

My smiles so pretty now no ones around. 
No one is stealing hesitant words from out of my mouth.

What a gleaming pair of pearly whites. 
What a beautiful mouth no longer full of fright. 

I'll clean my sink up in the morning. 
I'll clear my mind and thoughts up tonight. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem is inspired by trauma.