My strife filled life

Maybe someday I’ll find the person I’m meant to be

That there’s truly a purpose in life

But for now I’m just trying to live day by day

Through all of this nonsense and strife

I wish that my friends could all see

How the problems and issues and things that they do

Don’t affect only them, also me

Through boyfriends and girlfriends and stupid high school

I’m the one who must remain collected and cool

They tell me their problems

I give them advice

I’m the one with the answers solutions and nice

Things to say about everyone despite my true thoughts

Sometimes their problems tie my heart up in knots.

They need me to be

Strong, understanding me

But I need the same thing from somebody else

But no one is there

So I make my feelings disappear

I don’t share my problems with the friends who share theirs

I probably could but not one of them cares

I wish I could trust them the way they trust me

But I’ve been used and mistreated too often you see

So regardless of trust, love, and belief

I have all this sadness, depression, and grief

These feelings I do so well to hide

They are bottled up and growing inside

I wish I could find a way to get it all out

But I think if I start I think I’ll become like a spout

I’ll cry and cry and no words will be said

But I wish I had someone to hear with their heart not their head

I wish I could tell everyone the way that I feel

That I do have feelings and they are SO real

But instead I live with a faked happy smile

And pretend that I feel like my life is worthwhile

But I often wonder how it would be

If something terrible happened to me

Would anyone notice?

Would anyone care?

Would it only be cause there was an empty chair?

Would anyone feel like something was wrong?

Would anyone notice if I was just gone?

Would they go out looking for me?

Or would they just be upset that the house wasn’t clean?

Or they had no one to talk to when people were mean? 

There are days when I wish I could just go back home

To the people who call me one of their own

Ever since moving I’ve had no real connection

No new friends to share love and affection

But I know if I go back

Everyone would be so used to not having me there

That they would forget about me or just really not care

They have already replaced me

It’s easy to see

They hang out with new friends but I don’t have any

It makes me so sad cause I used to have many

My parents and siblings just don’t understand

There are only two people who do

But they are so busy I don’t see them much but when I do

They just have to say

Three little words

To make everything okay

When they say “I love you”

And hold me so tight

It’s the only thing in this crazy world that feels right

Hugs, kisses, love and understanding are the things that I need

They sink into my heart and they grow like a seed

They grow and they bloom till my heart overflows

With love, understanding, and caring that shows

But sometimes even those hugs, kisses, and love

Cannot lift the dark rain cloud that looms up above

Some days there is nothing that anyone can do

To lift my spirits when I’m feeling blue

I put on a good face and make people think that I’m great

But inside my heart is breaking like a porcelain plate 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my first poem. I wrote it because I recently moved from a place that I live for eleven years. I have become depressed and began questioning what the point of life is. I know it's not that great and it probably sounds like rambling. But it is what is on my heart and I had to find a way to get it out. And the way my heart found was poetry.

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Wandering_Soul85's picture

Hi  I can understand where


I can understand where you are coming from in this poem. I can relate to it and I've have those feelings whihc you have writen about to wonderfully.

Can't wait to read some more of your work.

I'm mature enough to forgive you, But not dumb enough to trust you.