There were stronger days where waiting
didn't force my eyes toward strangers,
patient in their own submissive way while rather
ugly in their chosen manners.
Skin worn tight upon their bones and
constantly consuming pulp;
spitting out receipts and change while lacking
the slightest notion this way, that.
During all my time observing,
organizing thoughts in sequence,
all these people seem to slip away
and through my semi-conscious fingers.
But I won't regret their leaving
or fume about the ways they'd bested --
I'll simply watch them go and clatter
while I enjoy the quiet alone.
part 1:
destruction of truth
false segments of time
lost memories in mind
hidden where i can't find
desperately falling behind
purposefully missing
The pieces in play
The games I’m not winning
I must seize the day
Destruction of truth
Glued together with lies
Forgotten by loved ones
Whom I’ve learned to despise
No tale has been honest
Thought riddled with holes
The bodies are piled up
With no place to dispose
Disgusted with all this
Stomach writhing in pain
From the bullshit I live through
Increasing disdain
Hatred consumes me
It’s the path that I chose
There’s no use in fighting
I’m destined to lose
Crawl out of the shadows
Exhausted with fear
Faces of anguish
Drenched by their tears
Gather the holy
To provide us with hope
That something bigger is out there
Just teach us to cope
Regretting the sadist
Who pried in my brain
Psychosis is simple
Certifiably insane
On whose rules do you state this?
Who says that it’s true?
Ever think I was normal?
Didn’t occur to you.
That framed piece of paper
So you’ve got a degree
Doesn’t prove that I’m crazy
You’re wrong about me
My soul is so solid
Still my mind is intact
Body doesn’t give into
Your idea of a fact
I’ll never believe that
Or forgive your ideas
I know who I am
Dry up my lone tear
My strength is astounding
Desire to conquer
Won’t let you destroy me
Fighting hard not to falter
With this promise I’m given
To never taste defeat
I grab “hold my bootstraps
Determined to compete
Grinning and fearless
I start down my path
To meet with my enemies
And show them my wrath
Armored by honor
And headstrong commands
They’ll never see me coming
They don’t stand a chance
My weapons are deadly
Precision in the kill
I’ll be victorious
Im not your child and Im not your pet,
Im still here, dont make it somthing I'll regret.
If you keep treatin me the way u do,
I wont deal with it and I'll leave you.
Im my own person and that u need to see,
I want to be free, not under lock and key.
I want to have fun and be silly now and again.
I want to go out and have fun... wit a friend.
I love you to death but damn I do need a social life.
Marring me isnt gonna give u control jus cuz im ur wife.
Look at it from my point of view for just one sec.
You really want me always breathing down your neck?
I thought not, I need a break and some "me" time.
Doesnt mean since im out that things arent fine.
Not asking you to change over night, that i wont do.
But jus know that if things dont get better I wont stay with you.
Wings of an Angel spread,
Petals of a Flower flow,
Overcome with dread,
Understanding the first blow.
An incredible show,
That you only know,
Wings feather or ethereal?
You make it real.
Flower's color assigned,
Which you designed;
An attack that deflects?
Or nothing you can do?
This mirror reflects,
What's inside you.
A green tree,
With all its sweetness,
And haunting fragrance around.
A rare gem,
Somehow undiscovered,
By vast, dusty multitudes.
The pale-winged poetess,
A woman with a heart,
A poetess of great talent.
She is true,
As it's her nature,
Innately blessed by Allah.
And loving,
To the deepest depth,
In her true love shines so bright.
Must have been,
More than Sirius,
Shining even before birth.
My words here,
Are not merely words,
But a truth that can be checked.
A rare one,
I am lucky I found,
Lady bemused, the poetess.
She stands tall,
Yet untainted by,
The lures and lusts of the world.
Yet God will,
One day, I am sure,
Make her stand out as the best.
No strong loving feelings,
No passionate kiss--
Just a little of that
And a little of this.
Some may say I look calm
When I'm actually not--
Feeling somewhat off keel,
Somewhat tied in a knot.
Someone, give me a rope,
Not some friendly handshake--
I've lost purpose and hope--
Let me jump in a lake.
In this pointless quagmire
That some people call life,
I've lost all desire,
All the will to survive.
I'm tired of everything--
All I hear and see--
That surrounds me daily,
That I carry with me.
If I only knew how
A new flame to ignite--
Something great to believe in--
Something honest and bright.
But it's all the same crap
On a different day--
Just another dull slogan,
Just another cliché.
I get tired of hearing
Someone's ultimate truth--
What has happened to freedom
And spontaneous youth?
Lost in smugness of atheism
And the Christian noise,
I just want liberation
Of my own true voice.
I don't want to be shouting
Empty lines: "Yes, we can!"--
In the end, it's all bullshit
And a man's still a man.
While the beauty is drowning
In the starry night sky--
Where there is no pretense,
No sham, no lie.
I just want to be carrying
This torch through the night
Till the morning awakes me
With sun's brilliant light.
May 3, 2009