family ties

There for me.

Growing up you where the one who was everything to me.
No matter what i did, you always forgave me.
You didnt have to punish, yell or scream, all you had to do, was look down at me.
I would know right away, that i disapointed you, and i would walk away.
To the place where i would hide, and cry in till you came.
Picking up me, and knowing from the look on my face,
that i knew i made a mistake. You would hug me tightly, and
say its ok, wipe the tears away and send me off to play.

You taught me how to do almost everything i know,
from cooking, baking, scrap booking,and gardening,
to biking, swiming, skateing, and singing.
I spent move of my time, in the kitchen, following you around,
and helping you.
I used to glue pictures of fairys inside of a book.
I planted roses, and marigolds, with you.
I didnt understand though, how you could teach me how to ride a bike,
swim, or skate, when you didnt know how to, yourself.

You where my Hero growing up, you never pushed me away.
When ever i came running over, you would have this huge smile across your face.
You played games with me, and would bet candy on who ever won.
You belived in me, when every one else, thought id never belong.
You supported my every wish, and every dream,
and told me to go get it, even if it was silly.

You always told me, storys, and listened to mine,
you held me close when i cried, and would wipe the tears from my eyes.
You didnt try and force me, into things that i didnt want to do,
you let me make my own desions, and watched me fight on threw.
You where the reason why, i kept fighting this fight,
the reason, why i am alive, when i wanted to lay down and die.

If it wasnt for you, and all that you did,
i wouldnt be who i am, or do the things i do.
I wouldnt be the same person, that i am today,
and for that i am gratifull, that i can say,
that i had you, the entire way.
Till the day, you had to leave,
God wanted his child to come on home,
even though i wanted you to stay,
i couldnt stop him, anyway.

Even though your done today,
ill never forget you, or what
you've done for me.

I love you always and forever,
your great-great- grandaughter.

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Choices part II

My son now nine, asks me questions,
Straight, upfront, disturbing
I have no answers he can understand
I wish I could tell him
That he’d be normal one day
And the incontinence and the smell
Of pampers will go away
I am an optimist and
Have faith in GOD
And I tell him He will make him
Better one day. Look after him
Long after I am gone.
I still remember the choice I made
Despite being aware of all the challenges
Life would bare
I have seen him crawl on his belly
As his legs were too weak to bear the weight
And I have witnessed him
Stand up and play
I have learnt more from him
Than I could ever teach
Courage, patience, will power
And the desire
To achieve tasks beyond his reach
At night as his mother
Massages his aching legs, finds painless blisters
On numb feet
It hurts.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is the second part of the poem Choices part I i posted when my son was born. Hope you like it.

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Oh Mother

Oh mother I love you dear
but this you've passed on
the manipulation the fear
the passive aggression still lives inside
stuffing, ignoring and wanting to hide
when will I let go of these traits
when will I stop making such great mistakes

oh mother I love you dear
my love for you is so sincere
but this you've passed on
leaves people mistrusting me
so suspicious and always left questioning
how can I blame them when this is my truth
should have grown past this while still in my youth

oh mother I love you dear
but this you've passed on
won't just disappear
the blaming the shaming the guilt instilled
all of it leaving me so unfulfilled
I try so hard to fight my own nature
and no one's gonna sign my liability waiver

Oh mother I love you dear
but this you've passed on
I cannot revere
you say it's a family trait
like it's something to celebrate
but that does not resonate
and I will not be your replicate
Oh mother I love you dear
I promise myself I will perservere

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