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My Future Wedding Vows

Clark Steven Lupton

September 30, 2005



For this wedding this I vow

To make our marriage last somehow

For richer or poorer, in sickness and health

When I come in very late I’ll be sure to use stealth



I’ll always fix the cabinets and the door knob

I’ll fix everything else because I won’t be looking for a job

I thought you’d be my wife ever since our first meeting

But in this day and age marriage is just fleeting



Even though we’ve had good times and have often got to laugh

I keep in mind the ratio for divorced couples is a little more than half

So in sickness and health and in good and bad weather

There’s over a fifty percent chance that we won't stay together



I’ll always listen, I’ll do my part

I’ll even leave the room when I fart

I’ll be gentle - I won’t hit you when we fight

I’ll even behave myself when I’ll come home drunk every night



For our dinner that you cooked I won’t be late

Because that’s the reason I’ll be gaining lots of weight

As a wife I know you’ll be the best

So I won’t interrupt your cleaning as I lay on the couch to rest



I will treat you gently because you’re the one with the boobs

And I hope you won’t get annoyed when I squeeze the middle of the toothpastes tubes

And when we have kids that’s a joy you can always keep

You’ll remember how you’ll change their diapers while I soundly sleep



And if ever a future daughter lets the first boy alone inside our house

I’ll make sure that the boy will become her spouse

And I will always love you this is true

Because all my life I’ll be living off of you