Addiction

Diseased (Demon Part I)

It infects me still

Raging through my blood

Controlling my mind

My body



It started so simply

As a common cold

Then it became the flu

Now. . .



It burns within me

Twisting, destroying

As it takes over me



Then it releases me for a moment . . .



I look around

I see for the first time

The damage it has done



And I weep . . .



For I am diseased



Diseased . . .

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Reading "Battle" and "My Personal Demon" might help this make sense . . . then again, it might not.

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My Personal Demon (Demon Part III)

It looks beautiful

From so up and close

That's how it works

A wolf in sheep's clothes



I fell for it again

Same way as before

The illusion controlled me

And destroyed me once more





It's singing again

"Let me free"

It's pleading again

"Set me free"

It's demanding again

"RELEASE ME!"

On it's knees again

"Will you free me?"





I see it's true face now

It can no longer hide

Here for so long now

No more to abide



No more illusions

No more sheep skin

No more diguising

The fire within





It's singing again

"Let me free"

It's pleading again

"Set me free"

It's demanding again

"RELEASE ME!"

On it's knees again

"Will you free me?"



You've ashamed me so much

Why should I let you free?

You've destroyed all I've loved

I will not set you free!

You're not master of me

And you will never be

I've had enough

You will never be free!





It's face twisted with rage

As my face it sees

Showing no fear

For I hold the keys





It's singing again

"Let me free"

It's pleading again

"Set me free"

It's demanding again

"RELEASE ME!"

On it's knees again

"Will you free me?"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Personally, I think this poem turned out more like a song, but there's no way I could ever get a tune right for it. Read "Diseased" and "Battle", and it might make more sense

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Empty Stomach

I am hungry

for your love

sweet but hard to pry open

similar to a coconut

self consciousness of my own holds me back

temptation to taste you, urges run through my spine

feeling vivid tingles

travelling to the end of my fingertips



Through the eyes of a keen black cat

you appear as a mouse

the helpless prey

like strawberries dipped in chocolate

you are smooth and rich



Like liquid

flow into me and fill up all the emptiness

and heal every hole that is in my heart

you are my source

to survive



like water to keep every living breathing thing alive

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His Mistress

Pretty computer,

   I'm sleeping alone again tonight.

Does my kitten get tired too?

   I bet she does.

My love's mistress,

She can go all night.

Some of us exhaust however.

Some of us must support more than our share.

Does he care that she'll never return

his devotion and love?

Probably not...

Will I have to walk away

before he feels me slipping?

Wandering, looking ot fill this

hole

that shouldn't be there...

Maybe he feels she is more

deserving of his love,

affection,

time,

devotion...

Maybe mine isn't good enough,

She certainly is

nice

pretty,

cold,

the perfect escape.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Believe me, this hurt me in so many ways...he might as well have been having sex with someone else.

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i can't fix you

it started again

and i'm confused

because i want to fix you

and i can't

i'm not made for that

i can't do for you

what i need to

maybe I ignored the signs

maybe we were just delaying the inevitable

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Poor Monica

Monica was smart, and was a girl so innocent,

until she got caught up with the wrong crowd.

She began to do these horrible things

which her mother had never allowed.

She smoked alot of marijuana everyday,

and sometimes she liked to snort the "powder."

Suddenly she became a completely different person

as her mind was becoming much cloudier.

Letting men abuse her body, and crush her soul,

in certain ways in which no female should.

People would ask why she degrades herself.

Her answer was, "Because it feels good!"

The truth of the matter was simple...Addiction!

But she was too nieve to see the truth.

I remember the day she became a stripper,

and started having sex in the booths.

I use to look in her eyes and see a special person,

but now I see a sad, lost soul.

I remember she wanted to become a lawyer,

but the sex and drugs she could not control.

Then one day she awoke to discover

she was pregnant, but didn't know by whome.

No more "mothers" help because she past away,

from sadness is what I assume.

To think, she use to be a wonderful person

who went to school, and achieved excellent grades.

Now she's lost with a child, has a bad ADDICTION,

and sadly poor Monica has A.I.D.S.

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the one to look out for





The one to look out for.



For a while there I was a dope fiend

a magician of sorts

turning all cash into drugs

loved ones into fools

and the rest of you into pigeons

suckers to be talked out of cash

for services never rendered

promises always broken

deliveries never made.



For a while there I was the one

that forced you to learn

how to hold pocket books

under arms tight against body

not ride subways

walk into dark hallways alone.



For a wile there I was the nightmare

that made the Big Apple the Rotten Apple

the reason for Mom and Dad’s

flight to the suburbs.



Then I found Jesus

and the shit really hit the fan!

For a while there I was the one

you had to look out for.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

cause everything fell into place

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Earthground Shakefly Dream

Now and a blue then the sky over my head

Shows me a sparkle fire full vision instaid

Of a blue pen paint illusion inconsiderate skys

Falls me to knees colored scuff green sliding sighs

Rough temperate sounding collusion deliberate collision

A rendered soft celluloid smile a considerate decision



The faster we fall into firm flame and real

The faster our stand in the wide dreaming field

The feathers that land us in our own beadsteads

The feathers have mind to see who blood reds



Now and a blue then the ground under my feet

Harrows me growls mires in shuddering heat

With a mighty thundering amused cradling earth

Falls me to knees colored rough blue flying birth

Rough tempura colored inclusion an ultimate incision

A rapid soil granuloid smile deep yawn cataclysm

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Brave

Alas I call upon your heart,

To 'ear a tale that I came upon,

About a lad with a generous start,

But continues gamble his way undone.



He goes to the venue full of cheer,

With a healthy wad inside his vest,

And returns forlorn with his cheek a tear,

With 'firm resolve and deep regret.



His fortune does not come too ready,

And what little he ekes from his life,

Does all too soon make him quite heady,

And heading uptown for more taste of strife.



It began one day from a pleasant stroll,

By the river after a happy outing,

Where he went into a bar to escape the cold,

And the thought of a drop had him pouting.



He had sat himself down before the bar,

And ordered himself a refreshing beer,

And asked of the barmaid "What's that over thar?"

And was told it was the new gambling machieen.



Well he'd never really had much of a punt,

But thought he'd be right to give it a go.

It looked a pretty harmless stunt,

As he viewed other players already in tow.



So he opened his wallet and pulled out a ten,

Got some coins from the cashier and sat in front,

Of the first poker machine he had meant,

And wondered if he'd be lucky or not.



Well he dropped the coins in and pressed the button,

The pictures rolled round to a whirr and a click,

He quickly found it doin' nothin',

And deep in his bowels he new this weren't the trick.



But then with a push and consequent spin,

Music played, lights flashed and people turned heads,

He had just had his very first big win,

And collected one hundred dollars with a fifty cent bet.



Now if had known that this was the end,

Of being ahead with the poker machine,

He'd have the good sense not to go there again,

And would have finished his gambling quite happily.



But instead he goes there time after time,

Trying to relive that beginner's luck,

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Yes, idiocy doesn't make me brave.

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