November Spring (Thanksgiving) (day 119)

We raise our hands to space,

shout love through the tunnels

of everything we’ve been through.


We tear apart the city with how much we feel

and as I look over my shoulder at you

I swear I can see a November spring in your eyes,

just let me know if you’re going to fall,

I probably shouldn’t admit this but

I’ll jump after you.


This is the only day

I don’t regret

I don’t hold back

I don’t see you as permanent

but as a hand that could slip away

so I hold it tighter

because this is the day

I think I might be worth it

I don’t see my mind as a broken machine

This is the only day

I take pride in loving humans too much.


Sometimes I forget that

the sun always comes up without fail

Today I can feel the whole world’s arms around my shoulders

And as I reach for your hand

for once not wondering how much it will hurt if you go,

all I can think is

we should do this every day.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/24/16

The sun always comes up without fail

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ParadoxOne's picture

I really like the opening

I really like the opening lines, the rest of the poem feels a bit too personal. It's a good poem overall though but I would work on the format a bit. You got too many lines starting with I. This is a common mistake a lot of writers make and it doesn't look good when you are reading it. You could change some of those lines a bit to break the pattern. I hope you don't mind this comment, I'm only trying to help...

tallsquirrelgirl's picture

Thanks for your opinion! The

Thanks for your opinion! The repetitiveness has been part of my style for years though, and especially in slam poetry I think it helps the forcefulness and flow come through. I also agree with Stella that if writing is anything, it's a very personal way to feel and express yourself; it's the way a lot of us keep from basically exploding haha. I appreciate your time!

*tallsquirrelgirl* she feels in italics and thinks in CAPITALS ~henry james

allets's picture


and no punctuation makes for a style that is unique and the rhythm is punctuated with mono-syllables - another stylistic flourish unique to the writer. All poetry is personal in essence. Aesthetic considerations of physical attributes while enjoying a poem (tripple spacing and too small font size nothwithstanding) is less important than the form, the structure, the themes, creative approach, execution, literary devices used, or the topics woven by the writer. I'm just sayin' - Lady A -