It’s been said
by someone
much wiser than me
that folks under 50
should avoid whiskey
like a plague
but after you turn 50
whiskey is medicine.
I guess this
is another benefit
that comes with
that AARP membership.
But looking at the clock
I see that it’s about time
for me to take my medicine.
Jumbo the elephant
biggest boy on earth
drank whiskey
got way too friskey
smashed down
without a frown
the elephant barn
and now sews yarn
Jumbo went to rehab
an elephant
with alcohol scabs
he sits and prays
spends all his days
in Alcoholics Anonymous
with other drunken sailors
and green alligators
and he yawns
with a soul to pawn
giving his life to Jesus
what a creature
accepting his fate
as a Heavenly feature
reinstated
and spiritually related
got the
golden paw
and Heaven he saw
sitting on a cloud
sitting on a cloud
Jumbo is partying
with Jesus
partying with
Moses and Noah
don't you know it
Jumbo the elephant
I just got back from the shack out in the Woods ‘cause I thought it could be cool to rule the local wild for a while,
maybe bring a smile to my fairly funky face,
but it went sour
my aurum power proved dour after too few hours.
If only digestion didn’t have a bias
against the trials of King Midas,
gold causes me severe gastritis,
in agony, alone in the silence,
I had to make an alliance
with the mire I might become buried in,
and only the syrups of sin,
that is, whiskey and gin,
had the rights of alchemy to enter me.
Was so wasted on rye that I learned to fly
from a raccoon that I raced to the Moon,
she won, even went to the Sun,
“Don’t burn up, hon!”
Down at the bottom where the darkness sleeps,
there's wayward souls and they're reaching for me.
Beneath the surface where the Devil reigns,
he's eying me up and he's fitting my chains.
Just passed heaven, I'll be drunk at the bar.
Tell Saint Peter I can't get in that car.
There's broken angels calling out for a tune,
Cause lord knows heaven don't got the blues.
Christ don't judge me, hell, he just understands,
he splits old wounds and I drink the blood from his hands.
Compare the broken hearts that we wear on our sleeve,
He says he'll heal me if I'll only believe.
But the devil wants me on the road that he paved,
makes a living on the souls can't be saved.
Wine is fine, and even better when free,
But Satan's a whiskey man, just like me.