lost alone and confused

Lost Soul

Folder: 
poems

So many lost souls
I can now see it's not just me
Some of us are still fighting to be found
Some of us will never be found
Lost in a world of waste
How long am I willing to wait
How much more can I truely take
How many more times will I get back up when I think I've finally given up
Is this just the beginning or is it surely the end
Is my soul really lost or was it never there at all
Am I ment to feel so broken and abused
I'm filled with sarrow and full of pain
I can't be happy because then I feel shame
Guilt eats me up and spits me back out
I'm always filled with doubt
I rather be hated then to be loved
So many things wrong with me I can't dig myself out
I keep crying out but i guess nothing really comes out
I get left with no answers
I can't seem to figure shit out
Someone please help me out.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my first ever poem i've done....

Toska*

Folder: 
Newer Poems

Hand over hand spinning through time
Deep with thought in this tormented mind
Selfish, angry and twisted with rage
Screaming and crying through bars of this cage
The quickness of life moves with such speed
Pages move faster than what I can read
Constantly turning to remember the past
Visions embedded; I want them to last
Sorrow and solitude all in my reach
An indestructible barrier unable to breach
Desire and burning resides in my chest
Desperately seeking to put them to rest

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For anyone who doesn't know, the word Toska is a russian word. It is one of the words that doesn't translate into just one word in the english language.

Vladmir Nabokov describes it best: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”

I welcome any comments so feel free to speak honestly.

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Help

Im going crazy,
I'm going mad,
Im going out of my mind!

Everything is out of proportion,
Everything is falling apart,

Im falling,
Im falling into this hole,
this hole where everything is screwed up!

Everything around me is falling
and breaking
and rotting...

I dont know what to do anymore!

Im screaming,
Im running but nothing is there
there's silence all around!

Im falling
Im sinking
Im drowning into this emptiness,

Im calling for help but no one is there...
Im calling for you,
but you're not there,

Im crying,
Im sinking into this black hole ...
Everything around me is fallingout of proportion,

Im calling,
..but
you're not there...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

'06

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