#emotional abuse #verbal abuse #depression

Sadistic Mistake

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personal

Throw away the big mistake

Best decision i have ever made

Torn two ways and hard to say

I did it for me,i did it my way

You tore me down, inch by inch

I felt like i was drowning with every bit

When words were said and feelings hurt

I just couldn't believe what i heard

What came from your mouth, the love a lie

Ultimately you wanted it all and me to die

 

Look at me now, nearly a year later

Feeling better and doing greater

Better than i thought i ever would

Even though you thought i never could

I thought I was nothing with you

Now i'm happier and more myself

Without you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about an emotionally abusive relationship i suffered in for a little over 2 years.

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Pain is in my heart

Not feeling love it starts to hurt

Not being able to make it stop

Your putting pain to to my heart

 

I know you never meet the pain

I know you never meant for me to screem

I know you never thought it would hurt

You are putting pain in my heart

 

I would rather cut to make the pain

At lest the knife won't cut as deep

I feel a hunting pain in this heart of darkness coming back again

 

You were my heart and soul oh father and Lord

You hate your kid of pain you made

 

You made the pain in my heart oh Lord

Author's Notes/Comments: 

patients can Hurt there children with just words

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Emotional Impeaching

 

Double edged, sharpened,

And plunging down deep,

Cut hard to my core,

Till tears from me, seep.

 

A victim now, still,

Of the emotional beating.

The main reason I left,

In my survival-retreating.

 

It follows, like shadows-

And won't let me be.

I can't even understand,

This total hating, of me.

 

Lies, like winter molasses,

In old wounds, are now poured,

Spreading and smothering,

By such a vindictive sword.

 

I just wanted to be happy,

Be free and content.

With no more depression-

But they just won't relent.

 

'Twould it be easier for some,

If instead, I'd just died?

Maybe then, at least,

They may have honestly cried.

 

But instead, this cruelty,

Continues the abusing.

The visceral beat down-

This heart and soul bruising.

 

So farther now, I need step,

Out of such harm's reaching.

For I refuse to be convicted, in this,

Untruthful, emotional impeaching.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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That Dark Existence

 

My insecurities run vastly deep.

Dug so, by the careless hands

Of one so bereft of emotions-

So incapable of true love.

 

And now, having escaped

That piling-on-shovel

I am left to dig myself out

Of the gaping hole that I became.

 

Hard as I try

I slip, I stumble, I fall...

Back down into the dark abyss

He buried me deeply within'.

 

I try hard, so damn hard

To see myself as more

More than the nothingness

He made me feel.

 

More than the worthlessness

He led me to believe

More than the emptiness

He continually filled me with.

 

I'm trying...really, really trying.

But years and years of sameness

Makes it so hard to believe me worthy-

Worthy of anything good and true.

 

Of being really loved, cherished

Cared about and desired-FOR ME!!!

...When all I ever knew was the emptiness

Of my dark and lonely existence he  made of me.