Famous

Me on Who I am and the Fear of a Commitment (Short Essay)

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Short Essays

As I watch “Spider Man – Far From Home” – I think to myself how Spider Man is just your “neighborhood spider man” as Peter Parker states and he seems to not wanting to be a popular guy like Tony Stark was….

 

Then I got myself thinking… as I was people on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, etc... (just to name a few social media outlets) … I see constantly several people to become “Insert Social Media Outlet” Famous.

 

As a kid, yea, I wanted to be well known, popular, named for something that I may have done.  But each time, my anxiety hits me as I grow older.  And now that I am in my 40s, I continue seeing this.  People say I am good at ____, while says I am a strange/weird/creep guy (or something else along those lines).

 

Which then leads me to more anxiety and/or depression.  Sometimes it makes me wonder if I really want to be “TikTok” Famous (and on YouTube as well), have a TikTok Crush/Wife/Husband or something… because I constantly see always people that have TONS of time into making videos and make me wonder where they fit all this into.  Where as me with two jobs…  I am just a ‘plain joe’ (if that is what you want to call it) with no extra time, money, or specialty into making some of these awesome videos people create.

 

I do have friends who are indeed “TikTok Famous” and they are awesome people, but what gets me upset is that they are mostly women… Men these days is what ruins a good “romance” for people.  Most are perverted desperate beings who enjoy simply sending women D* Pictures… do they even think before acting thinking that the women will enjoy it or are, they just horny individuals who just want all women no matter their race?  These type of men (and some women too) are what disgust me about the human race when it comes to Human Interacting/Social Lives (excluding Religion, Politics, and the Environment because those are a whole different world in my book).

 

Have people lost track on how to become courtesy any more to one another?  When it comes to driving (turn signals), giving ladies the pass first (even if I have been called “sexist”… uh????), being patient to one another, saying “thank you, you are welcome”, “sir, ma’am, miss, buddy, folks, ladies because people clearly do not know how to formally present them selves to people the old fashion way (which I cringe each time people say, “Hey Guys” or “Ya’ll” (sorry Texan Friends).. I just do not think that is proper English.

 

But that is all getting away from the main point here…

My point here is that simply and I just am a “simple joe” and nothing else… I really do not want to get big famous, or any kind of famous; I just want to be known for something that I am good at instead of being called weird names, negativity on me, etc (because as an adult, I know I have become a victim of it where people have talked to me behind my back… they may think I just “brush” it off, but what they do not think of is what lays within me and how much it shatters me.  Even if I try to hide it from every one.

 

Getting off topic again about life…. What eats me up all the time is all the crushes I got on people and yet I cannot tell any of them  (some know who they are, other do not know, while others I am unsure about, but unknown if I want them to know or not... some are in Mexico, others are in New Jersey, Texas, or even not only in other States of the USA, but also in other countries as well... and also different ages from mid-20s to mid-40s) that I like them because I feel that will ruin my friendship and be placed in the “Friendzone”… That is the sucky part of life (I understand).  But for someone to stop talking to me because I entered that “Friendzone” makes me wonder if they were really ever a good friend to me or not.  Because I know as of lately, I have pushed some of them away a little over the course of years, months, and even weeks… so I am also part of that guilt too.  So makes me to differ, were they really worth telling these people or was it really not to and to keep it as a secret instead.  Some of these are all part of the Mysteries of Life!  Sometimes I want to go with my gut feeling and accept denial.  But other times I really do not want to and just accept the answers to life knowing that I already know the answer as well, even if I do not know the answer unless asked.  But at the same time makes me rather be placed in the “Friendzone” and then be forgotten as I have been so many times. And I move on with my life to a better me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Since I am entering my 40s, I ponder more about Life these days as I continue my single Life... Sometimes I want to be with someone to die old with, but sometimes I am afraid of commitment and living the single life...   Which is why my latest poem and this short essay reflect on my well being of myself.  And trying to keep myself as healthy as possible too.

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