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I AM DISSOLVED

You berate me and belittle me with your lips of swords .
Once opened your mouth spew words of hate and anger towards nothing assault me.
You are a hypocrite
You are self righteous
You deny all claims and point the finger of blame towards me to make your self appear as if no wrong doing from your lips or actions have occurred but rather from me the blame is to be cast .

You sit upon your high horse pointing the finger of blame of wrong doing upon me.
You seem to be a raging volcano who pretends to be a mild bump in the road.
You endlessly go on and on with all the self righteous intent of picking arguments from thin air where there is nothing and putting the blame on me as if you are so innocent of any crime.

You are a master of turning things around so it would seem i am wrong .
You manipulate me into believing that it was i who did wrong even when i know i meant nothing from any words i spoke.

I would speak a joke out of fun and you would turn it into something it was not and wage a war of wills to make me back down .
As if a machine gun was pointing at me, your mouth acts like this gun and fires endlessly at me till you have wounded me and i can say no more to defend my self and let the bullet of your words wound me fatally till i succumb to your will.

I feel pain yet i feel nothing.
As if i been down this road over and over as of late.
I have become numb .

I wait and wonder when the next time i open my mouth to speak a thought or to make conversation or to comment that i shall be shot at by the machine gun of your cruel words.
I dare not defend myself as you take my words and twist them till i can not speak a word that will not be held against me in this battle .
I dare not try to speak out in my defense as you will be sure to make my words a twisted version of things you know i had not spoke but rather what you need to use to beat me with so that i am beat down and agree with you out of pure exhaustion of the battle .

You say ugly things to me
Yet take no responsibility for them and blame me for speaking those words to me.

You say no apologies.
You feel no remorse than ask me if i love you .

I feel sick
I feel tortured
I feel set up
I feel unappreciated
I feel wronged
I feel trapped
I feel sad
I feel anger
I feel despair

I FEEL DISSOLVED

But when i try to speak my feelings to you i get shot down by the machine gun once again and instead all one can hear is the machine gun and what you feel and how i make you feel and yet i must apologize to you.

I shrink and vanish away each day and each time.
I no longer speak out.
Whats the point the machine gun will shoot me down till my will is no more.
I feel as if i can do no right and all i am is wrong according to you but if i dare speak this out to you i am punished and lectured and shot at again by your machine gun.

Inside i scream out..... in pain.
I scream out...... hear me.
I scream out....... i am not wrong.
I scream out..... inside because i can not scream out loud.

I am defeated
I feel worthless
I feel unloved
I feel unwanted

I am alone .
I AM DISSOLVED ....By you and your words and your self righteous ways.

You put your self on a Pedestal and look and talk down upon me.
You go on endlessly till i back down and can not speak my words correctly and fumble out of frustration.
You pick at me and keep picking at me till i feel like a rotting corpse with vultures flying around me waiting to devour what is left of me.

Till your words destroy what is left of what is in my heart
Till your words end the beauty i saw in you .
Till your actions and your words DISSOLVE ME.