sadness

Half a Queen

I never thought the day would come.

 

The love that used to swell up in my chest, lover, you know- the kind of affection that tightens your throat and awakens a storm of butterflies to stir up madness in your belly-

 

Gone.

 

I grasp desperately at frayed heart strings, hoping upon damned hope that I would catch a fragmented piece of the blind passion I once felt for you,

 

Drowning myself  in the suffocating  fear of something far worse than loving a calloused man;

Losing the ability to feel at all.

 

The pain you've caused, the wounds your lies and deceit have inflicted, has left me numb.

I once knew how to forget the world and slip into a blissful ignorance as I rested in your strong embrace.

 

Now those days flutter in the recesses of my tired mind, and soon memories of what was melds together with dreams of what could have been,like a patchwork quilt forged from  the juxtaposition of the  life you promised us and the much bleaker reality, stitched together with missed phone calls and unexplained late nights.

 

 

When I think of these things, late late at night; when I realize I'll never learn to stifle the voice in my head that tells me your words are poison,

 

because I've learned that small voice tells more truth than your fallacy laced lips,

those are the nights I'm alright with not feeling.

Tonight I clutch numbness close to my chest, nod at the empty pillow, and  smile at the sound of sweet nothing.

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Oh the Irony

The boy lays on the ground while the second stands over him

The first boy cries while the second laughs

The second boy is hurt

But is not crying

For his tears have dried up

The second boy is on the ground

The man standing over him

Belt in hand

Oh the irony


The first boy sits down

His friends crowd around

Concussion is found

Hit by a locker

And now is at the doctor


The first boy goes home

To a poor family

To a small house

To an unhappy life

To depression

To anger

To suicide


The first boy screams

But no one deems

It important

No matter how absorbent

The physical bandage

Can be banded


The second boy stays still

Clothes off

Bloody and beaten

Assessing his wounds

Just to go back

And beat the first boy some more

Oh the irony


The anger the first boy feels

All of those deals

Only to be let down

And told he was a clown


The first boy is sad

The crying never stops

While the second boy laughs

But hides the scars

Under his hoodie

While the first boy doesn’t

Oh the irony


The second boy runs

From what feels like a thousand guns

But in reality

In actuality

There is only one

And it isn’t a gun


The first boy’s life is over

He gave up

But his story will never be forgotten

Because in the sea of many

He wasn’t the only one


Bullying is wrong

But you must be strong

For behind every bully

There is trully

 

A troubled past


Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was a school project, and it ended up turning into so much more! So don't be too harsh haha!

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When I Became The Night

 

 

It was when the dusk overshadowed brightness
And blocked out all rays of hope.
It was when my life became too distorted
And I could no longer cope.

 

When shadows were cast downward,
Falling over my forward path,
Causing me to loose my direction,
Too lost in midnight's wrath.

 

It was when my days all darkened,
The sun no longer shining it's grace.
No longer there to tepid my soul,
Nor warm the contours of my face.

 

When long hovering clouds, opened up,
Releasing torrents I couldn't bear.
When the deluge overtook too fast
And drowned one, already gasping for air.

 

It was when I could no longer see past,
The shaded areas, to look to the light.
Blinded by a pitching blackness,
It was when I became the night.


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I Can't Do This Anymore

 

Life, you win.
I'm too battered, too sore.
Too weakened to fight,
I can't do this anymore.

 

You've taken it all,
And left me agape.
Even in dreams,
I find no escape.

 

You taunt me with lies,
Even while I'm asleep.
I awake to darkness,
And in my silence, I weep.

 

You show me things,
That can never be.
Those things that mean,
The very most to me.

 

But you keep them away,
Just beyond my reach.
My trust is shattered,
My soul, it is breached.

 

You dangle them, before me,
Like a jagged piece of bait.
I've never caught, them at all,
And now, its too late.

 

So please, let me go,
You're the victor in this war.
I'll just take my leave.
I can't do this...anymore.

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Scar On My Soul

When Fear Comes Rushing In
And The Knife Comes Spilling Out
Out Through Your Skin
And Onto The Ground
You See The Blood Rushing Out
You Can Feel The Rain Fill In
Can You Feel The Scars That Push Out
That Spans Across The Space

 

It Cut So Deep You Can't Erase
Trying To Not Make It Show
Trying To Not Be Scared
But How Am I Going To Make It

 

My Soul Will Not Crushed
Yes I've Got Broken Wings
And When I'm On My Way Down
And I'm Losing All Hope
Just Grab Me By The Arms
And Rest Me Upon The Hug

 

I've Been Crushed And I've Been Saved
Walking Around This Earth
I Know I Can't Erase The Things I've Done
I Know I Can Make The Best Of This
I Will  Stand My Ground And I'll Get Back Up
But I Still Can't Find A Way

 

Tell Me What I've Done
Write It All Down
Show Me The Mistakes
I'll Never Give Up
You Gave Me A Promise
I Won't Give Up

 

I Know I'm Tired
And I Can't Stand
But Time Will Heal My Soul
These Scars Can't Stop Me For Forever
Because I Will Hold On To This Hope

 

You Gave Me A Promise
You Gave Me The Hope
You Gave Me A Light
You Gave Me Something To Believe
You Called Out To Me
You Reached Out To Me

 

And Even If I'm Closing In
And I'm Losing It
I Will Hold On To You
And I Will Keep Moving Along

Little Girl

Folder: 
Dark

 

Feeling like a little girl

Comforted by her cries

Every minute the big hand clicks

A little more she dies.

 

Fumbling around in darkness

Not knowing what to do or say

Trying to fix what’s wrong

But only gets turned away.

 

Swallowed up by her fears

Feeling tired and alone

The blanket that covers her now

Barely warms the bone.

 

Her head is pounding intensely

The beat grows harder still

Wondering if an ease will transcend

She just wants something real

 

 

July 29 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Struggling, hard choices and confusion.

Solace

Folder: 
Free Verse

When souls are dark as the night

When solace lies not in the stars

But in the dream kept by others

And in those tears not shed

For solace is forgotten

In all but the darkest of nightmares

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Rest in peace Sarah

 

This poem is in memory of my sister, May 10th 1991 - August 7th 2014.

There will be many more poems in her memory. With my crappy skill, this is the best I could do.

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The Darker Place I Go

Folder: 
The Dark Side

 

I'm headed down that road again

the one with no turn-around.

The one that tempts

and beckons

like offerings of water

to a desert-parched soul.

 

Its safer at the end of there-

for no one dares follow

not even to lead you back

from the brink-

so cold-hearted and barren

of emotions they are already.

 

No...simply emotionless,

they watch you walk

farther and farther away

sucked down deeper

into the blackness-

and they don't even wave goodbye.

 

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I Am Already Dead

Folder: 
The Dark Side

 

No big loss...yeah,

That would be me.

In a final act

To finally set me free.

 

None would mourn

Or even shed a tear

If one day soon

No longer, I'm here.

 

I've nothing left

Worth holding to

Its what I've known

I'm coming to.

 

I might as well

Have the life from me, fled

For in living like this,

...I am already dead.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Its not something I would ever do...only this way...via poetry

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