unhealthy relationships

Hit and Run

On a dark road I am blinded by your high beams and my lustful destructive love. My intentions projected on you. I forget what comes at me. I forget the collision. The beautiful lights on a dark empty highway. You drive drunk with indecision and pain. I drive drunk with lust, passion, and jealousy. We collide and end up wrecked in a ditch of disagreement. Our vehicles totaled in a wreckage of despair. We flee the scene nursing the wounds we recklessly inflicted on eachother. Where is the romance in car crashes and mutually assured destruction?

My Heart Your Home Is

A fire burns as the pressure builds
I will surely burst into flames any moment
Bright lights
flood gates buckle
oceans rush in (much like fools
fools like us
…if fools fall in love,
we lie far from foolery
bedfellows of desire
naked to the Truth (for once)
no… this is not love.
I am no fool.
Shame on you
Shame on me
We’ll never be a family
With a great big hug
Oh, and the kiss from me to you
Can’t build much with words as glue
all we are is a fleeting sense of the infinite
hoping to be exponentially more
by giving exceptionally less
less is more everywhere
except the in between
where more is more is the fiery abyss of more
ever growing in height and girth
the tumor that plagues both the free and brave
I know of no certain cure
For you, uncertain in nature
Certainly unnatural this is
(I love it anyway)
blissed off in every direction
especially the one pulling closer to you…

wordless communication
effortless teaching
love without direction?
cyclically instead of linear
round&round we go
flush or spin?
b r E a k / o
r D i E ‘ b E n D i n g . . .
less = more.
I care less…
…you try more!
I want less!
you need more.
I give less
you want more…
I accept less.
you offer more ( in the future )
but the future is part of forever
and how can you have forever
when you don’t even have right now?
trading the best of me
for scraps of you
(I guess there’s not much left after
you pay the Devil his dues…)
double the pulse
commence race of consciousness
you teach people how to treat you.
you accept the love you think you deserve.
words aren’t glue (unless they’re the truth)
[but it’d be a long shot to expect that from you]
all you can count on is that which you earn.
I digress.
These are my smallest of thoughts –
I value the individual only to the extent which they value the collective.
then there’s you…
and me
and all the things I’ve tried to be
because with you
there’s more
than I’ve ever known before
I can’t promise you forever
but just today would be better
than if I’d never loved the man I wanted you to be at all.
It was a fatal attraction;
--a face I thought I knew
shame on me for refusing to see
that I never could believe in you
A hedonistic distraction-
a Sexy place to call home
Can't build futures on pure passion
Though we both feel it pulsating through our bones.
I never meant to love you
I never meant to care
I never thought I'd spend my nights wishing you were there
Maybe it was my fault;
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe we could have been all we'd ever need until you blew it all up;
At a loss for words
--who can speak at a time like this?
You loved me first
You loved me worst
& still You loved me better
Than I'd ever been loved at all
The earthquakes in the wake of your deceit have left me shaken to my core;
How dare you come oozing back with your pants outstretched for more!
I knew better than to trust you
oh but I wanted to more than life!
I begged you for a reason
...you just talked about me as your wife.
Again I ask- how can we have forever
If we don't even have right now?
fatal diagnoses - you'll kill what's left of my poor tattered soul
&&the sex is miraculous--
...But I prefer self-control.
So ramble on-
"roll onward," as you say;
I walk with the grace of a woman now- no more time for the games you play.
In truth, I feel sorry for you
and the lonely life to which you are doomed:
You'll never know friendship
or Truth.
there I go again, wielding words as weapons again
alas, I digress;
one cannot inflict pain
upon that which feels nothing.
I'd ask God to have mercy on your soul
but that would imply that you have one.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written in segments over the course of a year-and-a-half tumultuous relationship that nearly killed my spirit....... Thank God for resilience (:

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