Ever gotten that feeling where you wanted to die?
Felt like nothing was left of you
And all you want to do is cry?
Tired of the sorrows that reign in your heart too?
Thought about the blade in all of its silence
Or the water the remains perfectly still?
What happens when all you have is
But that leaves you anew
Do you restart
Or do you end it there?
What happens when all apologies have left your heart?
When the pain hurts so, you never want to forget?
Resolutions seem to far past
To reconcile our love that we thought would always last.
Maybe hope is to much to ask for
Even for the love that we once bore.
This is how the story goes.
A lonely boy, trapped in his self-consciousness, aggravated by others
Meets a girl, a girl trapped in her self-consciousness, their minds connect at once
They go through the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly
They go behind authority just to see each other's faces
To keep that horror of self-consciousness away
But one day, that girl goes too far
One day she thinks she can have it all
One day she doesn't tell him about her feelings for him
And that's when the story truly begins
The boy and girl talk, they work it out, they think it'll all be fine
He starts to notice her changing, changing in ways he thought he'd never see
He thinks its just a phase
He thinks "everyone goes through these phases, she's just going through one"
She doesn't stop.
He starts to adapt to her, starts to forget how she used to be
Starts to forget the girl that he fell for in the beginning of the story
Starts to pay the price
"Every relationship has their ups and downs"
Yes but that relationship wasn't a rollercoaster
It was a free fall, a free fall that doesn't stop when it hits the ground
But somehow goes further and further down into the dark abyss of the unknown world
The boy, that stupid naive boy is blinded, scared that everything will come back
But he doesn't think that he wants everything to come back
He doesn't think that that self-consciousness is worse now then it ever was
When did he hear those words that would light his face up
When did she give him everything he wanted
When did she give him everything he needed
One day reality comes in
The day that has been needing to come, but has been dreaded
That girl does it for the last time
That boy still hiding behind his fears of being alone
It ends for them but not for him
She goes off to accomplish new things and to create this very story for more people
He doesn't go off, he falls back into darkness of his own demons
Getting pulled further and further back every time a glimpse of hope enters that dull head
Not knowing where he is headed
He tries fighting for his freedom
Tries to run back towards the light
But what he doesn't know is he's running backwards
The light is out of reach from him
Burying himself deeper in the ashes of his life's destruction
He fights, he wants to be a phoenix but instead he's a deer in headlights
Not knowing where he's going
Not knowing where he needs to go
Instead of finding all that out he sits and lets everything take control of his body
But what he needs to be doing is standing up for himself
He needs to crawl out of the darkness to be exposed to the beauty of the world
He pushes the demons away
Pushing them further and further
Pulling him closer and closer
He reaches it
He sees it
He believes it
And the story end
The story ends for that little self-conscious boy
But another story begins for a man that has seen everything
A new beginning
A good beginning.
the glistening dew upon
the petals of a rose
the caustic yet subtle pungency
of sandalwood twirling past my nares
the forest leaves underfoot
a newborn baby's wail
that breaks the silence after birth into still water
the pain of your torment upon my tender flesh
dimestore favorites in an old shoebox
kept after your funeral
and memories that you left
the burning passion
love of country
the bore that was carved in you for war
the depth of compassion in the heart
of a child
teardrops from your eyes that burnt holes
upon my heart to watch you cry in the night
sneaking down the stairs
both of us, alone
you never knew I saw
I can't say i can live without you, because that is quite untrue.
I can't say i don't love you, i'd be lying to you.
I can't say im hurting, but you already know.
You know my strengths and weaknesses,
You even know my soul.
You know me better than I even know myself.
You know what makes me smile, and what makes me shed a few tears.
You know my unheard wishes, my secrets, and desires.
You know i can't stop loving you for even a second.
Dear God, I Love You.
and close your eyes,
tomrrow will be another day.
of a beautiful dream,
of a place far far away.
into the the new morn'
life is a blessing, that many unappericate.
and be strong,
because no one can control your heart.
and keep going on,
because life is too short.
life is a gift,
a treasure from Above.
September 11, 2013
To cast away the darkest thought,
just turn your sights upon the sky,
embrace it's beauty- love for aught,
which stands against the test of time.
Just keep your head above the clouds,
and bounded not by earth's restraint,
your shame is naught my love -feel proud,
and hold on till another day.
However sad that you may feel,
will pass in time as all things do,
but if they don't lets make a deal,
to keep on giving life a chance.
And in return I'll see to that,
your next tears shall be tears of joy,
so lay back down and let me pat,
your head until your fall asleep.
Bring forth the thoughts which make you smile,
bring forth the strength I see in you,
embrace these thoughts and in a while,
you'll wake up to another day.
Sorrow filling my lungs
Choking on the tears
Crushing my heart
But I’ve never felt so alive
Underwater Trying Not To Drown
Cinders to ash, ash to smoke
My soul caught on the breeze
And left this empty corpse behind
Far behind and not looking back
Why can’t we go back to who we once were?
I'll write your name upon this paper
next to mine in a heart
with forever as a waver
till death do us part
Mrs. Insert your name here
that's the way it should've been
your name, now a puddle from tears
written with the ink of a washable pen
what happened to the fairy tale
I never did believe
until the day I looked in your blue eyes
and saw what could be
now my dream is just a dream
that will never come true
because a fairy tale won't happen
if there is no you
now I spend my nights alone
wishing I was her
and all day I stare at my phone
hoping to see your number
that new girl, she's the lucky one
I hope she knows what she has
because for you, I'd give the sun
for one more night in your hands.
Part I of II
This is the story of Larry Joe Prince
And the way Arizona stole his innocence.
It is written with hope that there may come a day
When a wise judge will grant him his moment to say
All the things so conveniently left out of court,
Made American “justice” look more like a sport,
With a high-priced attorney that didn’t think clear,
And the false testimony of one with much fear,
And the state prosecute thought “I’ll surely reach fame”,
He said, “Hell, I don’t care who the state wants to blame,
It’s a paycheck to me; I don’t care about truths,
It’s my ego I feed, I’m a low lying sleuth!!”
So they all drew their “guns” on that guy Mr. Prince,
Absolutely no shred of secure evidence,
They proceeded to send him to death row to sit,
For the murder of one that he did not commit,
And the biggest and worst sin of all that was done,
Was the way that the people held on to their “guns”,
They embraced all the lies to evade what was clear,
As revenge prevailed justice with each little tear,
And for those in the grave who just watch from above,
With no longer a voice to teach them that real love,
Is not proven by putting the blame on a man,
Just because he is there….cause the courts and you can,
See the proof of one’s love speaks out so very clear,
Even after the grave when one’s body’s not here,
You will hear their soul cry, and you’ll then know for sure,
If they’re resting in peace or they’re haunted some more.
There are families that hide from life’s reality,
The dead man in this case begs you hear his soul’s plea,
Make amends for the errors you’ve made in the past,
And put down all those stones, and those already cast,
If this dead man could speak he’d have something to say,
Of the circus that ran through the courtroom that day,
And if not for the dead man then do it for you,
Cause we all have to answer to God what is true,
Larry Prince knows he’s clear and he wins either way,
Cause he’s INNOCENT judge, the state’s in disarray.
So please read all with care on this day we implore,
Please don’t look at this life as a game where you score,
It’s integrity that is of stake in this court,
And it’s not mine or yours it’s this country’s that’s short
Of a quality no longer active today,
If it dies, it’s the lives of our loved one’s…they’ll pay.
Take your time, read it all, and be true to your heart,
And we’ll all pray it’s not too late for a new start.
Part II of II
They all loved cocaine but they hid it from Dad,
He just couldn’t believe that his kids could be “bad”,
So his eyes he did close, and they stayed tightly shut,
While his best offspring died with that stuff in his gut,
And they said, “It was murder”, and placed the blame there,
Yes, it’s true ‘bout that bullet and blood in his hair,
And the roots of that crime have been hidden so well,
By the real guilty ones with the lies they did tell,
For those self-righteous ones that just stared and stood by,
And condoned this deceit without batting an eye,
For the cowards that watched as the killers went free,
Be aware this could happen to you or to me,
And your sons or your daughters could one day be led
To a place where they wish they would rather be dead,
So now don’t be afraid to let truths in your ears
When your children are hurting with eyes full of tears,
Don’t you cower or shudder, don’t whine and don’t wince,
And remember the story of Larry Joe Prince.
Written in parts, from 2000-2002
Original Copyright 2002
Registration Number / Date:
TXu001112792 / 2002-12-02