Author Information
Offhand Comment
Seven oceans stilled
within my world,
with you,
within moments
of hearing your tender,
attentive voice
that first time.
DJ with an audience of one
trained to play music
to soothe a single soul
all of their life.
You smiling at me,
mine greeting yours -
atmosphere so relaxed.
A mental aperient
to thoughts in my brain
that always kept a quiet place
in the haunted attic.
Nothing stuck on
even the tip of my tongue
before the night was over,
except yours
in an ageless osculation.
But now,
here i am,
tied to a raft, alone.
Lightning rod for a mast,
i'm floating down the Catatumbo,
nearing Lake Maracaibo.
It was an offhand comment,
i didn't think much about it,
as if i'd dropped an old, useless key
when i told you the one
and only thing i feared.
We laughed,
you said "that's silly"
and, now, here i am -
you used it against me.
With emotionally-charged
With emotionally-charged metaphors and a gripping, tumbling style to demonstrate those emotions, you accurately described that devastating experience of a few words changing everything. I was with you through every torrential illustration of the pain, betrayal and regret associated with the experience as I marveled at your deft manipulation of words to take me down that lonely river with a "Lightning rod for a mast".
A stunner.
Thank you, as always
Your critiques are always empassioned and full of thought, lush with reader's interpretation. All draped with kindness and encouragement along the way.
Your feedback, as ever, is a watermark indicating I am having some success relying emotions and thoughts as I hope and desire to. There are certain writers who really excel at that (such as the gentleman below who also commented), and you are most certainly one who does. Thank you kindly.
I don;t even know how to
I don't even know how to adequately praise this highly evocative poem. The imagery you convey is powerful and agile. The short lines keep the eye moving from beginning to end, and that last stanza lets loose with a deluge of emotion. This is a poem I would recommend to any student of poetry who wants to see a demonstration of "how it's done."
Starward
Generous and flattering
Thank you very much. As with Patricia, your feedback always has a way of letting me know when I'm reaching the time-giving reader as intended. The design of the lines had the effect with you that I had hoped and intended they would have with someone taking the time to read, and I greatly appreciate that feedback as much as any here (though you've certainly given me much more, as well).