A Dark Secret

mental illness

As an extrovert, im very open

But there is something i hide

And only tell people who deserve it

And earned my trust

Who i know wont judge me

I can't even tell my mom

She judges me all the time

Well... i struggle with my weight

Its a weird eating disirder

Not Bulimia, nor Anorexia

It's a mix of them both

The name, it's long

EDNOS for short

Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified

It started when i was a teen

When i partied alot

Struggled to fit in

And started using weed and drugs

And drinking on top of it all

I would eat so much i threw up

Or i wouldn't eat

Because i was scared

Scared i would throw up

There was never an in between

I always believed in Go Big

Or go the hell home

I flucuated with my weight

Used to be athletic, fit

Or i was obese or "overweight"

To this day i struggle to love

To Love myself, my curves

And everything about myself

All i wanted wa sto fit in

It was either go out and party

Meet people and have a blast

Or be alone, a hermit

staying away from an influence

My past is my past

Im still struggling

Fighting urges, fighting my mind

But I'm slowly learning to Love

Love myself

And everything about me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this was a poem about my personal struggle with EDNOS. i wanted to bring EDNOS to light because its an unusual eating disorder and not commonly diagnosed. it can heppen to anyone. Mine just happened to be due to doing way too much partying because i was trying to fit in with the crowd instead of finding who i am and be the person i wanted to be. Very personal poem to me and i hope it can be an inspiration to those struggling and see that you can recover and slowly learn to love yourself and everything about yourself

Diamond_Wills_New_War's picture

Thank you for sharing. It

Thank you for sharing. It isn't easy, loving yourself. No matter how well you're doing if you look long enough or hard enough there's always something there you don't like, and for some of us it isn't hard at all. I hope you're doing better and that you continue to do well. Best of luck.

Long days and pleasant nights