Behind Closed Doors

I reached out

and they thought I was acting up.

 

Cried out for help

and they called it tantrums

and closed the door because

I was too "loud."

 

I banged on the door but no one came.

So I stopped trying.

Instead

I practiced how to smile

while my heart was breaking

and taught myself how to laugh normally

to make it more convincing.

 

I hid the pain so deep within

that even I almost believed I was okay.

And when I felt I was ready,

with the broken parts of me tucked away,

I knocked again and they greeted me

like all was fine and said they were glad

I was okay now.

 

So you see,

it's not that I didn't try.

But anytime I tried looking for those open arms,

they were tucked away

and their warm smiles hidden behind closed doors.

And I figured that maybe I was the problem.

And at that moment

I stopped expecting more from the world

when it has clearly shown me time and time again

that I wasnt worth it.

 

So I molded myself

to what society considered normal

while silently praying

that one day I would be okay

even though I was fading away

a little more each day.

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