This shit hurts
I can’t do it again
On paper you look perfect
So I thought we could be friends
The kind that never lie
And reveal our darkest fears
Who have each other’s back
And wipe away the tears
The kind that builds and grows
Until it turns to love
Then we sit back and know
It was sent from up above
But instead I sit and wait
Because you’ve gone away
I never know the fate
Of every passing day
It drives me fucking crazy
How am I not on your mind!?
I think about you daily
& and not just because you’re fine
It’s because of how you smile
And how Jesus is your world
It’s Because of how you talk
about your beautiful little girl
I know these things take time,
And id like space to explore
Whatever’s on your mind
To understand you more
I know this is crazy
Because we’ve barely just said hi
But before I fall too deep alone
I’d rather just say goodby
-Zomi July 2019
Happily ever after doesn’t exist.
Not when people like you also exist.
I bought myself a new suit of armor so you don’t drive another knife in my back.
I told the vendor to hold the stallion because human legs were never for aesthetic purposes.
I wanted to walk the face of the Earth with you using my own.
We would’ve walked more than a thousand miles together to chase the sun and avoid the night.
And I never needed to worry about my tired legs.
They built up a tolerance from walking in the coastal sand and helping me keep up with dirty dishes.
I told you about my demons and how quickly I am to care when I’m shown an act of kindness.
Mother always lectured me that no matter how small they may be, they are never in vain.
But there is such a thing as being too kind. There is such a thing as temptation.
The best of us cave in once, twice, or maybe more than that when we write in our diaries.
You were like such a book to me and I trusted you, but never did I expect that you’d defile my soul
By persuading me to partake in activities that I would never in my right mind do.
I should have recalled the fable of a girl who trusted a poltergeist that haunted a similar diary.
Had I not flee the moment I saw your true character, I would have joined her in death.
Looking back, I understand that diaries are the keys to starting fires and turning innocents into fugitives.
You can try with all your might to pry my mouth open to get me to spill any more beans
But my lips are staying sealed because I know who you really are and I finally learned my lesson.
You never exposed me. You only leaked a chapter that was part of a book you never read.
So why bother showing it to you knowing that my real friends and family will be endangered as well?
I know that a deluded man gambled away so much ammo to the vipers that he became a trainwreck.
I swear on my recurring nightmares that any answers to your questions will be used against me.
Truth and justice is a concept invented by people and after all, people do make mistakes.
God bless the right to remain silent.
Because even the condemned understand that its value supersedes a vault of gold
That the draconian blackjack dealers steal from the poor that desire to play with them.
Where was Robin Hood when I needed him most?
Flash forward to a single year and I’m now twenty-five with an art degree in hand.
I’ve spent all that time studying my ass off and avoiding the vipers that plague my past.
I was with my true friends who never give a shit about your deceit when I realized I never needed you.
Preparing for financial exams under the tutelage of a bright mathematician was like you never existed.
So the next time you see me, I won’t grovel on the pavement begging you to take me back.
Instead, I’ll look the other way and French kiss my new admirer in front of you.
Just to let you know that I changed for the better and you missed out on the life we could’ve had.
I am fortunate to understand that your absence last summer turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
I dare you to call me an idiot again!
I dare you to call me a chicken!
I dare you to say that I’m going down
While you hide behind the blackjack dealers that love you for show!
There’s always someone out there willing to give you a taste of your own medicine anyway.
How did it feel when even Discordia didn’t want anything to do with you?
Was it salty and sour like your attitude and your deceit?
Cavities caused by the consumption of these candies are a pain for dentists to fill.
And just like that, you disappeared from the face of the Earth again. Hopefully, for good this time.
You can erase your identity from the world, but you cannot erase the marks your venom left behind.
You may still be on my mind from time to time, but I don’t see you in a virtuous light anymore.
You are nothing but a fable.
Un petit garçon regarde la Terre
De son nuage paisible d'argent.
Il aperçoit, tout en bas, la mer
immense et douce comme sa maman
Il regarde les arbres, les forêts
Les montagnes ensoleillées, les bergers
les villages, les enfants, les vergers
et voit doucement passer les années
Parfois il entend pleurer une fillette
Et tend l'oreille, d'un air alerte
L'enfant n'aime pas entendre la tristesse
Il préfère regarder les amoureux sur la plaga,
observer les poissons sur le rivage
et regarder les petits chats qui naissent
Mais il est tard sur le nuage
Alors doucement l'enfant s'en va
Et retourne au pays d'où l'on ne revient pas.
Who hit replay
Shut it off
No not today
Life can be rough
Enough is enough
The past is passed
so why must it last
This loop in my head
I constantly dread
Who hit replay
Shut it off
No not today
Life can be rough
Enough is enough
PTSD is not for me
PTSD must cease to be
Got to get it out of my head
These thoughts that I have come to dread
keep playing over inside my head
Who hit replay
Shut it off
No not today
Life can be rough
Enough is enough
I was at home,
relaxed and alone.
I lay sleeping,
the darkness was reaping.
Then I heard the sound;
crushed windows all around.
Everything was destroyed,
of glass everything devoid.
Then I heard Warhead at my door,
personification of Balthazor.
The glass broke into shivers,
splinters were in my flesh delivered.
In spite of my fear,
at Warhead I did appear.
And tried to calm him down,
and he stopped throwing things around.
Everything seemed to be well,
Warhead had changes of mood, I can tell.
And Lays-chips was lying there,
I wouldn’t touch it, I declared;
cause it belonged to Warhead.
Hours later, Warhead came down;
in his anger still drowned.
He wanted his stuff,
but I knew he would bluff.
Always talking about guns,
but the true deed he shuns.
Though I was confused,
his stuff was unused.
Is what Ramses did tell,
and so ended this hell...
My brother died,
And in his place;
I was born,
But I was repelled.
My mother threw me from the table,
Abused me, both mind and body.
My father never present,
And if so, he ignored me.
They left each other fast,
'Cause mother was a lesbian.
But my father needed a woman,
For his children and as a housewife.
The second was quite alright,
Even if she made me eat axis.
Only my sister I couldn't see,
That became off limits.
After years they had their divorce,
And then came the third, the most terrible.
My wicked stepmother,
The greatest dictator.
She tried to strangle my brother,
Then father did interfere.
She put me in the sanitarium,
With false motives, my fear.
Firstly in a crisis-centra,
'Cause I ran away from home.
Then in the sanitarium,
Where I for six months did roam.
In the sanitarium,
Provided with medication.
By which I lost my memory,
Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...
Regularly I suffered blackouts,
By which I saw nothing.
Not knowing what I did,
Much like sleep-walking;
And strange vistas occurred.
I wasn't suffering delirium,
Is what the doctors told.
So all this time,
I was in the asylum for no reason.
Then I had to go to boarding-school,
Where I developed something bad: anger.
I wanted to kill another, a female;
And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;
Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,
But I had to from Satan...
What happened was unforeseen,
'Cause my room was now aflame.
The building completely in axis,
The police came to arrest me.
A year and a half in prison,
Locked away in a cell, in Hell.
A year and a half terror,
The bondage of society.
When I got out, there was another project,
Named room-training.
I had to work in a factory,
But that didn't end well...
I started to mutilate myself,
Which I learned in the sanitarium.
They send me to the hospital,
To the psychiatric division.
Then again to the crisis-centra,
Which I didn't liked at all.
As if I had to start over,
I couldn't take it anymore.
Through the open door I escaped,
And from my last money;
I buyed a train-ticket,
Which brought me to Ramses.
I believe! I Believe! Lord, help my unbelief
I believe, I believe, my constant motif
I believe but don't grow
And my faith doesn't show
Because I can't be bothered to “do”
I know faith is given, not earned
Yet here I sit unconcerned
I'm given to resting
When I should be testing
To see that my faith is real
“You shall know them by their fruits”
But seeds planted on stones don't have roots
My apathy grows
So nobody knows
That I don't follow what I believe
The path down below is a slope
So gradual and smooth that you hope
It stays just the same
Like a current so tame
But leads to a waterfall
I'm not living, or learning
I'm sitting and burning
Lord I want to live
But not if I give
My time or my life
My comfort for strife
Is there an easier way?
You said believe and I shall be clean
Believe, and come home again
But how can I start
If only my heart
Wasn't an armchair theologian
Hope is a candle in a sea of darkness, eagerly awaiting the sun.
Trust is a drop of the purest water, in an ocean full of desert sand.
Loyalty is the assurance of your own two feet, that you will stand.
Love is a bubbling geyser; filling, and rushing to overflowing.
Empathy is a mother's love, from someone that you don't know.
Peace is an ocean of glass-like water, that ripples of war cannot move.
Honesty is a pure wine, with no dregs to ruin the taste.
Every single note was a song in itself
And every little breath was a melody
And I, a painful ripping squeal
That bellowed from inside of me
Her crimson lips had softly smiled
As she sang angelically
But no more than a dissonant chord
Was the best that I could be
Oh, angel of the nightly song!
How wrapped in you I have become!
How can I go, and sing alone
Shouting like a falling drum
I can't forget your heavenly voice
That pierced the ever-present noise
Through sky and the pervasive smog
To me, whom naught but death employs.