#alone #depression #sad #lonely #pain #tears #waiting #upset #feeling #years #secret #mind #inside #letitout #openup

I am No-One

 

I look at life

I am not seen

I want to shine

I live in darkness

I am no-one

 

My mother talks of

My sister’s golden curls

My brother’s sporting deeds

My efforts are unseen

I am no-one

 

I am not invited

I am picked last

I am left alone

I want to play

I am no-one

 

I see no future

I remember no past

I feel great pain

I ache deep inside

I am no-one

 

How can I change?

How can I try?

How can I live?

How can I fly?

I am no-one

 

A smile not expected

A touch not realised

A kind word spoken

A kiss not remembered

I am no-one

 

I review my dilemma

I see my mistake

I take a chance

I make a break

I will be someone

 

Put my head up

Put my smile on

Put my feelings out

Put my heart out

I finally am someone

 

We are all alone

Alive in our skin

To live with memories

Of our life lived

Whether good or bad

These thoughts are ours

Cherished and ours alone

We are all someone

 

 

 

This work is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced by any process, nor may any other exclusive right be exercised, without the permission of Neville John Gourley, 2 Sarah Court, Capalaba, Queensland 4157, and dated 06-02-2014.

A Miners Philosophy

The man's heart grows heavy
As he contemplates
He sits to think, too vast, too deep
Feelings rushed in time, in this limitless wait
Chronos is against us
He can no longer hesitate
Emotions roll and tears may fall
The gut jolting stretch of a young man's heart
May he learn to love
In this cold damp dark
Or will it be lost in this racing cart
Amidst the depths of this diamond speckled mine
We mine like philosophers
But with luck as such, no answers found
Prospecting for this long lost art
With expectations much too high
These caverns twist and turn with our fate
Too sudden a move and left in the dark
For a second lost, may be too late
As the man's heart sinks as if turned to stone

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another of my favourites.

Communicate

I just want you to speak to me

reach, argue or freak at me

pull up arms or creep tactically

feelings or speak factually

I'm desperate for your communication

some sort of verbal manipulation

with just cause or inspiration

it must be my weak nature

to seek denature from your weak situation

it's an abomination I'm the abomination

Racing through immature relations

watch my lyrical mutation

Making my finest creation

I'm like stuck in halls

of echoing trust that falls

with noone to hear my calls

I'm frustrated at you all

Of this dungenous trawl

it's to I will crawl

it's my will that'll scrawl

what's left but implentating

completely fixating you

It's to you i am narrating

these dubious thoughts

my enemy is caught 

and it's me who's distraught

loosing the will cannot be taught

it's rupturing me like these other thoughts

the nets got me trapped 

it is me who has been caught

feeling myself snapped

personaility is wrought

Bleeding tears of disgust

all covered in rust

you look at me like we got nothing to discuss

i'm putred bleeding and swelling with puss

the venom rage it's seething again

I'm loosing my mind to in the ink in this pen

flow thorugh it again

I'm beleiving this feign?

The emotions are rain

falling down from an imaginary sky in my head

full steam ahead

then go a back to bed

sleep until morning and do it all again

it's somewhere in my brain

these halls are so long, there is so much pain

then these memories abstain

my confiedence acts in disdain

Grr..

There's so much fucks to give

not much worth to live

only my perverse words to sive

got kick it back no worries take it slow

until i get little positive but in face it will blow

I sit back and know

that the deeper I go

The longer I strive to sow

I'm shot down by my own bow

I hate myself but on my body it won't show

these feelings won't grow

because they hiding until my next low

break habits of thinking too much

my reality out of touch

but by evening I'll be battle struck

confronted by my own bad luck

I'm so eager to speak to you

but your so cold and hate seeps through you

I absorb it because I adore it

The hate becomes mine, myself is in it's line

I speak softly into my own messed up mind

then I face the grind, i got thoughts to find

Think about it carefully before there's words behind

what I say, everyday

I think long and hard

because if didn't think you're likely to get scarred

your corpse would charred, in front of the court's yard

but I wouldn't know, because it wouldn't be me

I'm already traumatised, so was it personality 1, 2 or 3?

look at me talking, like I could do that?

It's ridiculous I barely be assed to sit where i'm sat

I can't commit to anything

Onto my memories I barely cling

I'm coming to my limitation

soon I will be just an imatation

of my former incarnation

as I fully let my mind abdicate

No more I will agitate

The story you can fabricate

as its myself that I will assassinate

Be lost in time, thoughts and mind

I'm sick of always walking blind

It's myself I should find

It's myself that is defined

In the blood and murky sea

Of thoughts and feeling that make me

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Listened to Eminem's new MMLP2 and it inspired me (which after being so long feels so good)

 

20:41  06/11/2013

Numb

As the night falls I sit patiently staring at the ground

Watching the ball bounce all around

Nothing but silence into the night

As I sit and watch the ball roll out of sight

Nothing but constant thoughts running through my head

So many things that I wish I would have said

Why must I feel so torn between

Thoughts of the past and what I've seen

I no longer know who I really am

Or who I'm going to turn out to be

I just wish everyone would understand I can only be me

I feel like this little girl

Hiding behind this mask

Asking for acceptance

Is that too much to ask

Theres times I feel so numb

Like no one really cares

I try so hard to be myself

But all I get are stares

What have I done wrong in life

To get such horrid glares

I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be

All I know is who I am

I just wish people acted like they cared

I wish they would give a damn

But who am I kidding to think that this would come true

People are so cruel in this world

There's only one thing left to do

Give up on the people who I thought loved me so

Get up off this ground

Get in my car and go

Drive to where ever life takes me

Away from this little bitty town

Maybe one day people will love me for who I truly am

Instead of putting me down

There's one thing a person should remember

When judging a person by their looks

Never look at the cover

Always open the book

A person is much more than a toy

If you care to understand them

You must learn to take the time to read the story

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Personal experiences with not being accepted by the people you wish accepted you the most!

Depression.

Folder: 
poems

Mind's in a daze,
Don't know where to begin.
Let me tell you how depression wins.
First it creeps,
Then it hides.
Makes life so surreal,
Emotions: they run wild, conceal.
The words you cannot get out --
The hurt you feel: they will always doubt.
Your mood changes..... Your heart hurts.....
Your wrists bleed,
Your stomach turns.
Eyes on fire --
Fresh scars appear.
You fake that smile,
The rest of you disappears.
Sadness comes,
You hit that undesirable, all time, low.
Along with it, your brain goes numb,
All of a sudden, there's no feeling any longer.
Emotionally: you hate who you've become and who you are.
But "Oh, Well", you're used to thinking, "it's just another scar."
Once you're convinced --
The yearning for that eternal peace becomes what you want because:
it feels better, smarter, happier and easier....than ever before.
Once you take that step, and the pain suddenly disappears,
You know the deed is done.
Your endless depression: it has won.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of my first poems. How I've felt for a few years now because of the events that have taken place. Let me know what you think about the poem. Leave any comments and if anyone needs someone to talk too or vent too, come to me, I'm happy to help and listen to everyone because i know how it feels when there's no one there and how it feels to be all alone.