Elaine got off
the school bus
following her younger sister
not sure if John


was on the bus
or not
she didn't look
although she had been


tempted many times
to look about her
but she just stared
out the window


at the passing view
listening to others
talking and laughing
wondering if John


was there
and if he had been
looking at her
she walked on


by the school fence
her sister went off
with a friend
into the girls' playground


she looked
at her shoes


her white
ankle socks
now and then


at the passing feet
of others
not looking
but staring


for the school bell
to ring
can we still talk?


a voice asked
she looked up
John was standing there
with that quiff of hair


that hazel eyed stare
she blushed
and looked at him
talk about what?


she asked moodily
looking at his
loosely tied tie


as long
as we can talk
he said
she didn't feel


like talking
or listening
but she did
she was in


such a depressed mood
that she thought that
any moment she
was going to cry


and she didn't want
him or others
to see her cry
she looked behind him


at passing girls
their hair
all arranged neatly
you're not going


to kiss me again
are you?
she said
he looked at her


then at her hair
not if you don't
want me to
he said


although at that moment
he wanted to
because he wanted
to make the oddness


of the day before right
to get them back
to some kind
of friendship again    


she wasn't sure
if she felt relieved or not
part of her
wanted him


to kiss her
to show others
that someone
did find her attractive


and that she wasn't
just a 14 year old
frump as others
called her


we can't talk now
she said
the bell will soon go
maybe lunch time


at recess?
he nodded
he said


I’ll look out for you
O by the way
I saw a Jay yesterday
she looked at him


there was a small smile
on his lips
she said


it's a bird
he said
don't see them often
but it was in


our garden briefly
she said
not knowing


what else to say
about a bird
I’ll show you
a picture


in my bird book
at recess
if you like
he said


she nodded
and a smile spread
on her lips
the book of birds


he kept in that
coat pocket of his
she thought
the school bell rang


and he said
see you later
and touched her hand
and was gone


she she sensed
his touch still there
warming moving along
her nerves


like a fire
opening up
a small unknown
deep down desire.


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I don't know anymore


I'm dating this guy,

this sweet,

kind, caring,

and considerate guy.


He says he loves me,

and I've said I love him-

out of habit, you see...


But I don't know anymore

I don't know what love 

is when it comes to guys now.



I don't know how

to be loveable...


I don't know how 

to be around guys...


I don't know how 

to know if he really loves me...


I don't know how

to know if I love him...


I don't know how

to be a girlfriend..



I just don't know anymore!



I'm so used to being used

that I don't know 

how to be in a relationship!


I don't know what I'm supposed to do

what I'm supposed to say,

what I'm supposed to act like!


I just don't know anymore!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Please let me know what you think!

I feel quit lonely here, about to burst in to tears.

I feel quit lonely here, about to burst in to tears. I can't imagine how my heart really feels, but I know I feel tired of the lies everyone tells me. I think my heart is hurt by all the pain I hold inside me. I feel like screaming till my voice is gone completely, like crying and never stopping just how rain happens, like running after something that's not really there but I keep going because I'm so confused of everything that's going on. I wanna say I'm sorry but why should I, if I'm not the one hurting anybody, I'm the one getting hurt but I still hold it in till I can't no more and then explode of all the pain, jealousy, anger, madness, and love, the one thing I fear most sometimes. I try being someone else because I wanna forget who I am, I wanna be someone who no one lies to and never leaves me waiting. I wanna be that girl who everyone loves, just like everyone loves the Fresh air of the beach when there walking in the sand with their love ones. But I will always stay stuck here wanting everyone to stop lying to me and tell me truth about how they feel. There's only one thing in life I want the most and that's to love the ones that are there for me and have never lied and to succeed in life with the goals I have in mind. I feel quit lonely here about to burst in tears. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this poem yesterday, I guess I didn't feel good about something or someone.  I guess i was just tired of all the lies and the untruthness. I don't know how it sounds but I just wrote what ever came out from inside of me. We live in a world full of lies, hate, jealousy and confusion and maybe its bringing me down Sometimes And wrote something about it. 



Let me lie

Let me freeze again

Till death do we part

And we are on a fast road there

Let me die

Let me live

For death is only the beginning


And I will rise again


I am Atlas

Cursed to uphold you all

Show me the universe

The world in my hands

The sun at my back

Clouds and nebulas are my clothing

Ill carry your world


Time and I converse

As you are born and grow

Earth and I speak

I call out your name

Don’t feel so low

I’ll carry your world


Show me your strength

The fire in your eyes

The desire in your fight

Sometimes I feel so low

About to explode

I’ll carry your world


The world in your eyes

Adventure in your smile

Love in your life

Strength in your touch

Laughter in your youth

Ill carry your world


I call out your name

The world on my shoulders

You hear the thunder from my voice

The lightening in my eyes

The load is not too heavy

I call out your name

I’ll carry your world


For I am ATLAS

Cursed to uphold you

I'd drop the world to catch your tears


I’ll carry your world

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Not in This Lifetime


A sweet melody plays across the sky,

While we sit, a world apart,

But the glassy lake which stretches endlessly between us is not everlasting,

It will dry when the tears of the world are wiped away.


It is true that we may not meet in this lifetime,

But our souls will carry the longing on forever,

So, while we sit alone, we must not be regretful,

For we are just two solitary souls with a single dream.


And, although this world may not be the place for us to be together,

That is just because it was not made with our fate in mind,

But when everything passes, we will not be bound to this world,

So our fate will be ours to decide.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is dedicated to the one who sits on the other side of the lifeless lake.  Maybe one day the world will let us meet.

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A butterfly fluttered by
as we lay
in the long grass
well she talked,
I listened
to her words,
took them
into my mind,
turned them around
as if they
were rare gems,
all air and breath,
peppermint tasting.


I looked
at the rise and fall
of her breasts
beneath the blouse;
her hand shading
her eyes
from bright sunlight;
her hair tucked
behind her ears;
lips moving,
the pink gloss touching
lip to lip as she spoke.


The butterfly
disappeared from sight;
red and black
and white wings,
fluttering, riding
between her words,
carrying off,
maybe, a breath feel,
a wing touched,
sight captured.


I could have ran
a finger along
her thigh,
barely touching,
skimming maybe,
but my fingers behaved,
held back;
the rise and fall
of her mounds,
the eyes shaded,
her words
became butterflies,
fluttered about me,
carrying softness,
tender as bubbles,
syllables upon syllables
reaching for the sky,
then like far away stars
they began to die.

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I Love You

The world is full of flowers

The night is full of due

My heart is full of love

For no one else but you


You came into my life

And took away my pain

And now the joy I feel

By just the call of your name


You’re a blessing to me

This I can’t deny

For this feeling I have for you

Keeps burning deep inside


I thank God for you everyday

And whenever I go on my knees and pray

This is what I’ll say


The world if full of flowers

The night is full of due

My heart is filled with love


For on one else but you

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Oh My Love

When you are within my arms,

The world falls from concern;


I desire for you to be there always.

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