Relationship goals

What I Desire in My D/s Relationship

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

Relationships take work. Work means negotiation and re-negotiation. Quite often a relationship starts off one way and evolves into something entirely different.

 

Submission, Nothing More:

 

PLEASE NOTE: WHAT FOLLOWS IS AN OUTLINE FOR WOMEN DESIRING TO SUBMIT TO ME. THIS IS NOT A SET OF RULES OR EXPECTATIONS FOR WOMEN WHO DESIRE TO BOTTOM FOR ME. THERE ARE COUNTLESS DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS AND SUBTLETIES WITHIN A POWER EXCHANGE, THIS IS THE ONE THAT EPITOMIZES WHAT I MOST ENVISION MY IDEAL TO BE


...at least until something or someone comes along that I begin enjoying even more!

 

The secret for success is being adaptable.

 

In all fairness, I am not very adaptable. So I attempt to admit that reality from the start and try desperately to explain what I want to any potential partner so the least amount of adaptability is needed from her.

 

Still, those who become attracted to me and I thus consider for relationships, seldom fit the mold of what I desire. We get caught up in the illogical emotion of "love" rather than practicing the logic and practicality of the "relationship" rules I have outlined below:

 

The Dom/sub Partnership Ideal:

I desire and can envision a very healthy Dom/sub partnership someday. I do not need a "princess by day, slut by night." I desire whatever any naughtiness we conjure up to be used for each of our mutual benefits.

 

A few key things to remember regarding submission to me:

 

-Bratty behavior is not submissive behavior (brats can be fun to play with, though).

 

-Just because you like having rough sex does not make you submissive.

 

-Just because you like being slutty does not make you submissive.

 

-Just because you like to be beaten or disciplined does not make you submissive.

 

I enjoy all of the above but I desire honor and obedience more than any of the above activities.

 

My submissive and I will complement each others' lives.

 

I desire a woman smaller than me, which isn't too difficult since I am 6'3"/250lbs.

 

Relationship Dynamics:

Despite my long list of play partners and participation in polyamorous affairs for the last ten years of my life, at heart I am emotionally monogamous. I do love to flirt, but that has nothing to do with where my heart is set. My monogamous spirit can work within a poly-sexual relationship framework providing I am in a dominant role with my partner making the decisions for us. Therefore sluts and other sexually adventurous females are encouraged to apply for my attention. For me sexuality is fluid and I do not want sexual limitations placed upon what my partner and I see as pleasurable.

 

So I suppose you could still label me "polyamorous" but this is because I have loved more than one person in my life (sometimes at the same time), and love is not something I can turn on and off very easily.

 

I have the capability to love more than one person at a time. I am very selective in who I love. This being said, until I have made a commitment I scene, play, spank, flirt with, talk to and even fuck people who I do not love. It is extremely important that you understand this and are comfortable with me being this way.

 

In my life I have explored, and been happy living in both mono-amorous and poly-amorous relationships. The only relationship dynamic I don't want is a life of celibacy. I lived that for the first 35 years of my life. I most accurately describe myself as a hybrid of poly in play and mono in devotion. Though I have been in loving relationships with two women at once, they never seem to flourish unless the women themselves are also intimate with one another.

 

I do like to flirt, and that is never going to change. Some of my attention will always be devoted towards other people; therefore anyone submitting to me must understand this and not hold any jealousy towards my flirtations and other relationships. I desire commitment from you. I also desire that the concept of reciprocated love be available to us, regardless of how you define it. When a woman submits to me I want the freedom to express and develop loving feelings towards her. I do not want to invest myself into a relationship if I cannot get love, commitment and obedience from her in return.

 

Like any relationship with two very unique individuals, much of it is an ongoing and evolving process. My ideal partner falls somewhere between babygirl (cute, fun and someone who looks up to me) and slave (competent, confident in herself as well as desiring to submit to me in all aspects of bedroom/sexual devotion). Although they can be different roles in our play, being a babygirl does not disqualify you from also being a sub.

 

Part of your submission will be to understand and practice the concept of compersion. Personally, I have a difficult time expressing compersive feelings when I am not either in charge of, or at least somewhat responsible for the experiences you have. You may feel this to be hypocritical, and on the surface it is. But this sort of submission is what I am looking for and why I put it out there from the beginning so that that realization is understood and can be accepted.

 

Expectations:

I can offer you quite a bit of my time to provide an exciting and satisfying sexual and power exchange experience. I don't have the old guard sensibilities to be a "Master" to dominate you with strict disciplinary training, nor do I have a patience for handling an extreme brat by being a super coddling "Sugar Daddy."

 

I desire control over you in the sexual realm in all aspects: mentally, physically and emotionally, and I will work with you on expressing clearly your limitations. Likewise, I pledge to work within your communicated boundaries to the best of my ability to bring forth this goal.

 

You will need to be self-sufficient in your everyday activities and leave the bedroom activities to me!

 

My expectations are few, but I do hope we can support each other in times of need and distress. To me that is part of loving one another and is a shared responsibility that the hierarchy of our power exchange should have no bearing on.

 

BDSM is predominantly a sexual endeavor for me. Control of all aspects of your sexuality is what I most covet. This does not mean that I don't greatly appreciate service submission. It is just not a prerequisite. I am certainly open to exploring 24/7 D/s, but if I find it to be too confining to her individuality or creativity because too much control has been exerted outside of the sexual arena I will be more apt to apply leniency in that area first.

 

If I put you under consideration, this is the time we will interact and develop trust between us. After the "under consideration" phase, if we decide to continue into a deeper Dominant/submissive or Daddy/babygirl relationship, I will expect you to trust me to take more control.

 

Time, Commitment and Contact:

For me, kinky play can be very casual, but, as I previously mentioned, D/s relationships can, and often do, develop into loving relationships.

 

I expect the same time commitment from you as I am able to give to you. I desire daily interaction between us. It may not always be one-on-one, but we must be in contact either through phone calls, emails or texts.

 

Availability:

I intend for my D/s relationship to be the relationship I spend the most time on, but I will not ask of you for your time to be structured where it supersedes family and work obligations. As long as you are giving over sexual control and devotion to me, that is what I desire. The amount of time you are able to give me is less relevant than the percentage of time you are able to give me. What is the most relevant is the devotion you give me when we are together and the respect you afford me in the sexual realm when we are apart.

As for your availability to me, at a minimum, I would like an opportunity to see you at least twice a week. At a maximum, I am open to, and encouraging of, cohabitation.

 

I do not believe in online relationships. They do not allow enough room for the spontaneity I enjoy. Exceptions are made for casual or remote play. But that is what they are: play. I can do photo sharing, take on a "Protector" role, do remote domination or participate in remote "slutification," but be aware, anything transpiring online will, by default, not receive the same devotion and care as someone I am actually interacting with in person, and it will NOT be considered a "relationship."

 

Questions:

I am an open book (as you will soon learn as you read), so any questions you may have for me, my style or approach, I will answer honestly and forthright. I expect the same honesty and openness from you.

 

Age:

I was born in 1966, so for some things I have some mileage on me (music knowledge, sports, 20th century pop culture) and some things I am a novice.

I am often attracted physically to younger women, yet get along intellectually with women more my age, so as long as you are old enough to have a FetLife profile, you qualify!

 

Women 18 to 20 can't go to a lot of events I frequent, so you would have to be a real special exception (likely in an ageplay role) and definitely work within a polyamorous relationship model.

 

Physical Appearance:

I am what many clothiers would describe as “big and tall”: 6’3”, 250 lbs. I shave my head clean and have a white goatee. I have a pleasant smile and steel blue eyes. I am able to be strong and fearsome one minute and a sweet teddy bear the next.

 

I enjoy the beauty of all women, but a woman who takes care of herself emotionally and is physically fit (or working towards that goal) is my preference for what I have been known to find attractive. Since you will be desired by me, you must realize that I think you are attractive. I do not want a woman submitting sexually to me who does not deserve my sexual desires and my sexual desires include physical attraction. I want someone who wants to learn more ways to be sexy in my eyes. Oh, and I will inform you just how to do that!

 

While we are on the subject of looks, I also enjoy being able to look into my submissive's eyes. Therefore eye contact restrictions are a hard limit.

 

BDSM Philosophy:

Submission is a wonderful gift; therefore I do my best to cherish and not misuse it. That being said, I enjoy it so much it always seems like by accepting the gift at all, I am misusing it! Therefore, you always have the option to take back the gift of submission at any time.

 

I may have control, but you ultimately have the power. I have a dominant personality, but that doesn't mean I automatically am granted dominance over you.

 

Your submission must be something you enjoy doing for me. I do not want a person to submit to me who has not a passion for it. Therefore you must exhibit the aforementioned spirit of submission and make a conscious choice to submit to me. That choice that you make is all that enables the power to be shifted to me.

 

The more submission you show to me, the more dominance I will be comfortable exerting over you. I do not enjoy having to force my dominance. That can lead to unhealthy encounters.

 

I am what I call a "Service Dom" which means if it is within my scope of likes and fetishes, I want what you want. I just want it done my way.

 

Pushing Limits:

I will respect your hard limits by steering away from them but I do enjoy pushing boundaries under the following circumstances: 1) We have agreed upon pushing them. 2) I have sensed you desiring more of something that pushes close to one of your boundaries. 3) For the sake of my belief that it will help us in our partnership. I do not like to push limits simply for my enjoyment.

 

I strive to work well within your comfort zone and look at limits not as barriers but as guidelines and "out of bounds" markers to avoid. Therefore I like to push you harder in things you enjoy rather than pushing you dangerously close to a hard limit we've already established.

 

Safe Words:

In scene, I pledge to keep watch and monitor things carefully to ensure you are not being harmed either physically or emotionally. Safe words will always be in place as will check-ins. But (at least initially) we won't rely on safe words, instead we'll use real words. Until /unless we discover you want to be pushed past your pain threshold, "ouch!" will always be treated as "yellow" and "stop!" will mean "red." In some scenes I will use a system of color codes (red/yellow/green) and numbers (1-10) to learn your pain and tolerance thresholds.

 

Aftercare:

After a scene I promise to check in to see that you are physically and emotionally stable and provide adequate aftercare. I also like to not only check in the next day but make sure our open communication is unimpeded for the next several days, especially following a hard or emotionally trying scene. I also need to engage in aftercare myself as a Dom.

 

Gender/Kink Identity:

I am a biological, physiological and psychological dominant male, with a desire for control and a Daddy/babygirl fetish. I label myself straight but am not uncomfortable around pansexual activities or behavior and find feminine energy most enjoyable. Sexually I am pretty content to focus my affections on biological, physiological and psychological females or at least very feminine people (but will flirt with most everybody).

 

If you are a heterosexual, bisexual or pansexual cis-gendered female who knows how to be submissive to me, you qualify! I don't rule out anyone (regardless of gender identity or power exchange philosophy) for play or to be in service to me, but for a D/s relationship I am more specific.

 

I don’t require what some may call a “true submissive” either. If you submit to me then you are a “true submissive” by my standards! And my standards are the only standards you need to aspire to.

 

The following only applies to someone wishing to submit to me who is a switch. First of all, you will be allowed to Top as many people as I deem appropriate, but all of your submission belongs to me. The scenes you have with those who bottom for you must be sanctioned by me. I do not desire control over what you do in your topping scenes (unless we all want that), but I do want the respect of being made aware of who you are involved with, as well as endorsing and approving them and obviously practicing agreed upon safer sex methods.

 

BDSM Playstyle/Including Others:

Any woman who submits to me must allow me to control her in all things sexual, and I will not disappoint. You must enjoy experimentation and exhibit sexual passion.

 

Sadomasochism is not a necessity, but can help fulfill my sadistic desires.

I am an exhibitionist and ideally want a submissive with those same tendencies, but that also is not a deal breaker.

 

I am also a novice erotic photographer, and will prefer you to be my primary model, but I also understand people's life choices regarding family, job, etc. As well as the stigma society places on an individual can get in the way of that.

 

Being insatiably sexual or slutty is also not a requirement, but that mindset can add a lot to our excitement. Therefore if it does pleasure you to be promiscuous, I am more than capable and willing to have you participate in slutty behavior for my enjoyment. I do enjoy sharing very much, providing I am the one making the decision of how to share you.

 

While leading your sexual journey you will be encouraged, under my discretion, to explore all elements of your sexuality. If you develop a curiosity, this may include some aspects of dominance, service-topping, co-topping, and switching. When we are together, I prefer it to be under my direction. When we are apart, the rules in the section above regarding gender and kink identity, will apply.

 

I do very little bottoming, and when I do it is very light, resembling something more like vanilla sex than bottoming. I do not wish to bottom to anyone who submits to me and prefer to keep any of my bottoming activities clandestine. Not that I want to keep any secrets, I have just found that it is not beneficial to our D/s dynamic for my submissive to witness Daddy "bottoming".

 

If you were in a relationship where you were the Top or Domme prior to your decision to submit to me, you may continue in those relationships without my involvement. As your Daddy Dom, your dominance towards others is your business, but I want any submission you display to be utilized for my benefit.

If you are bisexual or pansexual, additional female partners, either dominant, switch or submissive, may be included into our lovemaking/scening.

 

If you are heterosexual, you must be comfortable servicing me alongside other straight and bisexual submissive and vanilla women.

Depending on our dynamic, I may enjoy involving other sexual partners of male and transsexual genders for your benefit too. This will be done in my presence and with my involvement.

 

Your feelings as well as our agreed upon hard limits will always be respected regarding choices of additional play partners for both of us, but as always, I will have ultimate say.

 

Scene Philosophy:

I am a reaction junkie, which means I enjoy a sensation slut who reacts and is responsive in a scene: yelling, crying, laughing, squirming, screaming-- don’t be afraid to show your emotions! And do not be afraid to vocalize too. This is yet another level of communication that I desire. If you expect me to “read you” then you better make sure the words are expressed clearly in the novel!

 

I need a woman who is not afraid to give me ultimate control after expressing her boundaries clearly. I am not one to rely on intuition until after our play has progressed. To think otherwise would be very presumptuous.

I expect you to submit your body to me, therefore you should always be a rag doll in my hands both physically and in your mindset until I instruct you otherwise. Then I may instruct you to fight me, struggle or attempt to escape.

 

Autonomy:

Even though I get off on control, I get off more in providing opportunities for controlling what you want! Therefore I will not often tell you to masturbate or push a limit we have not already discussed together. If you’re horny or feel the urge to do something naughty, then ask me! I relish the thought, will take complete control of the matter and might push you to a new exciting level.

 

The same goes for decisions. Never ask me "Which dress should I wear, Daddy-" without following that with options: "the red one or the blue one?"

 

Responsibility:

Yes, as your Dom, I will make mistakes! This likely is not the sort of "promise" you will be overjoyed to hear. But my promise to take responsibility for my mistakes and do what is needed to make amends to correct them, hopefully will override my propensity for failure.

 

I expect the same from you. I am a very forgiving person providing responsibility and repentance are displayed.

 

Protection:

I promise to watch over and protect you physically and emotionally to the best of my ability. This does not mean I will micromanage your entire life.

 

As for protecting your individuality, I will defend all of your choices, actions and decisions providing you have conveyed your reasons clearly. Contrary to popular belief, I am okay with you having dissenting views from mine. But I do not blindly throw my support behind anyone or anything. I also am adamant about defending the reasons behind the things I do and communicate clearly.

 

Providing:

I pledge to learn your desires and needs and will determine how to ration those desires and needs as I see fit.

 

Crises:

When you experience a personal tragedy or emotional crisis, I will be there to comfort and help support you. Likewise, I want you to do the same for me.

 

Self Esteem:

Your self-esteem is not my responsibility. If you are a broken person needing "fixing", I am not the Daddy for you. Now we all have issues, and we all are broken a little someplace. But a broken person doesn't need me to fix her, she needs simply a comfortable environment for her own healing and renewal to happen.

 

Maybe I can provide that environment for someone. Maybe not. I am a pretty complex and amazing person. But I do not aspire to compromise myself to become anyone's environment.

 

If you need to change something or some situation, you need to change that on your own, not for me.

 

You are not a seed. You are already a plant. You may be a sapling (afterall I am a Daddy Dom so you might identify as a babygirl) but you are well on your way to being who you are. If you cannot grow in the fertile soil I have laid down already, no amount of fertilizer or watering by me is going to change you.

 

I will let you in on a little secret: my confidence is directly related to how my submissive respects and admires me. Women crave a confident man, and I am quite confident, but it is directly within your power to bring this out and maintain this throughout the power exchange.

 

Promote Positive Emotions:

I pledge to uplift you, while at the same time I pledge to control my negative emotions. Negative emotions can lead to anger, and to punish you in anger or to lash out to you is tantamount to abuse.

 

Punishment and Discipline:

I don't generally "punish" in the traditional way. Sure, I may spank you and beat you, but it won't be for disciplinary reasons unless that is a kink we develop or a request you make. I do beatings for the sadomasochism element.

 

I do not hit out of anger.

 

I desire control and thus my modus operandi is to train and teach you how to behave for our mutual pleasure. I don’t choose a submissive who does not want to obey me, and am most displeased by issues involving disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect. If I feel you have been less than honest or disrespectful to me then we will have issues to deal with. Quite often we will arrive at an appropriate course of re-training together.

 

D/s relationships with me require your obedience. So if I feel you are not able to obey me, there are unfortunate consequences to that, up to and including dismissal from your duty as my submissive!

 

Protocol:

I have some procedural “rules” such as allowing me to fasten your seat belt when we get into the car together, and putting on, removing, lacing and tying my shoes, but by and large, I have very few protocols.

 

I am not opposed to setting more protocols and/or rituals if we discover it to be a fetish for the both of us, but it is not an overwhelming desire for me.

 

Honesty in Relationships:

I promise to be honest and I expect honesty from you. All good relationships require this, regardless of any D/s element. Honesty includes me giving you full disclosure of all sexual partners I play with. I will not get your "permission" or withhold my play, but I will take into account your feelings and expect valid reasons behind any dissenting opinions you may have.

 

If we agree that I will allow you to proceed in other romantic relationships or if you are already in a relationship when you first decide to submit to me, it is imperative that that person not only fully understand you are involved in a polyamorous D/s relationship with me, but they must be encouraging of that too. Full disclosure to your other partner(s) is essential.

 

I have had a vasectomy and get tested at least twice a year. I want to be fluid bonded with my partner. When that occurs, all of your other play partners must be tested and locked in a fluid bonded relationship with you also, or you will not be allowed to have fluid bonded sexual relations with them.

 

Hygiene:

I will be clean and presentable when I meet you for playtime. I shower at least once daily (and always after a BM), keep my face and head shaved, beard trimmed, teeth brushed, and wear antiperspirant and sometimes splash on some cologne.

 

A woman who submits to me must be clean and presentable too. I love sexy, revealing and accessible clothing on a woman.

 

if you are inclined to have body odor (or I tell you I smell it), please wear deodorant or antiperspirant or even a hint of perfume or body spray.

I want fresh clean breath too!

 

You need to be prepared for anal play as well as cunnilingus and therefore must shower and clean very well prior to engaging with me.

 

Humor:

A sense of humor is a requirement. I don't expect you to be as clever as I am, but you must know when and how to laugh. I utilize a lot of humor and witticism in my play style and desire someone who can enjoy along with me the fun and uplifting nature of comedy and sarcasm.

 

Showing Respect:

I strive to be a respectable gentleman in the public arena despite my misjudged reputation, abrasive persona and stubbornness regarding change. I will also strive to not be impolite or rude to others.

 

In public you must show me the respect to not interrupt me when I am conversing with others: this means answering a question I have asked someone else. I will not (unless we discover it to be a kink) place speech restrictions on you.

 

I am probably one of the most flirtatious people you will ever meet. So I have no issue with you flirting or being attracted to others. In fact I may encourage it. What I do insist on, is that I be in control of how that attraction and those flirtations are manifested.

 

Spirituality:

As long as it is a warm feeling within, I can totally comprehend and even endorse many different spiritual concepts. If you “see god” or “become a goddess” when you enter subspace, I am overjoyed! Hell, the entire Daddy Ouranos Myth is based on such a premise!

 

But I am an atheist hedonist, so when ancient deities, rituals other people have proclaimed “the only way” and faith-based “morals” based on religious texts, begin to interfere with our relationship, it becomes more than problematic.

 

I get great pleasure in pleasure, and for some, a relationship with what they feel is a higher power may accomplish that for them. It doesn't for me. For me, the D/s relationship is the higher power and is what should be given the devotion.

 

Certain techniques born from pseudo-religiosity like yoga, Kama Sutra, Astrology, Tantra or other altered mind-body states intrigue me, and thus I encourage practice of as long as you are smart enough to separate the fact from the fiction.

 

Drugs, Alcohol and Cigarettes:

I don't condone illegal drug use, drunkenness or cigarette smoking.

 

I do not do impact play while either of us is impaired.

 

I do not do any non-prescription drugs and only drink on rare occasions.

 

Cigarettes are not allowed in my presence and I strongly discourage their use. If you can't be disciplined over a simple non-essential thing like cigarettes then how can you expect me to discipline you? It goes back to hygiene too; cigarettes stink!

 

Cloves I can handle in small doses, but must be smoked extremely rarely.

The E-Cigarette (water vapor, 'vape') is a fine replacement for cigarette smoking and I highly encourage its use. In fact I slightly fetishize it. I sometimes smoke the E-Hookah myself!

 

Other Interests:

In addition to BDSM, I enjoy watching and following football and playing fantasy sports is my nerdy vice. I am not into wizards, spacemen, stargazing, vampires or dragons, so with the exception of fantasy sports, I don’t do a lot of extended role play outside of whatever role play our D/s relationship takes on.

 

I prefer my fantasies to be played out in the bedroom, dungeon, sex club or other naughty place...not on a movie screen, video game or renaissance faire.

 

Other vanilla interests include music, movies, thrift store shopping, adult store shopping, karaoke, fine arts, photography, dancing, theater, poetry and hours surfing the Internet.

 

For those things I find time to do on my own, but if inclined, we can certainly share in those together.

 

Disclaimer:

These promises are conditional on your continued submission to me and respect for our D/s relationship.

 

This outline is based on my vision of what an ideal D/s partnership would resemble and is solely from my perspective. I am open to revision and/or line-item vetoes of certain things if it is found to enrich the relationship or cross a hard limit.

 

I am also interested in knowing what expectations you have for your "ideal" Dom and seeing how well I may fulfill them. Chances are, neither of us will meet one another's expectations completely, but it doesn't hurt to have the benchmark set.

 

Once again, these rules are an outline for women submitting sexually to me. If you are interested in bottoming to me, servicing me in other ways or developing a different sort of kinky relationship, these rules are not applicable.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

first published in 2009 (updated and revised many times) 

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Young love

Folder: 
Love things

Young love where you at? 

 You need to break free, spread your wings and fly away

 Young love where you at?

I can see you hurt

Tears on your eyes dripping down, they tell a sad story

Young love where you at?

 I can see your heart bleeding the pain that you feel, the emotion that evaded your space and never left

Young love where you at

I can feel you heartbeat fading away

Young love where you at

All this love turned too sour for ones thoughts to taste, believed all the lies they fed you, I can see your dreams slowly been taken away from you, your to scared to move from where you are, scared to lose it all, but what's there to lose? When you really gained nothing from all of this?

 Young love where you at?

 Just spread your wings and never look back, be free from all this drama, for better or worse just fly free just fly free

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just a guy who likes writting so yah some things may not make sense to you here so don't be to harsh on me

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