LIMERICKS

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LIMERICKS

A picnic was arranged for by Sue

In a place with a terrific view

When asked who she'd take

Sue said "goodness sake!

I pick Nick because he's my love true".





Maps show us all where to go

In places we never did know

Be it road, trail or track

They direct there and back

Or follow a great river's flow.





ne stubborn and silly old sheep

Made his poor shepherd just weep

He gave it a beating

Which set sheep a-bleating

and then the poor thing fell asleep.





A barber, once shaving a client,

Who sat in the chair quiet and pliant

Gave a cry of despair

At what he found there...

A whole tribe of nits so defiant





Pizza is wonderful food

It's good to feed all of your brood

Topped high with cheese

It surely will please

With tomato on top it is good.





A pair of pears grew together

All through the best summer weather

When their skins turned yellow

They were picked by a fellow

Who ate them while sat in the heather





Fresh rosemary grew with strong heather

Both plants found delight in wild weather

In June with the snow

They were hidden below

And reappeared in the Springtime together





By lakes our fine willows are weeping

At night when the whole world is sleeping

I know it's absurd

But their cry can be heard

Across the lake surface it's creeping.





Once a girl feeling quite blue

Thought she knew just what to do

To make her feel happy

She employed a chappy

Who painted her cheeks a red hue.





A little seed started to grow

It crept to the sunlight real slow

It sighed with relief

As it unfurled a leaf

It had pushed through the soil from below





I'm trying to stay in good shape

From toes right up to my nape

while eating my dinner

I'm still getting thinner

It's starting to make people gape.





A cow gave such beautiful milk

The same as the rest of her ilk

Her calf wouldn't try it

Refusing her diet

Though it slid down her gullet like silk





A farmer was feeling so tired

He'd worked all day long and perspired

He'd furrowed and ploughed

Till his poor back was bowed

And his spirit had nearly expired.





Dancing with the stars is great

Each week I can hardly wait

The stars all shine

The dancing's fine

And the judges often debate.





Of a coat I once bought here's a tale

It was sold the next week in a sale

I'd scrimped and I'd saved

But one third they had shaved

My joy in my purchased was pale.





A little old lady in China

Fell over and got a real shiner

She rubbed it with Greece

Which a Turkey released

Sent to her from out Asia Minor.





When teeth of the wind bite our faces

We wish we were in other places

Where there is no storm

And zephyrs are warm

But resign ourselves with the best graces





My flowers are so grateful for rain

To be tinder dry is a strain

They lift their tired heads

From their dry garden beds

We humans must never complain.





I love crusty home-made new bread

It's that I would always be fed

With margerine or butter

Delight I will mutter

And marmite on top as a spread





A librarian had a fast car

In which he would travel quite far

Till a traffic cop looked

And the fellow was booked

While paging a friend in a bar.





An apple once hung from a tree

Awaiting the time to fall free

But it got the pip

When it fell on its hip

And its ego got bruised terribly.





Our vegies are now all organic

They didn't have those on Titanic

Not spoiled in the way

That veg is with spray

No need with this great lot to panic.

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