My Best Girl

Tonight is a new poetry kind of night,

As the rain slips down the glass pane windows,

Of our dusty nursing home of a library,

The old binds are bursting,

The covers worn,

As I run my fingers over the innocent little books in the poetry section,

The musk of ugly men and beautiful women stains the room,

I can see them crying out from their pages,

Screaming for my hand,

"Carry us to safety!" they plead,

They are lonely and desperate,

Just as they started,

My hand finally decides on Sharon Olds,

I like to read about women who make bad choices,

I love how my heart beats faster when the poem gets dark,

As if when she's with that bad boy,

Or about to snort another line of cocaine,

I can save her,


Oh Sharon,

Earlier today I tried to tell a friend my secret,

Even when I'm smiling,

Even though I seem so joyful,

Sadness has become my best girl,

My trusty right hand,

She goes to bed with me everynight,

And in the morning she is not with that asshole from her work,

Or those scholars down the hall,

Or whichever druggy is clever enough,

She's with me,

Staring into me totally,

As if she's discovered a new galaxy,

She's beautiful,

A type of beautiful I've seen all my life,

But never fades for a second,

She has the same power to tear me apart,

That she did when my family became ruin,

When my closest friends became memories,

When love finally gave up on me,

But she can be as hurtful as she needs to,

I have never been the judging type,

I understand her,

She just wants all these bottles to be empty,

The music to be louder,

The party to go a little longer,

That girl to be a little closer,

She's coming over tonight to read poetry with me,

And, like always, she's promised to help me write a few of my own



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I dont know why we're assigned our curses

Or why I can make them sound good on paper

Go ahead,  laugh

At my obscurity

Pretend I am as dumb as you think

I will not hate you for it

In fact you are my favorite reader

The reader,

Who despite their staunchest resistance,

Can do nothing but be mesmerized by me

Go ahead look

look at my words

My spies

The oils that drain off the paper

Seeping into your skin

Lurking through your hypothalamus

Hunting for that one night

That one terrible night

And all of the sudden

It is not my poem

It is yours

You are the one falling to your knees in someone's arms

You are trying to forget someone unforgettable

You are trying everything to make things better but have only ever known how to make them worse

We want to run from the fear and pain

But this where I stop running with you.

I end where my poems end

at the bottom of the page

So make your own disasters

Dwell on your own disapointments,

Let them all be as miserable as you think they are

Be completely unreasonable,

And never let anyone tell you "you aren't perfect"

No matter how broken we all are


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I'm spiraling out of control

With no where to go


My mind is losing it's grip

Reality is begining to slip


There's no where left to turn

My desire starts to burn  


I can't seem to find my feet

My heart is ceasing to beat  


Sanity is but a shallow dream

Spinning too fast, I begin to scream  


I'm losing my balance, starting to fall

The world's gone black, you can't hear my call  


It's dizzying how fast I'm going

There's an odd feeling of knowing  


The end is near, it's closing in

My patience is wearing thin  


Goodbye to my sanity

It's spiraling out from beneath me  


I'm no longer who I was before

There's no one here anymore!

Afraid To Be Alone


I've Tried Hide All The Scars
I Left Behind
You Wanted
To Make Me Fresh And New
But I'm Ashamed
I Have Nothing Of No Talent
I Feel I Have Of Nothing Of Use

I Tried Letting It Go
But You Wont Let Me Be
Why Do You Look For Me
When I've Got Nothing
You Cloak Your Cape
And Shower Your Love On Me

These Tears Cannot Express

But I Still Wonder
Why Do You Choose Me
Its Not Your Place
To Follow Me
You Expect Me To Give You Something
But I've Got No Talent
Still I Follow You
Because Of Your Caring Warmth

For Someone Who Has So Much
To Care For Someone Of So Little
Unclenching My Fist
And Opening Up My Soul
Makes Me Exhale My Heart
And Come Forth
With Arms Wide Open

Because Someone Who Cares
Someone Whos There For Me
And Someone Who Knows
Who Knows Whats Its Like
Being Afraid To Be Alone

In The Corner

"Sorry to hear about your loss"'s

Are wooden and rigid

Templates learnt and regurgitated

Out of the mouths of puppets.


There are the hard-eyed portraits

On the wall with nothing

To say. There are caricatures

Who never cease to stop.


"Are you okay?" trickles out

Of the mouths of the mindless.

Questions back me into corners and

I have no choice but to nod my head.


The false testimony that is "yes"

Is as wooden and rigid as the rest.

There are too many timber slabs

Around me - I want to burn them all.


Let me set fire to your words

Before you bother to let them out.

I am sincerely sorry that I have

A loss for you to be so sorry about.


May the match put an end

To your stilted statements and constant

Questions. Unless in that corner,

I can find my grandmother again.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost my grandmother yesterday afternoon, and it was my first experience of death in the family - an experience I was old enough to understand, for once, anyway. People I don't know as well have paid me their respects, people I know very well have said nothing at all. It's a very confusing and frustrating time for me, as I'm not quite sure of how I'm feeling or how to take people or how to do anything anymore. My first instinct, after being with my family and crying, was to write. This was what came.

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oh sweet and unforgiving darkness, 

how good you are to me

in all unspoken blasphemy, 

finding refuge when theres tragedy

with open eyes

cant see through your guise

a bittersweet demise

scorches my lies

with all my sin

seeping and pouring through the skin


for twas the witching hour

all who know this fear and cower

the chidren crying while theyre flying

in the darkness they are dying


humbug! believe not, there falter not 

see between the twilight or have you forgot

a soaring dawn or the euphoric nightfall

im enraptured, maybe ill be captured

but for now ill go to bed and sleep.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

long time no see guys and gals 

Depression's Defeat

Soul Poetry


Its such a deep, murky pit,

that drags you on under,

From the sobbed teary rains,

and your own personal thunder.


I cling desperate, to the walls,

in my life's effort to get out

Fingernails digging in,

I climb the only known route.


Escape is most essential,

for this aching, inner struggle,

As both the depression,

and the sanity, I juggle.


Brought about by pains,

of both my body and mind-

Some the result of abuses,

others have mentally assigned.


But never will I break,

and never fully, will I fall.

As always before, I'll come back,

-much stronger then them all.


For up at the perimeter's lip,

God's Hand extends outward, to me.

And His Amzing Grace, like always,

Lifts me up...and sets me free.


A Pointless World

I could pick up that pen

Or press on these keys

Trying to let another source

Of inspiration find me.

I could tap, tap, tap

Or move my hand this way

And that, so my words

Could find a way to weigh.

I could lie in a field

With green grass way up high,

Or stare out of my window

Out to dark night skies.

I could look down to the street

Below where mere mortals walk,

To gain some creativity

And maybe then I could talk.

But what is there to

The sky, the grass or that view

If my muse

Cannot be you?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have so many other pieces that I haven't posted on here yet, and even they were written with the same person in mind. I'm frustrated that I can't see the beauty in writing about anything else right now, other than this singular human being, who has become the muse of so many of my poetry and prose pieces. This was also free written. It's almost scary how easy and natural it feels to write about this one person.


I have a fear that this is turning

And warping into addiction

Not even to the weed that's burning

But to the feeling - the infliction


The false beliefs that seem to follow

After the lighting of the blunt

Being sober, I feel so hollow

So it's for this idea I hunt


Maybe if I inhale just once more

I can be with you somewhere

If not here where my tears pour

In another dimension we share


But what is time and what is space?

Mere illusions to measure and control

This is what I can barely face -

Being away from the other half of my soul


In time, we'll meet again with some degree

Of the feelings we shared before

Or maybe we will never be

A thought I can bear no more


Regardless of where our destinies lie

I'll never let you go

I'll chase you in every single high

Maybe, this time, you'll show

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