I've placed too much of myself
right here, along the cable
Too much remains erratic
or, better yet, unstable
You moved me like a puppet
yet I gave you the strings
the ones you used to pull me
bound on your broken wings
You thought you knew what made me
much more than I myself?
You only knew the miser
denying hidden wealth
Now I tear from your orbit
Limbs bleeding, bruised, affrayed
I stare out to the future
to history yet unmade
Should I now speak in whispers
or what the slaves call "tongues"
to keep the lice from feasting
on my heart's congealed crumbs?
Do I excise all feeling
drain out my tender side
lest I be snared by sirens
and dragged beneath the tides?
I need now a rebirthing
A death of what once was
Rechristen myself Devil
to slay a thousand Gods
Sing requiems for the dreamer
who choked on your sweet words
He lives now reincarnate
beyond the reach of herds
I've felt this from a young age
through each and every bone
This life of mine - a battle
One I must fight alone
The path I call "Becoming"
A test of strength, resolve
Dare I traverse the miles
and with each step - evolve?
Proud, strong, Confident
That's all right?
Isn't it? That's all I need...
to be happy.
Well that's what you said, hermano.
No? then what? Love?.. Money?... A son?
All my life I see you big bro, as the "man"
the one with it all, the proud, strong and confident
... Man?
and yet... and stand here, before you
you dare kneel before my feet...
HOW DARE YOU!!!
HOW dare you crush my idol, kill my savior
and murder that great man.
You stand here before me, in my shadow
and you ask me for help.
hmph... big brother... NO... he's dead
heh, it's kinda funny...
Proud, strong, and confident...
you were right... that was all I needed... it was never you
I do what I can to keep on going
Though sometimes it seems too tough
The strength to go on seems to leave me
When the going always gets going rough.
Yet the will is still there for me
And I know I have to continue on
Though it’s hard, the path I must strive.
I must continue to try my hardest to survive.
So many people depend on it
Or at least that’s how it seems
Perhaps it’s just my own twisted world
Some sad and messed up dream.
But no matter the trouble,
No matter the strain I endure
I must continue to survive
Of this I am sure.
A broken heart here
Pains in my body there
The lost of many a tear
The stench of many a swear.
Though wrongs it seems I do
I can’t ever seem to do right
I still struggle to survive
I have to keep fighting this fight
For I don’t know what lies ahead
Perhaps it’s a peaceful bliss
Or perhaps it’s that long awaited
True loves first kiss
So no matter what the difficulty
No matter what the strife
Deep in my heart I know
I must always survive.
I spent a weekend in Seattle one year
and I’ve never even visited Washington state.
And I went to Oklahoma in a dream last night.
I often stop by because the scenery is great.
Somewhere deep inside part of your mind
is every experience that you’ve ever had.
A dream can tap into that part of your mind.
And a nightmare is only a dream turned bad.
And sometimes when I fall asleep late at night,
It’s quite amazing the things that I see.
I could try living my life in alienation,
or I could try moving the world toward me.
I once again ran into a girl named Amy
and my body froze up, I could barely speak.
Something about her was just a little different.
Something about her made my knees weak.
The drummers and the quakers and the physicists
are just a few people I’ve met along the way.
And tomorrow I’ll be philosophizing with dogs,
but I just don’t have the time to do it today.
When I stare at the horizon I can see California.
Monterey, San Diego, L.A. or Berkley.
Maybe I’m fantasizing of a life in the sun.
Or Maybe I’m moving the world toward me.
There are a few dozen things to take care of today.
And a handful of places I need to visit soon.
And a few thousand people that I need to talk to.
And a few million stars are dancing around the moon.
And there’s a song I need to learn the melody to.
Then I need to melt into the pages of a book.
There’s a brand new language that I need to learn.
And so many dishes I’d like to be able to cook.
And there’s a girl I need to talk to one day.
And ask her if somehow she can agree
that it never feels right to be stagnant and still,
that’s why I’m moving the world toward me.
Memory so blurred would flash in your head
As you try to look back at a past you never had
It was unfair you thought that you were deprived
A chance to see your dad and with him a life
So you longed so much to be like most children
Each day you would wish that a miracle would happen
Let him be by your side, even for just a while
It was all you have wanted most your life
Never thought you would be just as strong
As the sister you have envied for so long
Lucky, she had met once your dad
Even though it was just a fad
It has been most your life, that you’ve learned to accept
Been through silent pain, now you took a step
And so you, like your sister took on a life instead
Better hope for what’s left, that’s what you did and lead
And to your family you held on for strength and love
Together as one in this life to prove
Every big step taken, now you move
A youthful life full of pain
Left by your dad twice in this lifetime
You depended on a mom who was seldom there
So you learned to work life on your own
Oh dear child you were pushed to mature
Not a day passed by that you didn’t endure
Carrying yourself independently
Living life, trying hard, normally
Another day, another time will come your way, you know
In each of it you hope you’ll find some way to grow
Realize a life better than most you know has
Each day you pray and ask God to show a pass
But even if you have wished, you never forget your family
And despite your struggling youth, you make them happy
Bringing them pride, joy and love so pure
A gift truly you are to them, they treasure
To you there is nothing more than your family
Every reason you have is love for them dearly
You have stood at the peak of heartache
You worn a crown of tears
You have been on your knees
In the depths of sadness
With no rescue in sight
I want to be the outstretched hand
That pulls you back to the light
I want to be the shoulder
You cry on in the dark of night
I want to be the rock you stand on
When your entire world has collapsed
And when those aren't enough
When your torment is just to much
I will be your Atlas
And carry you on my back
I will be your Atlas
And take it on my shoulders
I will be your Atlas
Until the ocean meets the sky.
I found a new inter- strength.
Thanks to God
And his angels
I found a new
Inter strength
I didn’t know I
Had today.
Despite the
Fact that my
Day didn’t
Start off in the
Best of ways.
It like I heard
GOD’s voice
Later on in the
Day saying you’ve
Got tough and strong
And never be
Afraid to stand
Up for your point
Of views even though
Some may think your views
On things are stupid, dumb, and
All wrong,
10/11th/05
He flew with might high up towards the sky
With pride and dignity flap his wings hard
But the wind swooped and he flipped, caught off guard
Tried to call out, but nothing, no reply
In pain and sorrow, he looks up, asks why
Though he gave it all, he fell and was scarred
Now he sits alone, broken like a shard
Thinking of how the pain he can defy
So the days passed, through it his wings he patched
Praying each day that soon he can escape
From the deep black hole to which he is latched
He prays soon for his strength to take shape
His goal is to survive and be dispatched
To fly once more, leaving the world to gape