Out of all the people that came in and out of my life in the last year, and there has been a lot, you are the one I miss the most.

I live my life by 'oh wells' rather than 'what if' or 'what could have been' but you are the only one that makes me tear up when I think of 2011

Why did you have to go?
Yet you're so close.
So unreachable.

I can't help but to think of you with every mistake I repeat.
Maybe that's one of the reasons I keep doing what I'm doing.
It's destructive, yet familiar.
Maybe I do it because when the time to cringe comes I can envision you, perfectly clear in the Adidas hoodie telling me 'i told you so'.

I miss how your voice plays across my ears.

It hurts.
In a masochistic kind of way.

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In Her Hands


In the betrayed lover's hands, I lay crumbled
Drowning in her tears, as we weep of our loss
I can only stare at the glorious love
I had to wish on the glistening sadness
I apologize, and I apologize

Yet, in her hands I die death every hour
Without her I swirl in hurricane motions
To destroy the hatred that breeds within my black heart
In my small world, my Highway cracks at my strut
I cannot move on because I haven't tried

I won't, I am unable because I find myself in her hands
I am drowning in her glistening sadness
Dying a tortured death in the hours between visits
Does she know, does she understand the torture I am in

Could I speak or keep stitched lips as I have been
In the betrayed lover's hands, I lay frozen in fear
I draw soggy breathes as I count the fallen stars
The river of sorrow consumes me
And I allow it to do so, this one battle the Bal'dons cannot win

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