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My life used to be

one giant hulking mess.

and me a weak sodden soul,

padded with distress.

I tried to fight against it

but it kept dragging me down.

Smothering me in regrets

and causing me to drown.

I often sleep for hours

with no desire to wake.

And let the depression take me down

though I know it is a mistake.

SO I begin to look for vices

to let my frustrations out.

Not thinking that I need anyone

to talk to this about.

So instead I grabbed some liqour

enough to put me to sleep

Or drink a drop of cold medicine.

to knock me off my feet.

And sometimes I'd get this feeling

of immense pain in my head.

And take two advils,

then to the world I was dead.

I'd let my demons drag me down,

and tell me it was okay.

That no one cared and I was worthless

and I'd believe what they'd say.

So I'd drink more of stolen liqour

and do what I knew was wrong.

But the allure of my demons was enticing

for they sung a hypnotic song.

So I kept letting them drag me down

and I never expected to get back up.

Just kept giving them my tears

to fill their never ending cup.

I sometimes chose to fight against them

thinking I don't want to let them in.

And then life takes a downwards turn

and I give in to them again.

And though this may be a time, when

 their power over me, is slowly but surely thinning.

Sometimes I can't help but feel,

my inner demons are winning.

V1: I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing

Trying to get away, tryna fight this feeling.

My heart feels like its taking a beating.

But I'm holding on tryna stop the bleeding.

Why won't you just try and make it work?

If it's already over, what could it hurt?

I hope this is a nightmare that I'm just dreaming,

Contemplating ways that I could just get even...

Hook/Chorus:

Sometimes I feel like the pain is too much,

when I'm missing you and yearning for your touch.

And when I'm falling apart... Oh I'm falling apart...

But you're just too far away from me,

Is that where you really wanna be?

Leaving me stranded and all alone,

Forcing me to remember what its like,

when you have to walk alone.

V2: What do I do when you won't see reason?

When you change your mind more than we change seasons?

When you don't even care that my soul is bleeding?

and that I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing....

Hook/Chorus:

V3: Oh, what do I do when I'm drowning in pain?

When I'm crying inside cause things ain't the same?

When I'm screaming and shouting, calling your name?

But you don't even care that you're to blame....

I'm still alive but barely breathing!

Tryna get away, tryna fight this feeling.

When all in the world wants to keep us apart,

but i need you here to repair my heart....

Chorus x2 then fade out:

Out at sea

The ears bleed 

echoes...

What have you done to me?

I can't breathe

Abandoned at sea

Drowned in the salt

of my own tears

Please... Please... Please...

Don't leave me here

Alone

You always fear me

For this i don't know why

All i do is run down your cheek

When you cry

Although im small and crystal clear

I form from pain and fear

You fear that if i fall

Your weakness will be shown

And again you will feel all alone

But i am not your enemy

I am something that sets you free

For i am a tear

I may be nothing to you

But i carry you pain too

As i crash to the ground

not making a sound

All i do is look up at you

And wonder how many time we've been through this

Me and  you

So a tear can be something small

But remeber a tear is not just water that falls

Its your pain and heartache too

So sheeding a tear is in the end good for you

My one dearest John,

Where are you now?

I see you've been gone

From our hometown

It's been three years since I last saw you

I regret that I ever knew you

It was nothing but disgrace

You made me fall far from grace

I was 15 

and knew nothing

You were old enough

To fool my young heart

I loved you too much

And soon when we touched

I never knew when to stop

Then you put me down to drop

That deep feeling was too high

It seemed too new to me

Those sad times were full of lies

But doubts never crossed me

They said I was  lucky to have you

I guess they just don't know the true you

Your sick self that frightened me is far from

Your sweet face you displayed in our last prom

You acted so good

You fooled her too

She fell to your traps

Like me with your match

But you never loved her

Bet her clear vision blurred

'Cause she loved you too

The way I used to

Dear John, I'm turning 18 now

But John, I still remember how

You lost my trust and love

Replaced by tears and grudge

I played fair through your rules

I played games though so cruel

Then you laughed at the end of it all

Then I cried, "I should have known"

I was 15 and thoughtless

I danced through your flames and traps

You were 18 and ruthless

You planned that sad, heartless match

Dear John, I cried back then so hard

'Cause John, I gave you all my heart

You made me lose all of my faith

Yet I stood up after those fails

John, I'm smiling again now

John, I can love again now

Though they failed too

They weren't like you

Even if you answer things I ask

They can never bring back the past

You made myself hide for some time

You made my heart cry the whole time

Lessons from you should be learned

Pictures of you should be burned

Three years ago, I was naïve with you

Recalling you, I now know what to do

mask cracked.. tear spills out.
sudden shock as world turns real..
flash as wave of substance washes out..
echo as awareness of reality bounces back..
reminds me that you are leaving me..
hearts once met paths now taken in other directions
still a friend to me..
memory carried
coloring everyday
with lessons learned from
our meeting and divide..
mask carried to speak to a blind world
cracks as shape of society
falls away in the dust..
only my own voice to
be spoken
only own actions to be
carried out..
hands await the embrace
of a body
they are already destined to touch..
but today
i watch mask crack
and fall away

As the symphony played

and the voices sang

tears rolled down cheeks

I sit in a nexus point in time

The branching lines of possibility and intent careening into cold space

Glossy filament, dissolved by mistakes

Whipping wildly to gales of chaotic circumstance

The unseen behemoth we so lovingly dub fate

Held together by the Weak Force of love.

But what does this construct present to us?

Are the shifting crusts that separate us from

the possible and the seen;

the fact and the felt;

solidity and aether;

the binding of sanity or the key to nirvana, accessible to only those who dare venture to the cracks?

But oh so often are those wondering fools caught in an information eruption, flaying the skin from their bones;

subsequently fated to reside within crypts of inumerable dankness. 

A rattling chest beckons the maladroit with assurance of enlightenment; an ironic statement indeed.

You'd need naught but devour your phlanges; they were useless anyway.

The chest opens, and a noxious gas assails the nostrils. cloyingly sweet, delightfully corrosive.

You awaken, sealed shut in an osseous cask, left to ponder the meaning of truth.

Is acceptance the paramount variable of validity; if so, of what number?

They say perception is reality, but what if it is skewed?

What descendant of barbarians is deemed pretentious enough to determine the straightness of the path of which he himself is nothing but a node?

Is dichotomous break between the shifting scales of gain and loss the work of the force of true justice, the entropic doings of spirit and sight?

A binaric base would agree.

I'd cleave my heart in two and hand you the bigger half, if only to convince you of my intentions' purity, even in fractured sight; but when the knife bites deep and caverns yawn wide, only black tar remains.

Embarassment.

The current runs; capacitors light and die again; the current runs.

These are the questions that I feel are true. But I know I am wrong;

for I have never existed.