Sneezes

by Jeph Johnson

 

Why is it when I'm at the coffee shop seeking attention I get ignored? No pretty girl will look at me, let alone talk with me. Many seem to intentionally bury their face in a book or plug in their headphones. They are deathly silent and completely ignore me right up until the time I sneeze. Then complete strangers will yell out "God bless you" or "gazuntite", drawing everyone in the coffee shop's attention towards me, just as I'm fighting off a sneezing fit. Then a second sneeze. The blessings continue! Then a third. By this time a long string of snot is hanging like a pendulum from my left nostril while I frantically seek a kleenex. Just stop it! I do not consent to God blessing me and I do not speak German! This might be the biggest pet peeve I have.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2017 

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Starward's picture

You don't consent to a good

You don't consent to a good thought, or a thought for your well being, expressed by strangers?  Maybe that attitude is sensed by the pretty girl who will not look, or the people who bury their faces in books or plug in headphones.


Starward

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DaddyO's picture

Good thought

Indeed I don't. No matter how well-intentioned a person's "good thoughts" are, if someone doesn't welcome your actions, they're invasive at best and I don't want to imagine what they are at worst! 

Starward's picture

I am trying to understand the

I am trying to understand the differentiation.  And I will use an obvious political statement here.  During my early teen years, I had an enormous dislike of our then President, Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon.  After all, he was the President who was going to send me to Nam if he had stayed in office.  But, despite my dislike of his actions; if he had sneezed in my presence, and I had said God Bless You. would I have been invasive at best?


Starward

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DaddyO's picture

My point is...

It would have had Nixon not liked people doing that. And you wouldn't know without asking, which I seriously doubt you (or anyone) would do before seeing him sneeze for the first time. I'm not making a super serious statement here; simply observing how ridiculously inconvenient and unnecessary drawing attention to someone when they're in the process of sneezing is.  Do you say "God bless you" when someone farts? It's not a universally welcome action even if your motives are pure. 

Starward's picture

Thanks for the

Thanks for the clarification.  Most enlightening . . .


Starward

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