That Dark Existence


My insecurities run vastly deep.

Dug so, by the careless hands

Of one so bereft of emotions-

So incapable of true love.


And now, having escaped

That piling-on-shovel

I am left to dig myself out

Of the gaping hole that I became.


Hard as I try

I slip, I stumble, I fall...

Back down into the dark abyss

He buried me deeply within'.


I try hard, so damn hard

To see myself as more

More than the nothingness

He made me feel.


More than the worthlessness

He led me to believe

More than the emptiness

He continually filled me with.


I'm trying...really, really trying.

But years and years of sameness

Makes it so hard to believe me worthy-

Worthy of anything good and true.


Of being really loved, cherished

Cared about and desired-FOR ME!!!

...When all I ever knew was the emptiness

Of my dark and lonely existence he  made of me.

MajesticDravon's picture

Great write

Lack of human, lack of emotions

For a long time, all I knew was pain and darkness

I showed only one emotion, anger

All its many stages I displayed

Over the last three years, a love has taught me

There is more than destruction

More than just darkness

She brought a candle into my darken world

A candle burning an inferno


The final stages of my ten year war is falling into place

The battles against addiction, the wars against self hatred

The war and battle all leading to the day where

I stand before the mirror saying "My greatest victory was loving my self again."


I only speak from experience and your poem touched me.  Knowing how it is to believing we are worthless because of someone else and their short comings.  It has taken me a long time to see that I am worthy.  Still have a hard time when I get positive feed back.  But it happens, we do become worthy and human again.  I learn we are always worthy.  We are different but worthy.

Thank you.


I am an artist of words as well as paints.

cathycavalcante's picture

I thank you kindly for your

Yes, the damage others can do is much..but I am forever stronger than anyone who lacks such emotion...who lacks a soul.

I thank you kindly for your wonderful reply. Glad you enjoyed the read!! :)