You drank….with me
You fought…with me
I was a memory
You thought…….and laughed
You thought…….and cried
You thought…….what an idiot
Then the memory faded and died
You don’t know me
But you…………..read about me
When I'm dust
Part of of the Universe
Will anything know
© Tony McNally
I always wondered what this would be like,
shining words like a light on your skin
Throwing away verses till the rain comes down
and pins us to the silent walls again
I always wondered how I would stand on my tiptoes
and send you a lightning bolt in the dark
Cashing in years of writing things I don’t know
for the home I’ve found in you, making its mark
I always wondered why I couldn’t build towers,
standing here it’s all worth shattered pride
I stopped wishing when I found you and now
free falling is easy when you stand by my side
I always wondered how heartache was sweet,
I can’t pour out enough music to say
It’s not only bitter, it’s a million gathered moments
that I still won’t give back, even now you’ve turned away
I always wondered what this would be like
if I had a chance to go back in time
I would choose to break so many times again
just to write, for a moment, that you were mine
We have never met
Not in this realm
But we know each other
Its hit and miss
If I meet you again
The vale of sleep descends
Where shall I go?
Toss the coin
Throw the dice
You are perfect
I love you……………..
You opened the door for me
We will enter…………..
Never to wipe the sleep from my eyes
What is a dream?
Maybe its real?
I will Rest In Peace.
© Tony McNally
He stares down at me with hundreds of blinking eyes
I stare back,
Mesmerized by the mysteries he holds dear
The damp blanket beneath welcomes me.
The green claimimg my fingers,
Begging me to remain
I see his eyes coming down on me,
Telling me he wants to show me,
Show me his secrets
He lifts me.
I meet with a blakened curtain,
His eyes have gone
I am alone,
alone in a pool of darkness
I hear his voice
A tiny whisper in my mind.
He tells me to come,
says he wants to show me
The black curtain follows wherever we go.
He tells me he has nine children
Nine who are so different.
He wants me to see
He says he has a favorite,
He says he is beautiful,
He says he has the bluest of eyes,
And skin like oatmeal
He says I have met him
I see the other eight
I am in awe
I want to know their secrets
I reach out,
they are too far
The air feels funny,
My eyes feel heavy,
I open them and find the stars above,
My coat damp from the green carpet beneath,
My fingers buried in it
I realise then,
I HAVE met his favorite
As much as I want you to miss me
As much as I want you to send me a postcard
from all the worlds I know you’ve conquered with your charm,
all the hearts I know you’ve won-
I don’t want you to feel
what I feel.
I don’t want you to miss me so it tears you apart
I want you to laugh like we never met
and we never had any iota of a chance
I want you to kiss her like
you never spoke to me
I want you to live for things that will last
and not hold a death grip like me
on something that’s slipping away.
I want you to cry but not for me,
I want you to follow someone else into the dark
I don’t want to haunt your dreams
like you’re haunting mine.
I want you to live
like we never met
I don’t want you to love me so strong and so much
that you can’t decide if it’s really love
or simply a spell cast on you
by someone who wants to see you broken.
I want you to fall again and again
like you weren’t ever scared to hurt me
I want you to play this game of life
like it’s the last one on earth
even if I can’t do the same.
I want to write about you
I don’t want to push you out of my mind
because when I wake up
you’re waiting expectantly inside the first car
in my train of thought.
Pushing into every song I listen to,
every city where I walk the streets,
every bond I weave,
every mountain where I wish I had a hand to hold.
I want to sing about you
but I can’t find a melody
that will reach you through a thousand miles.
I hate everything about you,
I can’t get enough.
I would choose you every time
but I’m not sure how much good there is in that,
I don’t want to touch you
through the bitterness
because I know you don’t miss me enough
to make it worth it.
You didn’t miss me enough
to say goodbye.
I hate writing about you,
I hate that I can’t let you go,
especially when talking and singing and writing
won’t matter anyway
You’re untouchable, in a different world.
I wish you had given me a necklace
to hold something that reaches too deep for words
I wish I had something to remember you by
during these long days and
I wish I had anything other than
something to prove reality
but if I had a necklace
I’d hold it in my hand and
know I wasn’t over you
I wish you had given me a necklace
but then again I don’t
I don’t want another scar,
I want to be a shell
at least then I could float away
on a different current
I don’t want any piece of me to
I don’t want anything I am to
but now I have a heartbeat and
I hold it in my hand and
know I’m still not over you
I’ve run out of words to describe you,
colors to pin to your eyes
Adverbs to scrawl about how you talked to me,
sentences like waterfalls
Paragraphs to paint everything about us,
everything about the nights we spent
I’m trying of trying
to crush a whole sky of emotions into letters
It’s a spectrum
Until now I’ve felt just enough to pour out countless songs,
spell out how the others made me sway
But now you’ve made me fall and
I feel too fucking much
and a fist is too busy crushing my heart
to ever let the words out again.
A heart broken,
a heart lifted
A heart torn,
a heart saved
I fall and fly and fall
and I’m scared I’ve given too much away
to ever fall again
I’ve fallen so many times that
maybe I’m not falling in love at all
Maybe I’m doing something
much more ordinary.