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First Love
I shrank into a shell
And you comforted me;
I contemplated Hell
And you made Heaven be.
The fires of my soul
Are kindled at your side;
I do not need a hole
I do not need to hide.
And yet all this is ended,
We’ve gone our separate ways;
Bliss that seemed unended
Has parted as the waves.
Yet when I saw your face
It made my heartbeat race…
Wow 2003 eh!
I like this one. The pace is good and it flows really well.
My only criticism is that the last two lines aren't as strong as the rest.
It's very much a "first" kind of thing. I see it takes the sonnet's rhyme scheme...how devious. Interesting how the unusual meter fits with the familiar rhyme scheme. All in all, it has good cadence.