suddenly

suddenly

suddenly you're this person, this 'adult'

and suddenly you're talking to younger persons

the way you remember grown-ups

talking to you when you were a kid

and it's all happening so fast

and it's all so scary and unknown

 

and suddenly you feel proud about your job

(even though it's nothing like you ever imagined)

even though the unfulfilled dreams of

what you originally 'wanted' to do

is all that fills your sleepy head at night

and sometimes you have nightmares

about never doing anything good

or artistic or honest

but they leave your mind as soon as you wake up

 

and sometimes suddenly you wonder what you're doing here

why are you setting an alarm

why are you checking your email

why are you dressing up for that meeting

why are you mixing too much sugar into your coffee

 

this isn't 'it'

this isn't anything

 

sometimes suddenly you remember those nightmares

sometimes all the caffiene you consume leaves you nauseous

sometimes you get sad and it makes no sense

to anyone else but you

 

and you want to run

and maybe hide

mostly just so the nightmares will stop

but also because you know you have

something to contribute

but you just

don't know what it is yet