Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

before PTSD

I greatly miss the person you were before,
I look at you and I don't know you any more. 
I miss your laughter, you gentle heart, your smile,
Yeah I have not seen that side of you in quite awhile. 
I am not sure where you have gone, only that you went, you are so far away,
And it kills me to look back on yesterday. 
I hate the memories of who you used to be,
I hate to look at you, because the old you I nonzero.   longer see,
If God would grant me one wish I know what it would be,
I would ask for you to go back to the old you, before the PTSD destroyed my family.
I don't want to remember you this way,
I would give anything to go back to yesterday.
I hate the war , I hate Iraq,
The brother I had never came back.
I will never know what happened to you,
But God knows I miss you.
I will never understand why it had to be the way,
But I long for yesterday.
You might not have died physically, but you died just the same,
My children will never know what a wonderful person you are and it's a shame.
The only thing they know is uncle PTSD,
They were robbed of uncle Dannie. 
I wish it did not have to be this way,
I wish I could change yesterday.
I hate that you have to lie to yourself, you believe nothing has changed, you are fine,
I hate that it's not true and hasn't been for a very long time.
I hate that you drink way to much, way to often to bury the pain,
I hate that you will never be the same.
I hate that you have nightmares so you sleep as little as you can,
I hate the fact I will never truly understand.
I wish we could go back in time to when we were at play,
I wish I could give you yesterday.
I wish I could make you forget all the things you have seen, and undo all that you have been through,
I wish I could fix you.
I wish I could go back to yesterday before any one lived with the hell of PTSD,
But I dream of a tomorrow when everyone who suffers will finally be free.
© Wanda Faith Danielle Eitzmann 

before the war

I greatly miss the person you were before,
I look at you and I don't know you any more. 
I miss your laughter, you gentle heart, your smile,
Yeah I have not seen that side of you in quite awhile. 
I am not sure where you have gone, only that you went, you are so far away,
And it kills me to look back on yesterday. 
I hate the memories of who you used to be,
I hate to look at you, because the old you I nonzero.   longer see,
If God would grant me one wish I know what it would be,
I would ask for you to go back to the old you, before the PTSD destroyed my family.
I don't want to remember you this way,
I would give anything to go back to yesterday.
I hate the war , I hate Iraq,
The brother I had never came back.
I will never know what happened to you,
But God knows I miss you.
I will never understand why it had to be the way,
But I long for yesterday.
You might not have died physically, but you died just the same,
My children will never know what a wonderful person you are and it's a shame.
The only thing they know is uncle PTSD,
They were robbed of uncle Dannie. 
I wish it did not have to be this way,
I wish I could change yesterday.
I hate that you have to lie to yourself, you believe nothing has changed, you are fine,
I hate that it's not true and hasn't been for a very long time.
I hate that you drink way to much, way to often to bury the pain,
I hate that you will never be the same.
I hate that you have nightmares so you sleep as little as you can,
I hate the fact I will never truly understand.
I wish we could go back in time to when we were at play,
I wish I could give you yesterday.
I wish I could make you forget all the things you have seen, and undo all that you have been through,
I wish I could fix you.
I wish I could go back to yesterday before any one lived with the hell of PTSD,
But I dream of a tomorrow when everyone who suffers will finally be free.
© Wanda Faith Danielle Eitzmann 

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PTSD has taught me

PTSD has taught me,
War changes people it robs   them of who the used to be.
That not every one come home the same person they were before, 
That you can hurt until you can't hurt any more.
PTSD has taught me,
How much I miss my brother Dannie. 
That just because you make it home does not mean the war is over and done,
When it comes to war neither side has really won.
PTSD has taught me,
No one will ever truly understand the price you paid,
To keep your country safe.
PTSD has taught me,
That the things you have seen and done,
Would scare the shit out of almost every one.
PTSD has taught me,
Life is so much harsher than it used to be,
PTSD has thought me they  fight flash back when they are awake,
And nightmares while they try to sleep,
It's hard to let go of memories. 
PTSD has taught me,
Freedom is never free.
PTSD had taught me not every one who is a prisoner or war is over seas,
A lot them are held captive by a force you can't see.
PTSD has taught me more than I ever wanted to know,
Some times the things that are killing us never show.
PTSD has taught me that the ones that are suffering are some of the bravest people I know,
Everyday is a battle, but to look at them you would never know.

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WELCOME HOME SOLDIER

WELCOME HOME SOLDIER,

YOUR TOUR OF DUTY IS OVER.

THANK YOU FOR FIGHTING FOR ME,

THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING OUR COUNTRY.

YOU CAME HOME WITH MANY SCARS,

AND THERE IS A FEW MOST PEOPLE WILL NEVER SEE,

THE HARDEST ONE TO LIVE WITH IS PTSD.

MOST WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE NIGHTMARES,

OR THE CRIES YOU CALL OUT IN YOUR SLEEP,

THEY WILL NEVER SEE THE TEARS THAT YOU WEEP.

MOST PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BOOTS ARE HARD ONES TO FILL,

THEY DON'T KNOW THE HELL YOU GO THROUGH,

I AM SORRY TO SAY SOLDIER THEY NEVER WILL.

THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO GET ON THAT PLANE,

KNOWING THAT EVEN IF YOU MAKE IT BACK YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THAT SAME.

MOST WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE DECISIONS YOU HAVE MADE,

OR FULLY UNDERSTAND THE PRICE YOU HAVE PAID.

JUST BELOW THE SURFACE IS A PAIN THAT MOST WILL NEVER SEE,

THEY WILL NEVER KNOW THE HELL OF PTSD.

THEY SAY THAT YOU HAVE MADE IT HOME, YOU ARE ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES,

BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WAKE UP AT NIGHT LOOKING FOR YOUR GUN.

THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THE MEMORIES OF WAR THAT CLOUD YOUR BRAIN,

OR THAT YOU DRUNK WAY TO MUCH TO NUMB THE PAIN.

AND EVEN THE ONES THAT LOVE YOU,

NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND ALL THAT PTSD HAS DONE TO YOU.

OR THAT YOU SOME TIMES REGRET THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE DONE,

BECAUSE IN THE CASUALTIES OF WAR, NEITHER SIDE HAS REALLY WON.

BECAUSE I LOVE SOMEONE WITH PTSD,

AND I WOULD NOT WISH THIS HELL ON MY WORST ENEMY.

WELCOME HOME SOLDIER,

I KNOW FAR TO WELL, YOUR TOUR OF DUTY IS NEVER REALLY OVER.

© WANDA FAITH DANIELLE LOHRMEYER-EITZMANN

YOU MAY HAVE PTSD BUT IT DON'T HAVE YOU

 

 

YOU HAVE BEEN WALKING THROUGH A FIRE OF YOUR OWN HELL FOR A WHILE NOW,

AND I KNOW SOMEDAY YOU'RE GOING TO WALK OUT, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHEN OR HOW.

I KNOW YOUR MIND IS CLOUDED AND ALL YOU CAN SEE IS THE PAIN,

BUT I KNOW ALL THE PRAYERS THAT I HAVE PRAYED WILL NOT BE IN VAIN.

EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET A GLIMPSE OF WHO YOU USED TO BE,

AND IT KILLS ME.

I HEAR YOUR LAUGHTER, OR I GET TO SEE YOUR SMILE,

AND IT HURTS,

 BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN A WHILE.

I KNOW YOU LOST YOUR SELF IN IRAQ,

I HAVE SPENT QUITE A FEW YEARS WONDERING, IF YOU WERE EVER COMING BACK.

AND AS HARD AS IT IS, THE ONE THING I KNOW IS TRUE,

YOU HAVE PTSD, BUT IT DON'T HAVE YOU.

YOU'RE FIGHTING A NEW BATTLE NOW AND IT DON'T FIGHT FAIR,

BUT PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING, BECAUSE DOWN DEEP I KNOW THAT YOUR IN THERE.

WHEN YU WANT TO GIVE UP, AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER,

REACH DOWN DEEP INSIDE YOU AND KEEP ON FIGHTING, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE STRONGER.

JUST REMEMBER THAT WE ALL LOVE AND MISS YOU,

AND YOU MAY HAVE PTSD, BUT IT DON'T HAVE YOU.

WHEN THE DARK THOUGHTS START COMING, DON'T BELIEVE THE LIES,

YOU'RE A SOLDIER AND A FIGHTER, AND YOU ARE LOVED FAR MORE THAN YOU REALIZE.

YOU HAVE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU UNCONDTIONALLY AND WILL FOREVER STAND BEHIND YOU,

YOU MAY HAVE PTSD, BUT IT DON'T HAVE YOU.

 © WANDA FAITH DANIELLE LOHRMEYER-EITZMANN
 
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HE LET HIMSELF GO

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT I KNOW THE PERSON HE IS TODAY,

BUT TIME AND HIS PAIN HAVE PUSHED ME AWAY.

I LOVED HIM THE BEST WAY THAT I COULD,

HOPING THAT HE WOULD CHANGE BUT KNOWING DEEP DOWN HE NEVER WOULD.

EVERTIME I SEEN HIM I LOOKED FOR THE MAN HE USED TO BE,

AND SADDLY HE IS A PERSON I NO LONGER SEE,

I STILL HOPE BUT DEEP DOWN I KNOW

HE IS NOT COMING BACK

THE REAL HIM WENT OFF TO FIGHT IN THE DESERT OF IRAQ.

WE SENT A LITTLE BOY OFF FIGHT IN THE SAND,

AND SOMEHOW HE LOST HIS WAY IN THAT GOD FORSAKEN LAND.

IN A COUNTRY SO FAR FROM HOME,

A LITTLE BOY GREW INTO A MAN,

AND NOW HE IS LEFT TO PICK UP WHAT IS LEFT OF HIS LIFE THE BEST THAT HE CAN.

WHAT CHANGED HIM I MAY NEVER KNOW,

BUT I KNOW WHAT EVER IT WAS,

HE LET HIMSELF GO.

I PRAYED FOR HIM TO COME HOME,

AND PHYSICALY HE DID,

BUT MENTIALY HE CHANGED, BUT THAT WHAT HAPPENS IN WAR,

WHEN YOU RUN OF MEN, AND YOU START SENDING KIDS.

HE WAS FRESH OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL WHEN HE SIGNED HIS LIFE AWAY,

AND I WONDER IF HE COULD GO BACK IN TIME,

WOULD HE HAVE MADE A DIFFERENT DECISION THAT DAY ?

THAT IS SOMETHING I MAY NEVER KNOW,

BUT DOING WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT,

HE LET HIM SELF GO.

NOW HE CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT, HE WORKS ALL THE TIME,

HAS FLASH BACKS AND NIGHTMARES,

AND DRINKS ALL THE TIME,

AND IF IS SADDEND BY WHO HE HAS BECOME, I'LL NEVER KNOW,

BECAUSE WHEN HE HITS THAT BOTTE IT IS THE ONLY TIME,

HE LET'S HIMSELF GO.

THE DAY HE COME HOME AND TOLD HIS WIFE

HE WAS DONE,

LEFT HIS KIDS BEHIND AND WALKED OUT ON HIS LIFE.

AND WHY HE DID I WILL NEVER KNOW,

FOR WHAT EVER THE REASON

HE LET HIMSELF GO.

WHEN HE LOOKS IN THE MIRROR, HE DON'T KNOW THE MAN THAT HE SEES,

AND I AM SURE HE MISSES WHO HE USED TO BE.

WERE THE REAL DANNIE IS I WILL NEVER KNOW,

HE LET HIM SELF GO.

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