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before the war
I greatly miss the person you were before,
I look at you and I don't know you any more.
I miss your laughter, you gentle heart, your smile,
Yeah I have not seen that side of you in quite awhile.
I am not sure where you have gone, only that you went, you are so far away,
And it kills me to look back on yesterday.
I hate the memories of who you used to be,
I hate to look at you, because the old you I nonzero. longer see,
If God would grant me one wish I know what it would be,
I would ask for you to go back to the old you, before the PTSD destroyed my family.
I don't want to remember you this way,
I would give anything to go back to yesterday.
I hate the war , I hate Iraq,
The brother I had never came back.
I will never know what happened to you,
But God knows I miss you.
I will never understand why it had to be the way,
But I long for yesterday.
You might not have died physically, but you died just the same,
My children will never know what a wonderful person you are and it's a shame.
The only thing they know is uncle PTSD,
They were robbed of uncle Dannie.
I wish it did not have to be this way,
I wish I could change yesterday.
I hate that you have to lie to yourself, you believe nothing has changed, you are fine,
I hate that it's not true and hasn't been for a very long time.
I hate that you drink way to much, way to often to bury the pain,
I hate that you will never be the same.
I hate that you have nightmares so you sleep as little as you can,
I hate the fact I will never truly understand.
I wish we could go back in time to when we were at play,
I wish I could give you yesterday.
I wish I could make you forget all the things you have seen, and undo all that you have been through,
I wish I could fix you.
I wish I could go back to yesterday before any one lived with the hell of PTSD,
But I dream of a tomorrow when everyone who suffers will finally be free.
© Wanda Faith Danielle Eitzmann
