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It draws out my breath before I breathe out.

Turning me on myself,

Filling each unoccupied moment with doubt and pain.

Each sentence over-analysed,

Each pause I communication agonised over.

Every possibility,

The more unlikey; the more real.

I dreamt when I came back you'd gone,

Still occupying the same space but no longer mine.

No hate. No Argument. No reason.

Only indifference.

We stretched it too far and you let go,

It didn't snap.

One word answers.

I love you, I love you,

Say it back,

You used to.

Absence made the heart grown colder.

Soulmates?

I wake,

But it's stuck in my throat. Barbed.

I try to pull it out but it sinks in deeper.

 Daddy Dearest please don't go,

I need you here with me.

Though you don't seem to think so.

Without you it's worse, can't you see?

We may not be the perfect kids,

or even the happiest family.

But as long as you stay with us,

the happier we can be.

We need you to keep us together

because you are like our glue

This family will keep on falling apart

If we don't have you.

You may think you aren't important.

But you are, believe me I know.

And we need you to keep us sane.

So Daddy Dearest please don't go.

Lonely, old, Fine China Doll

Static; motion, emotion

Inert in the arduous posture

Fatigued arms, rigid, held up high

Back bent idly, emulsified in the groove

Transparent eye-lids

Dry shinny eye balls, wide open

Awaiting, awaiting;

for the sun to rise and break the curse

Fine China Doll cursed by the Gods;

once a spring bee, a ray of light, a neon glow

Encapsulated into a clear glass figurine

With her obscured vision, all she saw;

The buzzing, humming world, beyond the glass

The hibiscus fields, anticipating her groovy dance

Determined and focused, a dedicated hard-working bee she was

Ceased, helplessly witnessing her peers consume her righteous nectarine joy

Living the pleasure she desired

Her eye balls leaking

Surely she deserved better!

The envious Fine China Doll, cursed by the Gods

Fought and fought

Until the wounds could no longer bleed

A great numbness took over

A peculiar vacuum, an enlightenment

Empowered her to re-examine the fate she had charged against

Within the fine china walls

Fine China Doll, blessed by the Gods

Naive, unaware, impatient

Concluding at her own will

For she was exiled, away into the china figurine, only to be sheltered

Against the storm, about to hit her gardens

Peers, hibiscus, all wiped out

A new divine land was to rise above the eradicated fields

A special place in the hierarchy was reserved for her, as a reward

Only the divine lands were eternal,

As were the infinite nectarine bodies

The purified sublime spirit was released from the glass

At the due time

Adjusted swiftly into the new world

Rejoiced every moment

For she was trained for this new world, inside the perfect China glass

I wish I could explain exactly what and how I feel.
Human beings are stuipid that way.
We're able to feel too many things
Things that feel good and things that feel bad.
Some nights I wish I could be anything else but human.
We don't realize as people, how easy it is to break someone and crush them down to a pile of ash simply because they said something unknowingly...or perhaps lacked to say something that was important to them. 
"It wasn't intentional, i had no idea"
Something like that would be uttered out but that's human nature. Unknowing, clueless creatures.
Reasons beyond what I understand or am capable of knowing why, I may have discovered why I wish to remove my exsistance from this world. It's not that I want to live. It's that i want to live happy without being able to experience the bad things, BAD emotions.
However it can only be a dream.
Happiness is expensive.

I know it's not easy
To be in love with me
I'm holding onto
5000 pounds
Of luggage
From the past

And when I packed my bags
And I sat beside you
You asked
If you could carry
Some of the burdon

I swear there were tears
In my eyes
When your smile radiated light
Into the darkest depths
Of my damaged home

So I took my bags
Locked the suitcases tight
And I threw them
Into
The sea

I see you with her. Smiling and giving kisses on the nose.

I knew it could never be. But life is blind hope.

After all these years I've realized my heart is futile and my woes, plentiful.

And all I've ever known were inadequate adventures.

But after all these years, I still can't accept that I cannot make you love me as you love her.

The storm is now over....I'm searching through the mud. I see now that the rain is gone... that you never cared to much .... A lightning bolt struck me....yes it struck me to the ground.... and you sir had disapeard...you were no where to be found.... Give me back my pieces... pieces to my heart....you tore it right from my chest. And you ripped it apart. .....give me back my pieces.... I am spinning out of control.... the sirens.... the sirens there they go... To the looney house they took me,  I cannot set myself free...And it's all because of you ... how could you do this to me.... Now they say I'm crazy...They say I'm a work of art... Now they call me crazy girl... it all started with a broken heart.... who knew it could start from a broken heart....

Are like scalding hot drops,

of melting metal.

They sear their way through my skin.

I cannot bear the sight of her tears,

So I turn my back and walk away.

And let her cry.

So she drowns her tears.

In Brandy, Vodka, Rum,

And Wine Coolers.

So do I...

I wait

Sadly

In the darkness

until she is too drunk to notice.

She sleeps.

And I crawl from my hotel room bed.

Into the bathroom

and drink.

The scalding liquid like fire...

Like Mother's tears.

And then I fill it with water,

shake the bottle

Hope

she won't notice.

Then I lay down and

Listen

To the sobs from my mother's soul.

Though she remains asleep she still

Cries.

Does she cry because of

Me?

Or does she cry for

Me?

Or does she simply cry because she

Knows

that I have become like her

Drowning my sorrows

In scalding liquid

That tastes of

Mother's Tears.....

All these people sad and hurt,

because this girl is dead.

"It's all my fault, only mine"

is what pounds inside my head.

I didn't mean to do it,

it was an accident,

But that won't change the fact

that her body is bent.

If only I hadn't been drinking,

on that stupid date.

I regret ever deciding to drive,

But its much too late.

A little girl no older than ten,

could have explored europe,

But instead I ran her down,

now she will never grow up.

Everytime I close my eyes,

all I see is her frightened face.

I cannot bear these hostile looks,

I am my family's personal disgrace.

This little girl did nothing to me,

but know she's dead in the ground.

Her body smacking against the pavement,

I'll never forget that sound.

Until that night I took nothing serious,

and life was just a game.

But now a little girl is dead,

and I am the one to blame....