My life used to be
one giant hulking mess.
and me a weak sodden soul,
padded with distress.
I tried to fight against it
but it kept dragging me down.
Smothering me in regrets
and causing me to drown.
I often sleep for hours
with no desire to wake.
And let the depression take me down
though I know it is a mistake.
SO I begin to look for vices
to let my frustrations out.
Not thinking that I need anyone
to talk to this about.
So instead I grabbed some liqour
enough to put me to sleep
Or drink a drop of cold medicine.
to knock me off my feet.
And sometimes I'd get this feeling
of immense pain in my head.
And take two advils,
then to the world I was dead.
I'd let my demons drag me down,
and tell me it was okay.
That no one cared and I was worthless
and I'd believe what they'd say.
So I'd drink more of stolen liqour
and do what I knew was wrong.
But the allure of my demons was enticing
for they sung a hypnotic song.
So I kept letting them drag me down
and I never expected to get back up.
Just kept giving them my tears
to fill their never ending cup.
I sometimes chose to fight against them
thinking I don't want to let them in.
And then life takes a downwards turn
and I give in to them again.
And though this may be a time, when
their power over me, is slowly but surely thinning.
Sometimes I can't help but feel,
my inner demons are winning.
V1: I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing
Trying to get away, tryna fight this feeling.
My heart feels like its taking a beating.
But I'm holding on tryna stop the bleeding.
Why won't you just try and make it work?
If it's already over, what could it hurt?
I hope this is a nightmare that I'm just dreaming,
Contemplating ways that I could just get even...
Sometimes I feel like the pain is too much,
when I'm missing you and yearning for your touch.
And when I'm falling apart... Oh I'm falling apart...
But you're just too far away from me,
Is that where you really wanna be?
Leaving me stranded and all alone,
Forcing me to remember what its like,
when you have to walk alone.
V2: What do I do when you won't see reason?
When you change your mind more than we change seasons?
When you don't even care that my soul is bleeding?
and that I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing....
V3: Oh, what do I do when I'm drowning in pain?
When I'm crying inside cause things ain't the same?
When I'm screaming and shouting, calling your name?
But you don't even care that you're to blame....
I'm still alive but barely breathing!
Tryna get away, tryna fight this feeling.
When all in the world wants to keep us apart,
but i need you here to repair my heart....
Chorus x2 then fade out:
Out at sea
The ears bleed
What have you done to me?
I can't breathe
Abandoned at sea
Drowned in the salt
of my own tears
Please... Please... Please...
Don't leave me here
You always fear me
For this i don't know why
All i do is run down your cheek
When you cry
Although im small and crystal clear
I form from pain and fear
You fear that if i fall
Your weakness will be shown
And again you will feel all alone
But i am not your enemy
I am something that sets you free
For i am a tear
I may be nothing to you
But i carry you pain too
As i crash to the ground
not making a sound
All i do is look up at you
And wonder how many time we've been through this
Me and you
So a tear can be something small
But remeber a tear is not just water that falls
Its your pain and heartache too
So sheeding a tear is in the end good for you
My one dearest John,
Where are you now?
I see you've been gone
From our hometown
It's been three years since I last saw you
I regret that I ever knew you
It was nothing but disgrace
You made me fall far from grace
I was 15
and knew nothing
You were old enough
To fool my young heart
I loved you too much
And soon when we touched
I never knew when to stop
Then you put me down to drop
That deep feeling was too high
It seemed too new to me
Those sad times were full of lies
But doubts never crossed me
They said I was lucky to have you
I guess they just don't know the true you
Your sick self that frightened me is far from
Your sweet face you displayed in our last prom
You acted so good
You fooled her too
She fell to your traps
Like me with your match
But you never loved her
Bet her clear vision blurred
'Cause she loved you too
The way I used to
Dear John, I'm turning 18 now
But John, I still remember how
You lost my trust and love
Replaced by tears and grudge
I played fair through your rules
I played games though so cruel
Then you laughed at the end of it all
Then I cried, "I should have known"
I was 15 and thoughtless
I danced through your flames and traps
You were 18 and ruthless
You planned that sad, heartless match
Dear John, I cried back then so hard
'Cause John, I gave you all my heart
You made me lose all of my faith
Yet I stood up after those fails
John, I'm smiling again now
John, I can love again now
Though they failed too
They weren't like you
Even if you answer things I ask
They can never bring back the past
You made myself hide for some time
You made my heart cry the whole time
Lessons from you should be learned
Pictures of you should be burned
Three years ago, I was naïve with you
Recalling you, I now know what to do
mask cracked.. tear spills out.
sudden shock as world turns real..
flash as wave of substance washes out..
echo as awareness of reality bounces back..
reminds me that you are leaving me..
hearts once met paths now taken in other directions
still a friend to me..
with lessons learned from
our meeting and divide..
mask carried to speak to a blind world
cracks as shape of society
falls away in the dust..
only my own voice to
only own actions to be
hands await the embrace
of a body
they are already destined to touch..
i watch mask crack
and fall away
As the symphony played
and the voices sang
tears rolled down cheeks
I sit in a nexus point in time
The branching lines of possibility and intent careening into cold space
Glossy filament, dissolved by mistakes
Whipping wildly to gales of chaotic circumstance
The unseen behemoth we so lovingly dub fate
Held together by the Weak Force of love.
But what does this construct present to us?
Are the shifting crusts that separate us from
the possible and the seen;
the fact and the felt;
solidity and aether;
the binding of sanity or the key to nirvana, accessible to only those who dare venture to the cracks?
But oh so often are those wondering fools caught in an information eruption, flaying the skin from their bones;
subsequently fated to reside within crypts of inumerable dankness.
A rattling chest beckons the maladroit with assurance of enlightenment; an ironic statement indeed.
You'd need naught but devour your phlanges; they were useless anyway.
The chest opens, and a noxious gas assails the nostrils. cloyingly sweet, delightfully corrosive.
You awaken, sealed shut in an osseous cask, left to ponder the meaning of truth.
Is acceptance the paramount variable of validity; if so, of what number?
They say perception is reality, but what if it is skewed?
What descendant of barbarians is deemed pretentious enough to determine the straightness of the path of which he himself is nothing but a node?
Is dichotomous break between the shifting scales of gain and loss the work of the force of true justice, the entropic doings of spirit and sight?
A binaric base would agree.
I'd cleave my heart in two and hand you the bigger half, if only to convince you of my intentions' purity, even in fractured sight; but when the knife bites deep and caverns yawn wide, only black tar remains.
The current runs; capacitors light and die again; the current runs.
These are the questions that I feel are true. But I know I am wrong;
for I have never existed.