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Sword within
Cut from the sword within
above her body pale and thin
an accident while having fun
a stray bullet from the gun
his lower lip quake with trubble
her flacid body lay in rubble
now relizing what he's done
he take the trigger on the gun
the gun raise to his head
the trigger pulled and as I said
he was cut from the sword within
all for her, pale and thin
really liked it. I thought it was going to be something typical but you really picked an awesome topic. Great imagery, rhyming was great and you just pulled it off nicely. Kick-ass job so keep it up!
PS- and I'm the first person not to use morbid in my comments. What do you think of that ^_^
I have read many of your poems and you have a wonderful technique. I love the way you rhyme with fluid beauty. Some of your poems are a bit morbid and I absolutely love it! Indeed your right, accidents will happen. I love your last line on this poem "all for her, pale and thin" I don't know exactly why, it just caught my attention. I think I've become a strong fan of yours. I hope to read more.. Dusk~
I think this is a bit morbid, but very, very nice. I like your rhyming, your phrases flow, as most of mine are choppy and don't really go together. I think you definetly have a talent for this. ^_^