Understand (day 114)

He says,

You don’t understand how much I love people

 

and I splinter.

 

You say no one understands but

you couldn’t be more wrong,

I know, I know,

I love them just as much.

 

I want to say,

You take me just like this

with my wild mind and stumbling walk

and a voice that can take over a room

or shrink in the face of demons

and I can’t give you enough sunlight

to tell you how lucky I am.

 

So I take you just like this

with your wild hair and a frame too tall

and a laugh that can invite stares

but I can’t love this you if you don’t let me,

if you take too quickly to the possibility

that I’ll someday leave you behind.

 

I want to say

I’ll put this cup on the table between us,

an offering of

what we could be what we could be

but I don’t even need what we could be

as long as you love who we are.

I hope you care enough to let it stand without breaking

but I hold my head in my hands as it crashes down

not because you don’t care

but because you don’t look hard enough,

blind to the one who knows exactly

how much you love people.

 

And the cup he swept off the table in a fit of I didn’t mean tos

leaves dust on the floor, splinters on my tongue

so fragile I can’t speak

for fear of leaving trails of blood on his lips

 

He says,

Sometimes I don’t think people value me as much as I value them

 

I almost choke on the splinters again

 

I want to say,

I know exactly what you mean.

 

My knock is hesitant

so if these humans don’t want me I’ll fade back to shadows,

I’ll be an outline

an outline can’t choke you

it can only let you go

I laugh louder when I know I’m the joke

I hurt because I know I would give too much for them

I’ll tie my hands together so I don’t have the urge

to hold with too tight a grip and pull them down with me.

 

I want to say,

Sometimes I think people would leave me behind if given the chance

when I know I would leave myself behind if it meant they were free.

I know exactly what you mean.

 

I want to say,

Please lean back and let me

make these backseat promises,

this doesn’t mean much to you now but

I’ll never give you less.

 

He says,

You don’t understand how much I love people

 

I want to say,

You don’t understand how much I understand you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/17/16

Splinters

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When I Read You

I want to repeat lines, so I read them twice - what is that? Good writing, I suppose. Getting inside the lyric. As always.


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