I reached out
and they thought I was acting up.
Cried out for help
and they called it tantrums
and closed the door because
I was too "loud."
I banged on the door but no one came.
So I stopped trying.
Instead
I practiced how to smile
while my heart was breaking
and taught myself how to laugh normally
to make it more convincing.
I hid the pain so deep within
that even I almost believed I was okay.
And when I felt I was ready,
with the broken parts of me tucked away,
I knocked again and they greeted me
like all was fine and said they were glad
I was okay now.
So you see,
it's not that I didn't try.
But anytime I tried looking for those open arms,
they were tucked away
and their warm smiles hidden behind closed doors.
And I figured that maybe I was the problem.
And at that moment
I stopped expecting more from the world
when it has clearly shown me time and time again
that I wasnt worth it.
So I molded myself
to what society considered normal
while silently praying
that one day I would be okay
even though I was fading away
a little more each day.