No Longer In Denial

Fading quickly away right before our eyes-
Drowning in a life of pain hidden under my disguise-
This wasted life has become nothing but a blur-
Left now with only memories of who you once were-
Find yourself reminiscing back to the days that you were clean-
Now just find myself waiting for someone to intervene-
Slipping away from reality as the poison attacks-
Damaged arms hold evidence of affliction just follow the tracks-
In my painful solitude I watch my blood mix with sin-
Now fusing together as I draw back on the syringe-
My addiction pulls me further in as I pull the plunger back-
Emptiness running thru my veins, feelings are what I lack-
I used to be happy in life, always thought I'd come out on top-
Which is why I'm so confused and I question “why cant I just fucking stop?!”-
But now the drug has taken over, my life is gone, I have no control-
Nothing left to numb my pain, nothing strong enough to fill this hole-
So continue to act like my life is together but how long can we really pretend-
Have to face the truth and realize that I'm gone and this is the end-

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was a very hard poem to write. It's my heart and soul on paper. I exposed myself to the world.

View courtneechaos's Full Portfolio
Spinoza's picture


If you’re no longer in denial – it is not the end, only the beginning. But only you will determine, what that beginning will mean.

Facing our darkness is always the first step. But it is only the first step. The rest requires fortitude and strength, which you must summon – from deep within.

Whether you summon that strength or not – will largely be determined by answering one question. What am I worth? Answer that, and you’re halfway home – one way or another.

This drug takes no prisoners. You either overcome it – or it destroys you. There is no in between – and no skirting around its perimeter. If you remain within its gravity, to any degree – it will pull you in and crush you like a black hole

All I can tell you, is that you must summon all your life force – and all the warring power within your sinews, to fight those thousand deaths that will come in the night. And each morning, raise yourself erect from the ashes like a phoenix, and prepare to do battle again.

You cannot win a war of attrition against it. It will grind you to dust. There is no piecemeal, no bartering, no diplomatic solutions. You must wage a war of complete annihilation – or no war or at all.