Wait For The Silence

I took the gun out last night, and had it by my side.
I took the gun out last night, no more emotions left to hide.

Pain and suffering fill my head,
I honestly wish I were dead.

My heart no longer wants to beat,
Take all these memories, and just delete.

I took the gun out last night, and had it by my side.
I took the gun out last night, no more emotions left to hide.

Feel the barrel smooth and cold,
Feel the barrel, a story untold.

I wish someone cared as much as I,
Hurt encased around my heart, as I sit here and cry.

Love, hate and pain,
I have nothing left to gain.

Feel the barrel smooth and cold,
Feel the barrel, a story untold.

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Let Me Help You

Stop pushing me away
I cant stand the day
When You say you don’t care
I can not bare
Can I have one last kiss?
It is as simple as this,
Let me help you
And it will help me too
I get scared when you’re mad
But when your happy I’m glad
I cant take seeing you like this anymore
So I will walk out the door
I will really miss you
I hope you take time to review
How much pain you truly brought
Along with all the distraught
Please don’t regret me
I love you so I’m setting you free
If you love me too, please come back
Just don’t leave me with another attack

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These Words

First Poems

These Words

I could tell myself a thousand times
But only ask you once
Why must this be so hard
I don't understand how I couldn't get the courage
To tell exactly what I feel
You are someone I can't get down
The words you say
The moves you make
All for something or all for nothing
The motions the gestures
I don't have a clue
Are they for me?
Or are they for you?
Tell me once
Tell me twice
That you don't know
I am breaking
I am falling
I want to see through this
And everyone is giving me a hand
But I won't take it
No I care about this to much
To give up
To back down
So let me look into your dark eyes
And let me see acceptance in them
I am on my last stand
But was this all part of your plan


I'm trapped inside of my heart,
looking around things seem to be torn apart.

Signs of no occupancy for many a years,
could it be the water damage from salty tears?

Trust and Commitment seem to have left all baggage and belongings behind;
Looks as if they left in a hurry, maybe even committed a crime.

Yep, I found a chalky outline drawn around Love,
Oh wow, here's another, around Monogamous, as I look above...

As I continue my stroll, there seems to be more,
Yes a crime was definitely committed here for sure.

Oh, no this can't be,
Is this a chalky outline around Trust and Commitment I see?

They seemed to have died together holding hands,
Could this crime have been committed by one man,
Or the combination of many, plenty even.

Hold on, wait... I just found a note and it's titled " Barely Breathing"
It reads...

Dear You,
If you're reading this note it's because I've gone and done it.
I just couldn't take anymore of that false sense of loving.

Day after day, giving my ALL-Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.

Sowed the love I expected to reap, I even prayed..."Now I lay me down to sleep"

Yet I still seem to come up short, only managing to meet those who treated love as a sport.

I felt the walls were caving in on me, if I haven't met true love by now-it must mean it's not meant for me.

Next I want you to know, I didn't do this for show. I did it to prove a point...okay I did it because they said I won't.
...Ever leave, because I'm just too nice...believe me I contemplated my decision, more than twice.

Lies, Deceit and Drama are the main conductors. They are the ones who produced most of this torture.

Find those three and you'll find the evidence, it will lead you to PANDORA'S box and then it will all make sense.

Well my pulse seems to be getting weaker, which means I'm going from "Barely Breathing" to a "Deep Sleeper."

So I leave you with this last clue...Be careful who you give your heart to!

This note will self destruct and leave this heart broken, in 3, 2, 1... Just joking.
Save this and re-read it, as a constant reminder of how I was mistreated.

Your Heart

Watch as it unfolds...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a dish my heart prepared and fed to my brain...

Orange Wall

2010-2012 Poems

In the corner of the orange room, I sat and cried...
I stared at the wall and wondered why I came
and why I was still sitting there.

When all there was to see and feel
was a ghost of the past,
that will never ever come back...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

-(c)jerlin 09June11

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Master Plan

There's reason to my madness
I'm not just insane
It's part of my master plan
All part of my game
I've been hurt so many times
Never will I be again

They brought me down in the past before I could realize
I'm stronger now, more powerful and soon they will come to their demise
They should have stayed away from me
I told them to not come near
But Soon they all will see
I'm the one person they should fear

There's a reason to my madness
I'm not just insane
I warned you all to stay away
It's now your turn for pain

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A rage so fierce it burns
Anger lights up your eyes
Your body radiates pain
One look in the mirror
You know you are the only one to see it

Frustration so intense it quivers
Pain flows through your veins
Regret throbbing in your lungs every time you breathe
One look in the mirror
You know you are the only one to feel it

Despair so great it freezes your soul
Sorrow pumps through your heart
Anguish shreds your soul to nothing
One look in the mirror
You know he doesn’t care

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My Last Plea

Though my eyes are open I cannot see,
I know my name but not who I be.
The sun it shines but I get no light,
Every second of the hour it seems you want to fight.
My love is a river with nowhere to go,
Like a puddle or pond with nowhere to flow.
Trapped and confided I can’t escape these thoughts,
Cursed and ridiculed; is this my fault.
I smile, I love, and I give my all,
But pain and bullsh_t is all I cause,
I’m surrounded...there’s no way out,
By lies and things I know nothing about.
Will you ever stop and present me the chance,
To have your love I worked for
and not be judged by your glance,
Not put down for someone else’s past,
Not acknowledge as the driver of someone else’s crash.
Not as the problem I seem to be,
An unneeded piece to a puzzle complete.
Is there a place that we can one day belong?
A place where this pain and the hurting is gone.
There is; but can we fix it before we get there,
Or do my eyes have to close forever...
Before you see how much I care.


I need another story

Something to get off my chest

I can't sleep, I get no rest

Awake in the nights

I toss and turn, I feel a burn

Where there's a pain in my heart

I don't know where to start

To begin, where do I go

Without you I don't know

This week I cried

Last year i lied

But at least I tried

To make you happy

And give you what you wanted

My room seems haunted

As I'm taunted

With what once was


You're like a song stuck in my head

That I can't get out

I should've taken a different route

To escape the fate

Opened a gate, but it's too late

I'm here and you're there

You broke me and didn't care

I want something else

A new path to follow

I'm empty inside, hollow

I just need another story

something else to read

I'm tired of the same unhappy ending

It's not what I need

What I need is you

No, I want something new

But who

No one can be

To me

The way you once were

Do I really want this

I can't be sure.

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