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It’s been said

by someone 

much wiser than me

that folks under 50

should avoid whiskey

like a plague

but after you turn 50

whiskey is medicine.

I guess this 

is another benefit

that comes with

that AARP membership.

But looking at the clock

I see that it’s about time

for me to take my medicine.

Jumbo the elephant

biggest boy on earth

drank whiskey

got way too friskey

smashed down

without a frown

the elephant barn

and now sews yarn

Jumbo went to rehab

an elephant

with alcohol scabs

he sits and prays

spends all his days

in Alcoholics Anonymous

with other drunken sailors

and green alligators

and he yawns

with a soul to pawn

giving his life to Jesus

what a creature

accepting his fate

as a Heavenly feature

reinstated

and spiritually related

got the

golden paw

and Heaven he saw

sitting on a cloud

sitting on a cloud

Jumbo is partying

with Jesus

partying with

Moses and Noah

don't you know it

Jumbo the elephant

I just got back from the shack out in the Woods ‘cause I thought it could be cool to rule the local wild for a while,
maybe bring a smile to my fairly funky face,
but it went sour
my aurum power proved dour after too few hours.

If only digestion didn’t have a bias
against the trials of King Midas,
gold causes me severe gastritis,
in agony, alone in the silence,
I had to make an alliance
with the mire I might become buried in,
and only the syrups of sin,
that is, whiskey and gin,
had the rights of alchemy to enter me.

Was so wasted on rye that I learned to fly
from a raccoon that I raced to the Moon,
she won, even went to the Sun, 
“Don’t burn up, hon!”

Down at the bottom where the darkness sleeps,
there's wayward souls and they're reaching for me.
Beneath the surface where the Devil reigns,
he's eying me up and he's fitting my chains.

Just passed heaven, I'll be drunk at the bar.
Tell Saint Peter I can't get in that car.
There's broken angels calling out for a tune,
Cause lord knows heaven don't got the blues.

Christ don't judge me, hell, he just understands,
he splits old wounds and I drink the blood from his hands.
Compare the broken hearts that we wear on our sleeve,
He says he'll heal me if I'll only believe.

But the devil wants me on the road that he paved,
makes a living on the souls can't be saved.
Wine is fine, and even better when free,
But Satan's a whiskey man, just like me.