The was a wise man of Seattle
Who wrote in fine verse for his cattle
But what he couldn’t see
In the land of the free
Was that cattle prefer tittle-tattle
There was an old man from Des Moines
Whose nostrils were stuffed full of coins
When he went to sneeze
He shot dimes through his knees
But we noted no change in his loins
Obsessed by yourself and love no one around
Hate covered up my the lonely sound
Your not perfect
Not even close
You'll never love never love
Pretty Boy, Pretty Boy
You'll never love never love
So take a number
Look into your mirror
Fix every imperfection
But your not perfect….infact
Far from it
You'll never love never love
Pretty Boy, Pretty Boy
You'll never love no one else…
So get used to it
Loved only by yourself
No one loves a pretty boy
Son't think your perfect
Because your not
You'll never love never love
Pretty Boy, Pretty Boy
You'll never love never love
So take a number
No one will love you
No can will love you
no wants to love a…..
Pretty boy…(pretty boy)
Right now, quite apart from the droops,
I'm fit to jump clear through some hoops
Well maybe just one
Then I would be done
And then have to call out the troops.
If one's dear wife is a queen
Then hubby's a king, it would seem
When he's grumpy and frownin'
The wife could then crown him
Without seeming overly mean.
I'm limp as a rag in the wind
My energy's quite underpinned
my muse, once a guest,
Has travelled out west
I feel I've been gutted and skinned.
Photos are wonderful things
Such joy that the memory brings
They have quite a pull
When albums are full
Of seasons from Autumns to Springs.
As you see I have not yet demised
I've resurfaced though reduced in size
I've shrunk quite a bit
So my clothes do not fit
My wardrobe I need to revise.
A little old man we'll call Willie
Had a haircut that looked very silly
Striped red and brown
With some tufts hanging down
And a topknot bedecked with a lily.
In France the fine gendames fight crime
this force full of men in their prime
It's no use to bluff
When in a handcuff
You're sent off to jail to do time.
A duck swimming out on a lake
Was eyeing a right handsome drake
When the sun beamed
His feathers just gleamed
So she swam all the day in his wake.
A thesaurus has words that are new
From that source I've learned quite a few
When I am writing
And ideas are not biting
I leaf through to get a fresh view.
Taking my cat to the vet
A shrill serenade I would get
She hated her cage
Would get in a rage
Like an off-key violin quartet
Shop-till-you--drop is no fun
I'd rather shop briefly and run
For when you have finished
Your cash has diminished
And you are exhausted and done.
An artist puts on a display
Of paintings in colours of grey
Most visitors scoff
Give him the brush-off
So he hid all his paintings away.
A plumber was mending a pipe
A hard to get underneath type
He wished he could shirk
This muddy type work
But pipe dreams are nothing but hype.
When rain tumbles down in July
The clouds have a really good cry
Their tears fall so hard
Out there in the yard
There is not a thing that's left dry.
Three mice in a pantry one week
For some tasty morsels did seek
They heard a cat coming
Which sent them all running
Whew! That was sure one narrow squeak.
A train driver was hauled up in court
For not doing things that he ought
Going right off the rail
Was sent off to jail
His wheeling and dealing cut short.
When riding a bike down a hill
A pansy stood out in the breeze
It wished it grew under the trees
But it sadly had grown
Out there on its own
So it could do nothing but freeze.
Marmalade's great on my toast
But unsuitable spread on a roast
Everything has its place
Must accept it with grace
And each has no reason to boast.
A star twinkled down from the sky
And lit up a gleam in my eye
Round like a balloon
Full face of the moon
Peeked out from a cloud passing by.
A lion and a tiger once met
Knowing one soon would regret
For this stranger's meeting
Would be wild and fleeting
In the form of Russian roulette.
Eerie refrains have a charm
As long as attached to no harm
But if with a story
Of theme somewhat hoary
They shatter my feelings of calm.
The sunset at night was quite glorious
The sun could retire quite victorious
The moon on arising
It's fullness was prizing
Of sun it was feeling censorious.
A shoe fell in love with a sock
Their mates were suffering a shock
They thought it disgraceful
To be so unfaithful
Watching the two interlock.
I hate sitting down on the flooor
My back now can take it no more
I now really ought
To give it support
Or I wind up grumpy and sore.
I envy the bird with a wing
No wonder the creature does sing
Up, up in the sky
High, high it does fly
From there it can view everything.
My dreams are so clear and delight
I dream vivid dreams every night
New houses I claim
But they're not the same
Have rooms that are hidden from sight.
A papoose is a bundle of joy
No matter if a girl or a boy
And such is the goal
Of a girl with her doll
But this time alive, not a toy.
My earrings are long and are swingers
They jangle like very poor singers
Whene'er I go out
They are swinging about
If they had some bells they'd be ringers.
A dear little pony named Troy
Was owned by a mean, nasty boy
Who gave him a kick
Or a whack with a stick
Just as well Troy was only a toy.
Old Mother Hubbard did bake,
For her many children, a cake.
They ate it from Monday
Right though to next sunday
And gave what remained to their snake.
An ape who sat high in a tree
Was practicing philosophy
Said I evolved from man
As did all of my clan
We are higher now, as you see.
Doing some sums is a pain
For my poor old brain it's a strain
It's really a sin
For they do my head in
And I mostly must do them again.
My drapes are a beautiful green
A style that is fit for a queen
Each night I'm certain
To ring down the curtain
On darkening skies evening scene.
A stallion was racing one day
When another horse got in the way
The poor stallion stumbled
And over he tumbled
The other horse just said neigh, neigh.
A rabbit went out on the town
Wearing her best fluffy gown
Her strong urge to shop
Kept her on the hop
All day till the sun's going down.
In a bowl was some tasty veg soup
I put in my spoon for a scoop
In pain then I sung
For it scalded my tongue
And it took me a while to recoup.
A man had a very loud wife
Whose tongue was a sharp as a knife
It's hard cutting edge
Could topple a hedge
And wherever she went she caused strife.
Eggs are a mighty fine feed
A dozen or so's what I need
A nice runny yolk
Would please many folk
And it matters, not one jot, the breed.
While England is knee deep in snow
Our sun has a hot, fiery glow
If we could exchange
Just some of each range
We both could be comfy, I know.
A snake in the grass is a danger
A hidden and slithery ranger
A deep wound inflictor
A picnic was arranged for by Sue
In a place with a terrific view
When asked who she'd take
Sue said "goodness sake!
I pick Nick because he's my love true".
Maps show us all where to go
In places we never did know
Be it road, trail or track
They direct there and back
Or follow a great river's flow.
ne stubborn and silly old sheep
Made his poor shepherd just weep
He gave it a beating
Which set sheep a-bleating
and then the poor thing fell asleep.
A barber, once shaving a client,
Who sat in the chair quiet and pliant
Gave a cry of despair
At what he found there...
A whole tribe of nits so defiant
Pizza is wonderful food
It's good to feed all of your brood
Topped high with cheese
It surely will please
With tomato on top it is good.
A pair of pears grew together
All through the best summer weather
When their skins turned yellow
They were picked by a fellow
Who ate them while sat in the heather
Fresh rosemary grew with strong heather
Both plants found delight in wild weather
In June with the snow
They were hidden below
And reappeared in the Springtime together
By lakes our fine willows are weeping
At night when the whole world is sleeping
I know it's absurd
But their cry can be heard
Across the lake surface it's creeping.
Once a girl feeling quite blue
Thought she knew just what to do
To make her feel happy
She employed a chappy
Who painted her cheeks a red hue.
A little seed started to grow
It crept to the sunlight real slow
It sighed with relief
As it unfurled a leaf
It had pushed through the soil from below
I'm trying to stay in good shape
From toes right up to my nape
while eating my dinner
I'm still getting thinner
It's starting to make people gape.
There was a Chief Rabbi named Cohen,
Who said: “it’s my lawn that needs mowing”;
But the gardener vamoo,
‘Cos the roses were blue,
And now all the money is owing.
There was a Chief Rabbi named Cohen,
Who said: “it’s my lawn that needs mowing”;
But the gardener had fled,
‘Cos the roses weren't red,
And the grass, it keeps growing and growing.
n.b. This Limerick was written as an 'answer' to the following...
There was an Archbishop named Tait,
Who dined with a friend at 8.08;
I regret to relate,
I'm unable to state,
What Tait's tête-à-tête ate at 8.08.