Pride is Damaging

My Personal Faves

sensation of better
better than you
than me yesterday
than he thought i could be
than my sister
because I'm skinny
or smart
because i answer phones after 1 ring
or have red and blond highlights

disgust at my need for success
for approval
who am I but a slave?
who am I but all of your slaves?

I live to serve you
to make you see
that i am worth something
worth your love
your attention
your time
and your sex

i am proud
of my desirability
of his inability to withhold

not proud of my youthful ignorance

of being 'free' or 'romantic' or 'spontaneous'

i live on a stick
a Popsicle shit stick
or puppet string
made to dance and sing by so-called friends
whose opinions
run me
run me into the ground
the tunnels
the rooms
the cubicles
the dreams
the dreams of

not me
except for the accomplishments
which i fight so hard for
poor pity-seeking puppy
begging for love

Author's Notes/Comments: 

New at this.. would love to get feedback or discuss life and politics and philosophy and human nature. Hope this poem doesn't make me seem too shallow. Just a mood..

View rebasand's Full Portfolio
9inety's picture

Keep writing

it can be a cathartic exercise.
And writing is important in life; it is a form of therapy. If gives one energy, like heat from friction,
Writing helps us release. Writing is a kind of meditation, it relieves tension. It is a confessor who keeps our secrets safe. It is creative, and curative. Studing and reading helps deliniate our style.
Part of goal of this site is to show you various ways that writing can be used as a tool to release negative emotions, improve self-esteem, and help you to complete goals, spark creativity and more, much, much more...
In your journey, remember that writing is a talent, it is also a blessing...What I receive, I give to you...
and you can pass it along to the world around you.

"One of the best results of life, is the torment of love"

Dylan Eliot

9inety's picture

Right on to Write on!!!

Despite our strongest efforts to maintain a private life, seems in this world we attract the most intense interest from people all over the world. The usual things, utubies,,, Facebook accounts, being on Twitter, all the social media presence. We hype our own type with written thoughts in the comments section of online news articles or subscribe to many email newsletters. And, eventually, the world notices that we are sharing.
Well, I don't do any of that...
Ah, but poetry, to be ourselves in poetry, that is an exclusive club... So write on!
Right on to Write on...
You have talent you need to develop it and work at it, to you know, if not a vocation, it can be more of an avocation, a love of sorts, a passion...
get it...


"One of the best results of life, is the torment of love"

Dylan Eliot

Rebasand's picture

Thanks Dylan! You're post

Thanks Dylan! You're post just made me really happy :) I have written in so long and i suddenly felt like writing a lot. I hope I can keep it up.

In terms of developing/growing.. do u think that will happen with just further writing? Or perhaps everyone's comments can help, or just reading more I suppose too.

I'm rambling. Long day. Thanks again for your insight!!

'Reba' (totally not my real name lol)

<3 RS

fhmc's picture

Do indeed keep it up. I liked

Do indeed keep it up. I liked this, mainly for it's energy and anger. I wrote a few like this, and they have a power that my other works struggle to match. At the same time however, I felt that they lacked the poise, the control of the poetry I really wanted to write.

I've been writing for a year, less on and off. I think you do develop as you write, you get a sense of the poetic... if that makes any sense.

No that probably doesn't make any sense.

You know what I mean. If you want to really go down the rabbit hole, start thinking more about metre, the sound, cadence if you like, of the line, of the stanza; how words interlock, complement and contrast, promote construction and deconstruction... harmony and disharmony, reinforcement and undermining of your content.

I will often think about what I'm writing on a phonetic level. Individual letters have their own purposes, reasons for exclusion or inclusion in the selection of words that is your poetry.

Just keep scribbling!

"Satellite's gone
up to the skies.
Thing like that drive me
out of my mind.

I watched it for a little while:
I love to watch things on TV." - Lou Reed

Rebasand's picture

It makes perfect sense, and

It makes perfect sense, and no sense, and is beautiful and I know exactly what you mean. I think. ;)

I think was afraid of using rhythm a lot, because it so easily lends itself (at least in my limited experience) to rhyming, which I sometimes perceived as negative/novice-ish.

Anyway, I tried again.. a few more poems with a more detectable beat, so to speak. Though not always steady.

Thanks so much for the feedback and inspiration; means a lot.

<3 RS

fhmc's picture

Haha oh yes. I hope you know

Haha oh yes. I hope you know what I'm talking about, because at least that would make one of us!

I can see where you're coming from with rhythm, rhyming etc. being novice-ish; it can give it a nursery rhyme style to it, which may be what you're associating.

Of course, its really just a subtext for you to manipulate. It doesn't always have to be steady - it's absolutely fine to have lines that aren't perfect pentameter! All you're looking for is the awareness that you can use this tool to subtly shape the tone, pitch, and as Frost would say, the "music" of the poem. Certain metres have certain attributes; for example, trimeter is a very skippy, energetic beat (di-dum di-dum di-dum), whereas pentameter is the most "natural" metre (supposedly). I see them as different characters with different traits to use.

Not at all. Bear in mind I tend to make this up as I go along ;).

"Satellite's gone
up to the skies.
Thing like that drive me
out of my mind.

I watched it for a little while:
I love to watch things on TV." - Lou Reed

deepblue's picture

keep writing

you absolutely need to develop as a writer and it absolutely comes from practice/trying things out - for me it's fun to look back now on something i posted on here years ago to see the evolution and i always recommend it even for that reason alone - and i really enjoy reading what you write and if this is just your start then there's no reason why the next thing you write can/will be even better - keep writing