Pain is more painful in remembrance
than in experience,
it kills ones remaining strength and then
shatters his conscience.
When I listen to voice of society
I do it sincerely.
Truly, I shun no one.
But when I begin talking no one listens
like i never exist.
Alas! I am no one.
I never
considered emotions
as the backbone of my
existence -
if it falls, it falls
alone.
Collapse is
a wounded ego,
for It is that keeps
me standing wherever
soil I'm on -
Gaining it back
is being reborn
as another
person.
(Feb-2005)
what do you want?
what are you doing?
how come nothing
ever comes from
every new step?
no--
you'll never
ever know
all the world
outside
just what you see
from the inside
the only way
you can survive
is to know
the world will survive
without you
your soul is
the only thing
you can change
the only thing
that's really yours
to take with you
the world exists
for itself
you just bumped
into it without
any help
your soul is the only thing
you can perfect
the world wants it dead
because your death
is all it knows
your death is what
it will show
not your soul
i.
As I walk this field
the grasses I stepped at bow down.
Today, I'm their King.
ii.
The winds tell something
that we cannot understand.
Alas! They don't lie.
iii.
Waves rush to the shore
creating their signatures;
but no one will know.
iv.
Observe the falling leaves -
how beautiful to see them
as they reach the ground.
There is no known reward, so far,
that could equal the nobility of
a statue.
A statue is the most commendable
above all that would not grow.
It has done feats that man alone cannot do.
Proudly, it stands, it endures
the sweet sores of the eye of the sky
and pains cursed by those who walk.
It never bows, nor does it bend.
Not at all. Still, it boasts only
a little; or it never even does.
at the day's end, we still can't
hear it complain, nor see it frown.
It just stands with dignity
that touches the chest of heaven.
Despite this, a statue is satisfied
with its lifeless existence.
When I look back
at the battles I've won,
I see nothing
but spaces, also doubts -
I am this man
without any image,
even senses -
this is the life I've spent.
being an examination of the fruitfullness of letting go.
Taking time to not skip the cracks
the midnight gone and into the kaleidoscopic dawn
finding the alluring of the stacks of books awry
the skies themselves cannot embrace her in their serious moods
the time comes with it's own freedom
to laugh the meaning away from the words
I felt your eyes burning holes in my back
My heart was racing, my confidence broken
My self-esteem shaken
An inferiority complex on my face
A refugee look, marginalized
Queered by my own mouth
Did I really want to retire
Or did I need therapy?
Cheers to the longest pain I have ever felt
I didn't want to get out of bed
No sleep, my legs cramped in the night
Did everyone hate me
Or was I just worried about my future?
I was in this cave of pain
And it would not let me heal
Almost all my friends were gone
It seemed like I had been lost
these last few years
Devils taunted me with my own fears
I needed to start to come out
I took slow deep breaths
Loved ones will come back if they feel the same
Just as Socrates said
No one should live an unexamined life
Your feelings are your own--logos, reason
Your subconscious, too--soul, psyche and God within
You control your feelings
You control your actions
Whose face is that in the mirror?