What is it about this,
that you don't get?
Why do you stand there, clueless,
to my pain?
Do I need to be writing on the floor,
in this utter agony,
or have a 'visable' deformity
or handicap, for you to 'see'?
Does my suffering
have to effect YOU in some way,
before it becomes important enough,
to even try and understand?
Do I need 'LUPUS'
stamped across my forehead,
or blinking off my person,
in a purple neon sign?
Will my death be the only clue,
that makes you stand back and think,
"Wow, I guess she really was,
THAT sick."
What do you think the flower would say to this world
When its wilting to its last leaf
"This world was never to my expectations anyway"
How such beauty fades as soon as it exists
A creation emerging into phsyical presence
Eventually turns to dust and returns to this ground we walk on
What anguish would you feel
If you were to place fingertips upon a matter
The burning sensation that manifests under contact
Such throbbing remorse that dwells for mankind
Solemn, but silent. I stand smiling.
How can you know which way to be
At such mockery the hourglass teases
When all comfort of those trusted
Follow closely to the footsteps out the door
Define this feeling of lonely
Vast seas churn violently
Screaming out the truth many people do not hear
Such deafness, a gift noone should be proud to have
Children growing up into children
Whos words and actions destruct
How can you celebrate pride
That emits from those who use it wrongly
Lies upon lies of default dreams we yearn for
Built by the hands of our ancestor
Such guilt that hides behind every heart
I have so much more to give
My heart, my soul, this container of my being
Heave all troubles upon me
Allow time for these hands to mend what's been torn
A plea, the value for this lifetime
I shall not go until my work has been done
Distance cries that wash away in tides of ignorance
Outstretched, and in desperation
How does one express the importance of another
When shall the time come for them to turn around
Reunite, be together through the eye of storms
What can our ears listen to
If placed against a heart
Pass the pounding and thumping
Beyond the pulse
The music that plays our purpose
As a rock falls off the ledge and plunges within the deep sea
Fate to be in uncertainty
i'm sick of being sick.
i'm just sick of it.
sickness hits me all the time.
sickness never quits!
i'm sick of always being sick!
forever always ill.
i'm sick of all the medicine!
every liquid, every pill!
i'm sick of being sick.
a new ailment all the time.
this sickness makes me sicker!
its starting to infect my mind.
so i'm so sick of being sick,
and i don't know what to do.
i'm so sick of this sickness,
i want to start anew.
Please tell me who you are
I know your face
But I just can’t remeber
Who you are
By the way
Can you tell me
Who I am
I have forgotten
I just can’t seem
To remember
Much these days
Doc. keeps saying
I’m forgetting
Everything slowly
So could you please
Sit with me awhile
And tell me about
Yourself
And about the things
I can’t remember
About me.
everytime they say, "oh no.."
i feel as if i could cry.
what is wrong with me?
why am i not like the rest?
so many things are wrong with me,
so many diseases and disorders.
sometimes i hate living.
why can't i be the best?
they thought my mom abused me,
now they think i abuse myself.
i just want it all to stop.
why can't i pass this test?
they tell me i'm bipolar,
but i don't know what that is.
i'm struggling just to live day to day.
why am i hell's guest?
i have add and bad,
dr's tell me i have no attention span.
all i want is to learn like the others.
why is my body being a mess?
my body doesn't function right,
it rejects itself.
cells kill off each other right and left.
why can't more be less?
a simple pain in my heart,
becomes some aweful disease.
am i the only one scared here?
why can't this just be surpressed?
my diseases and disorders,
they have taken over my life.
this pity-party is long over due.
why can't i be like the rest?
Hey there you-
We meet again.
Yup,
looks like I've really got ya now, huh?
And what can you do about it?
NOTHING!
*giggle*
Ahhhh...
I love this game
when I have such an easy target
as you, my dear.
My little pawn,
watch where I move you
THIS TIME!
Come on puppet,
dance for me!
Beg me to stop.
PLEAD!
I wanna hear you beg!
"Oh please, please
big bad wolfie,
I beg of you-
won't you please, please
let me be?"
*HA!*
You hear me laugh
in my mirth?
You are nothing-
simply my vessel,
my portal,
my entryway to life!
Beg all you want,
missy-
my ears hear not your cries.
I care not for your sorrow.
*smirk*
Nah,
I LIVE FOR THIS,
you...
you...
WEAKLING!!!
*titter*
Now its MY turn!
Hey...
You got careless,
looked away-
or maybe it was just
that I saw my opportunity...
and TOOK IT!
You should know better
than to turn your back
on ME!
*tsk, tsk*
Are those tears
in your sad little eyes?
Oh, come now...let me reach out
and wipe them away for you-
here...
*SMACK!!!!*
*snicker*
Oh, what fun!!!
What utter delight!!!
Hit them when they're down,
I always say!!
*sniggle*
Yeah,
this is gonna be fun, huh?
You and meeeee...
pards, buds, pals-
FOR LIFE, right!?
Or... *tee,hee* ...
in your case,
possibly DEATH!!!
*chortle!*
Come oooonnnn...
why look so down???
You knew I'd be back.
I never really left anyways.
I KNOW you felt me
-kick you-
every now and then!
I SAW you flinch
every time!
*guffaw*
Yeah,
I'm sadistic, I know.
That's what makes me tick.
So now come on,
chin up, girl!!
How bad can it possibly get?
Oh, wait...never mind,
forget I said that...
my problem is that i'm different.
my problem is that you're all the same.
my problem is that i suffer.
my problem is that i don't want to play with game.
my problem comes in two sizes.
my problem isn't small.
my problem is that i'm sensitive.
my problem is that i have a problem at all.
my problem is that i'm angry.
my problem is that i'm sad.
my problem is that it always changes.
my problem is that i'm glad.
my problem is that i take meds.
my problem is that i hurt.
my problem kills me quietly.
my problem is that i feel low as dirt.
my problem is that i'm wise.
my problem is so real.
my problem is that i'm crying.
my problem is that i feel.
my problem has me not sleeping.
my problem stops me when i eat.
my problem laughs at me always.
my problem is on repeat.
my problem is gonna kill me.
my problem has me in a corner.
my problem is a problem in itself.
my problem is Bipolar Disorder.
Don't be sad,
Don't be affraid.
there will be no pain,
so please don't feel ashamed.
You have done everthing for me,
and never failed me once.
So with the setting of the sun,
I know my time has come.
please wipe away your tears.
for I'm off to a better place.
I have only one regret,
and that is I'll no longer see your face.
you sheltered me long enough,
from times when they got rough.
but this is something you can't sheld me from,
because my time has come.
So as I draw my final breath,
and say my last I love you.
I see you watch as the sky goes,
with the setting of the sun.
please don't look on in panic,
for my time has finally come.
Sitting on my window sill
There I stood thinking of Bill
The day I saw him on a hill
And I knew he was my only will
We talked and he told me he was ill
I asked when and he told me when he was lil’
He was sad and he had not much left till’
The curse inside of him finally kills.
In a sudden he dropped and through him ran chills
I laid him on my lap and asked for his pill
“Of them,” he told me he had a mill
“For me surviving is none to nil”
My eyes full of tears began to fill
Because there I was rocking dying Bill.