love

I EXISTED

Folder: 
Non Military

I existed
You drank….with me
You fought…with me
You hated………….me
You loved………….me
I was a memory
You thought…….and laughed
You thought…….and cried
You thought…….what an idiot
Then the memory faded and died
You don’t know me
But you…………..read about me
Laughed………….about me
Cried……………….about me
When I'm dust
Part of of the Universe
Will anything know
I existed?

© Tony McNally

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Always Wondered (day 21)

I always wondered what this would be like,

shining words like a light on your skin

Throwing away verses till the rain comes down

and pins us to the silent walls again

 

I always wondered how I would stand on my tiptoes

and send you a lightning bolt in the dark

Cashing in years of writing things I don’t know

for the home I’ve found in you, making its mark

 

I always wondered why I couldn’t build towers,

standing here it’s all worth shattered pride

I stopped wishing when I found you and now

free falling is easy when you stand by my side

 

I always wondered how heartache was sweet,

I can’t pour out enough music to say

It’s not only bitter, it’s a million gathered moments

that I still won’t give back, even now you’ve turned away

 

I always wondered what this would be like

if I had a chance to go back in time

I would choose to break so many times again

just to write, for a moment, that you were mine

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/21/16

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TOSS THE COIN

We have never met
Not in this realm
But we know each other 
So well……………………..
Its hit and miss
If I meet you again
The vale of sleep descends
Where shall I go?
Hell……………………………..
Heaven………………………..
Toss the coin
Throw the dice
You are perfect
I love you……………..
You opened the door for me
One day…………………..
We will enter…………..
Never to wipe the sleep from my eyes
Gone…………………
But home……………….
What is a dream?
Maybe its real?
Just maybe………….
I will Rest In Peace.

© Tony McNally

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The Mystery Beyond

He stares down at me with hundreds of blinking eyes

I stare back,

Mesmerized by the mysteries he holds dear

 

The damp blanket beneath welcomes me.

The green claimimg my fingers,

my toes

Begging me to remain

 

I see his eyes coming down on me,

Lifting me, 

Telling me he wants to show me,

Show me his secrets

 

He lifts me.

 

I meet with a blakened curtain,

His eyes have gone

I am alone,

alone in a pool of darkness

 

I hear his voice

A tiny whisper in my mind.

He tells me to come,

says he wants to show me

 

The black curtain follows wherever we go.

 

He tells me he has nine children

Nine who are so different.

He wants me to see

 

He says he has a favorite,

He says he is beautiful,

He says he has the bluest of eyes,

And skin like oatmeal

He says I have met him

 

I see the other eight

I am in awe 

I want to know their secrets

I reach out,

they are too far

 

The air feels funny,

My eyes feel heavy,

I open them and find the stars above,

My coat damp from the green carpet beneath,

My fingers buried in it

I realise then,

 

I HAVE met his favorite

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Live Like We Never Met

Folder: 
2016

As much as I want you to miss me
As much as I want you to send me a postcard
from all the worlds I know you’ve conquered with your charm,
all the hearts I know you’ve won-

 

I don’t want you to feel
what I feel.

 

I don’t want you to miss me so it tears you apart
I want you to laugh like we never met
and we never had any iota of a chance

 

I want you to kiss her like
you never spoke to me
I want you to live for things that will last
and not hold a death grip like me
on something that’s slipping away.

 

I want you to cry but not for me,
I want you to follow someone else into the dark
I don’t want to haunt your dreams
like you’re haunting mine.

 

I want you to live
like we never met
I don’t want you to love me so strong and so much
that you can’t decide if it’s really love
or simply a spell cast on you
by someone who wants to see you broken.

 

I want you to fall again and again
like you weren’t ever scared to hurt me

 

I want you to play this game of life
like it’s the last one on earth
even if I can’t do the same.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/1/16

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Untouchable

Folder: 
2016

I want to write about you
I don’t want to push you out of my mind
because when I wake up
you’re waiting expectantly inside the first car
in my train of thought.

 

Pushing into every song I listen to,
every city where I walk the streets,
every bond I weave,
every mountain where I wish I had a hand to hold.

 

I want to sing about you
but I can’t find a melody
that will reach you through a thousand miles.

 

I hate everything about you,
I can’t get enough.

 

I would choose you every time
but I’m not sure how much good there is in that,
I don’t want to touch you
through the bitterness
because I know you don’t miss me enough
to make it worth it.

 

You didn’t miss me enough
to say goodbye.

 

I hate writing about you,
I hate that I can’t let you go,
especially when talking and singing and writing
won’t matter anyway
You’re untouchable, in a different world.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

CLICHE ALERT haha but it just happened.

Written 7/31/16

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Necklace like a Heartbeat (day 19)

I wish you had given me a necklace

a reminder

to hold something that reaches too deep for words

 

I wish I had something to remember you by

during these long days and

haunted nights

 

I wish I had anything other than

fading memories,

something to prove reality

 

but if I had a necklace

I’d hold it in my hand and

know I wasn’t over you

 

I wish you had given me a necklace

but then again I don’t

 

I don’t want another scar,

I want to be a shell

at least then I could float away

on a different current

 

I don’t want any piece of me to

remember this,

I don’t want anything I am to

remember you

 

but now I have a heartbeat and

I hold it in my hand and

know I’m still not over you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/19/16

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Run Out Of Words

Folder: 
2016

I’ve run out of words to describe you,

colors to pin to your eyes

Adverbs to scrawl about how you talked to me,

sentences like waterfalls

 

Paragraphs to paint everything about us,

everything about the nights we spent

 

I’m trying of trying

to crush a whole sky of emotions into letters

 

It’s a spectrum

Until now I’ve felt just enough to pour out countless songs,

spell out how the others made me sway

 

But now you’ve made me fall and

I feel too fucking much

and a fist is too busy crushing my heart

to ever let the words out again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/30/16

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Ordinary

Folder: 
2016

A heart broken,

a heart lifted

 

A heart torn,

a heart saved

 

I fall and fly and fall

and I’m scared I’ve given too much away

to ever fall again

 

I’ve fallen so many times that

maybe I’m not falling in love at all

Maybe I’m doing something

much more ordinary.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/28/16

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