I used to stand straight,
Firm and strong,
My limbs protected,
Until the wind came,
At first I stood tough,
But persist it did,
And I began to bend,
Now I stand crooked,
Waiting to snap.
Could you just explain,
your surfacing emotions,
before they hide beneath.
a patch of pride,
each hazardous guess,
paints me critically,
black with blue intent,
shades of hatred,
flair in your silence,
inflicting further torture,
upon shameful desperation.
However, from time to time,
priorites tend to aling,
expressions of layers,
like a splash of water,
to an exhausted brush,
bravery is performed,
with hurtful honesty,
trust deepens affection,
and ever so briefly,
we fly in perfect harmony.
Silly me, I'll never learn.
I tried to change
I tried to gain your approval
Tried to bring back the smile you had when we first met
and the fire that kept us alive for hours in dark heavens
I tried to turn back time and find my purity
Bowed down and prayed to the Divine
Burned my Nietzsche books
and turned to your Ignatian rules
Climbed the thousand steps of El Salvador
on my knees
Lit two candles in San Pedro Church
Abstained myself from Rand and Marx
Silenced the waves of the seas
inside my soul,
the loud beating of my dying heart,
the whispers of the cold wind
Dressed black on Friday nights
Slapped my cheeks with verses
of my sins
Recited the rites of holiness
to conjure your love
Dried up my eyes from hellish cries...
I swallowed you
Your blood, flesh, and tears
Like a sacrament, I welcomed it all —
even the dark clouds that moved
Didn't I hear the heavens and saw
the angels in you?
Still, my demons are here to stay and say,
Why am I still not enough for you?
How can be enough for you?
I can't figure out,
My emotions are a mess.
Laugh, cry, scream or die?
I was but a faithless faithful married to my odes
A paradox of love and hate
A chainless slave of death
The master of a destiny roaming down lonesome roads
You came one day and I knew what to expect
Dark-red roses and a month for my heart to wreck
Like many of my poems, this love too will come to dust
In the comfort of the night, this bond will start to rust
But your light is stronger than my pessimism
Like a blanket in a stormy night, you envelope me
The touch and warmth of your skin tells me to believe again
In the vision of a tomorrow where I’ll never be alone again
With your lips, I remember my youth and hopes and dreams
With your hands, you take me back before I began to fear
With your tongue, you breathe life to my long-lost faith in heaven
With your eyes, I begin to hope and love again
And so then I took down my Berlin Wall,
Forgetting my sorrow and fear to fall
The Cold War is now over and the Sun has come
Here comes the Summer I've waited years to come
A puzzle I want to unravel,
You upped my curiosity
You bring more questions than answers
Testing my long-held tenacity
Years of reasons have finally abandoned my sanity
What is left is your voice and the visions of our promises
Gone are the days I preferred Rand and Hegel than your predictable daily updates
I now only crave for your fucked-up emojis and monotonous 'Hi's' and 'Hey's'
Wreathe me with your holy Marian poetry
As I undress my Peregrine peculiarity
Cast away the bedlam of the world
And cover me with your celestial words
If this love is a game of dark and light
Take me to Bethlehem where the stars breathe life
I'll lead you to my deepest sorrow
Off to Gethsemane our hearts shall go
If we all believe in an utopia
That lasts forever,
We wouldn't try so hard to die,
Satisfation: so lose, yet so far
Erase and rewrite these stories of mine:
I"ll change the ending 'cause you're my soulmate
I cannot bear to watch you walk away.
Walk away with my love, hope, and dreams.
Fact in fiction: There is no ending to our story
Until the day I die, I'll die with honor.
Whenever we're together, babe
You make the seasons start to change.
Whenever w're lost in paradise together,
I would ask you for a chance to make our love better
If only you could see how much I love you.
Things wouldn't have ended the way it did.
All the songs I've written seemed like my story.
So, I sang them to death.]
Someday, you'll calll and congratulate me.
I'll prepare a good thank you and Good Bye message
For you: In time, I'll promise you that much.
I sit there all night
blind of the pain and fright
tis all for naught since they call me a child
I laugh since i watch them die, all the while
I sit and make line after line
Hearing the voices sending shivers down my spine
I take the knife and cringe at the voices
Deeper , longer, deeper, longer
more, more, more is all the voices whisper
you said you loved me, was that a lie
if it was'nt then tell me why
why you did what you did to me
I still love you cant you see
am I a fool, , for loving you
what now my love, will I do
turn my heart cold as stone
face this life on my own
should I curse the day we met
should I give up and just forget
forget the fun we shared together
face the fact it wasn't forever
face the truth , that all this time
you didnt love me, you were never mine!
If this is the fate thats meant for me
what will I do, what will I be?
I wish you all the joy I can
I hope you find happines, with the other man.
please forgive me, for any wrongs I've done
Please forgive me, for not being the one
the one you could love, forever and a day
for thats how I will love you, in every way...
So my love I guess this is fairwell
I'll remember you fondly, in the stories I tell.
© Paul (ChryWizard). Posney 12/08/2016
This anger inside has rattled my cage
I hide it in a bottle labled rage
I;m sick of its tormenting lies
As it pokes and prys
And searches for a release
It begs pretty please
I keep telling it no, but it gets harder with time
I grab a bottle of tequilla and fuck the lime
I drown my sarrows and shatter my memories
With this broken bottle I sever my arteries
Laying there feeling guilty, I let my soul leave
I sigh and mutter, I just wanted one to believe
My blood's thickening, please just cauterize
'Cause in my final thoughts I finally realize
I take a breath and start to fight
Don't give up, I can see the light
My wife and kids are there crying
Please stop, I'm not dying
Then I hear them praying a prayer
As I look down at my cold dead stare
Laying in my coffin, I know it's too late
But, then I wake up sweating, It's not my fate
I roll over to kiss my wife
She's not there, is this still my life?