breakups

The Rose Bush

A beautiful rose bush
Grew in my garden once
But as time passed,
And as the years wore on,
It began to grow decrepit.

It’s stems grew brown and brittle,
Few buds on it grew.
At the end of that next summer
I knew it had to go.

I began to cut it’s branches
But one at a time.
Those brittle branches did resist,
Their thorns drew at my blood,
As I labored away,
The branches fell one by one.

And as I cut, I inevitably
Found a living sprig or two.
It pained me most
To cut these down.
The last reminders of
What beauty the plant once held.
The thorns cut and punctured my skin
And the pain began to mount.

I wanted to stop cutting,
But I knew the plant was dead.
And even as the last branch fell,
The plant still had it’s root.
It was thick with years of growing.
But I knew I had to dig it out.

At this part I worked the hardest,
And I began to sweat.
The roots would not give way,
So deeply buried in the soil.
But I labored persistently,
For I knew it had to be done.
And when the roots finally did give way,
I heaved an awful sigh.
My garden, ridded of the rose bush,
Was left with but a gaping hole.

All that was left was to hope.
To hope that one day,
I should be so lucky
As to have a rosebush more beautiful grow
In that garden, to fill the hole.

And for luck not only did I pray,
But for the wisdom to care for it,
To never let the new rose bush
Be harmed and wither away.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I broke up with a girlfriend who was very close to me the recently, and today I had to cut down a rose bush. As I cut, I thought of all the similarities; The beauty decaying, the resistance to ending it all, the sprigs of life that cause you to second guess yourself, and the difficulty of detaching yourself to make room for something new.

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What I Meant

Folder: 
2004

The skies clouded up

And it started to rain

First came the hurt

And then came the pain

 

Chorus

I never meant to hurt you

I never meant to make you cry

I only meant to love you

I only meant to make you smile

 

I took all your trust

And I broke it in two

I threw out a love

Only known by a few

 

Bridge

I never meant to hurt you

I never meant to see you leave

I only meant to love you

I only meant to see you with me

 

Falling all around us

Down poured the rain

And we both felt the stab

Of a broken hearts pain

 

Chorus

 

Now you’ve packed up and gone

Took all your things

You left me the house

And took back your ring

 

Bridge

 

~Chrystal Swallows

Written on

February 29, 2004

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Thi one was written while I was with Steve. It didn't mean anything, just me writing.

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Losing The Game

Folder: 
2004

I’ll get over you

I know I can

My feelings for you

Have begun to wan

 

I never loved you

Now I know this

It was never true

It was hardly bliss

 

A spell was cast

On my heart and mind

It wasn’t meant to last

Of this I was to find

 

You really used me

Just to get your way

One day you’ll see

You’ll have to pay

 

Not in rubies or gems

You must pay with heart

A cheater never wins

With a queen of hearts

 

~Chrystal Swallows

Written on

January 5, 2004

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written about Steve. Warning him to be careful.

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Thank You

Folder: 
Me

 

I’d like to take this time to thank you from the bottom of my heart

I realized just how spectacular I am now that we’re apart

Thanks for cheating on me and treating me like shit

As it turns out I was in desperate need of it

The spit in my face was perfect to top it all off

Now, YOU turn your head, bitch…AND cough

 

I got you by the balls, while you’re crawling on your hands and knees

Begging for a second chance, whining, “Baby please”

You don’t need to be on all fours anymore

You proved you were a dog when you fucked that fucking whore

 

Thank you for the life lessons I really learned a lot

Most importantly I learned you never owned my heart

You made it so easy for me to walk away

In fact, I couldn’t think of one reason I should stay

 

SO I didn’t, I left and never will return

See to me trust is something you must earn

You broke mine, destroyed it, shattered it like glass

All so you could get a meaningless piece of ass

 

You raw dogged a slut

And I’m supposed to what

Ummm take you back???

What the fuck, seriously are you smoking crack??

 

Funny how things work out sometimes, bitter-sweet  when they end

Oh by the way…LOVED loved how you had the audacity to ask if we could still be friends

You are pathetic, weak, and cannot be trusted

No we can't be friends I'm fucking disgusted

FUCK OFF

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A little vent after a soiled 3 and a half year relationship.

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"Before My Poem Clicks to a Stop"

by Jeph Johnson

 

mere hours ago,
before 8 pm Friday
(the day we always peak or valley)
I may have wasted
two months
of respect away,

then somehow
sobered enough at midnight
to pull my computer keyboard
though the raw emptiness...

my phone's on the floor
and I'm shivering in my chair

she forgot
to turn on my heater
before she drove away
and in my mind
I'm still huddled around her ankles
as I look down at my own
faded pair of blue jeans

that's what happens
after trying out a new shot glass
nine times in 13 minutes

I think I asked her
while the room was spinning
in my audacity
if she'd apologize
or accept mine

either way
from what I can recall
through the haze
she promised on a post-it
she'd see me again

but I'm frantically,
with tears rolling down my cheeks,
searching my blurry surroundings for it

I believe tonight,
it's buried too far beneath
my blithering idiocy

so I give up looking
to clean some of the
cranberry juice mess

I then press play
on my cassette player
and on the tape
she made for me
a sentiment screams out
in her favorite song:

      "let's not get too serious,
     just try to stay predictable"

I remember I called her back
before I slept and sobered up
threatening
to further my forgetfulness
by going out to the bar

I hoped that
that way
I was not too seriously
being predictable enough

but she was mad
pissed off’s
how she put it

to her
I was acting like a baby
(not even a child!)

(she always
exaggerates
when it comes to age)

...and she had to
remind me mine...

like I somehow
magically grew up
now that she's in my life!

that's why my telephone
is on the floor
and I never made it to the bar
and I'm lying here colder
than my half-full numbing
plastic cup of vodka-cran
(no, not "half-empty")
for
(in my optimistic
over-analyzing)
tonight I've discovered,
if nothing more:
one of the least-appropriate
ways to deal with
unrequited desire

her tape is set to play
forever on auto-reverse
but luckily it croons my sentiment
in another song right before
my poem clicks to a stop:

      "said somethin' I did not mean to say...
     said somethin' I did not mean to say...
     I said something I did not mean to say...
     it all came out the wrong way
     come back to me
     come back to me
     oh baby, please come back to me" 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2002 (additional words from the songs "Kickin'" by Whale and "Love Letter" by Nick Cave

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